While caught up in my own feelings, I could not see that Mom also struggled with feelings of rejection.  It is that way so often, you see.  Our own feelings of rejection cause us to reject the person we are projecting these feelings on.  Then, our actions cause them to feel rejected and a vicious cycle begins.

In her bipolar world, mom would walk into a room and believe she could hear what others were thinking.  What she heard were voices rejecting and critical of her.  Although these were her own thoughts about herself, it was easier to believe they came from others.  She was dealing with feelings of rejection and a desperate desire to be loved.

As I began to grow in Christ and understand more about His unconditional love and grace, I should have been able to reach out to Mom and help her see the same.  At moments I do; but, at other times, I fail to do that.  Why?  Because, I too, must each morning remind myself of who I am in Christ.  Daily, I must take up my cross, die to self, and live for Christ.  It is a day to day journey, seeking Him early in the morning, at moments through the day, and before I go to sleep at night.

Pride and quasi humility is always lurking at the door of our hearts, for as long as we walk upon this earth.  Yet, the Holy Spirit is there within us to guide us, to remind us of who we are in Christ, and to slay this dragon that would destroy us.

God’s Grace Overcomes

Continue reading How to Discover God’s Joy when Feeling Rejected →

In the previous post we began a look at feelings of rejection.  To deal with feelings of rejection; one must first recognize it for what it is: Pride.  As Christians so often declare, “I am but a sinner saved by Grace.”  Although this is true, all too often, it is used as a Quasi-humility.  For if you and I truly grasp that truth, we could never doubt God’s eternal love for us.  Never would we feel as though God has rejected us nor walk around depressed over our situation; believing, God must not want to bless us.  Even after we have laid our sin at the cross, our own injured pride refuses to let go of our feelings of rejection and accept the love God is pouring out upon us.

Then, trying to hold onto our self-worth, we project our own inner feelings onto others.  That way we blame someone else for our feelings.  Of course, we could begin by blaming our parents.  For me, that was easy.  Certainly, I blamed mom for my feelings of rejection, my turmoil with wanting so desperately to be loved.  Ah, but I was wrong.  I could not deal with those feelings of rejection until I saw them for what they really were: my own sin of pride.  You might wonder, “How can feelings of rejection be a form of pride?”

Simon Peter Comes Face to Face with Pride

Continue reading Why is Quasi-humility really Pride in disguise? →

Feelings of Rejection

Most of my life, I battled with feelings of rejection; somehow, feeling I never measured up.  To gain God’s love, I felt I must try harder.  Somewhere amid the turmoil of my own mind, I believed love must be earned.  A dangerous place to stand before a Holy God.  My mind knew the truth of scripture; but, my heart longed to feel the reality of God’s love.  It would be a long road to discover the truth of God’s unconditional love and grace toward me.  Perhaps it was clearer, when at the age of five, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.  I knew then that it was grace alone that saved me.  Yet, I had to learn that it is His Grace alone that loved me every step of this journey, no matter what.

There within our emotions, the battle ground lies.  When facing feelings of rejection, we must first recognize it for what it is; an internal battle with the sin of pride.  One of the hardest things for pride to accept is an unmerited gift.  We want to believe we have earned it.  Our “self” rises up to heights of aggrandizement, seeing the world through our own eyes.  Yet, Christ calls us to crucify that self, so that our identity can be found in Him.  Though on this earth, Christ faced the rejection of men, the only time He faced the feeling of rejection was when all our sin lay upon Him. The Father and Holy Spirit, unable to look upon sin, had turned their back toward Him for a second in time and the wrath of God against sin was poured out upon Him, so that we might be redeemed.

Despair Within Rejection

Continue reading Not good Enough for love? Feelings of Rejection →

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite Spirit.  Mary are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.  Psalm 34:18-19

Mom was just a little girl when her parents divorced.  They decided to divide the time equally.  So, mom spent six months with one and six months with the other.  That meant this little girl would never complete a year in any school.  Unable to truly make friends because of the constant transferring, she became very lonely.

When living with her mother, she had nicer clothes.  As it is with child, she wanted and longed for her mother’s love.  Often though her mother was preoccupied both with her work and her own social life.  As a child, she would sometimes go to the movies only to walk home alone through the streets of Detroit to enter an empty house.  Wanting to feel her mother’s presence, she would sit in her mother’s closet; because, there she could smell the aroma of her presence.

From Riches to Rags

Sometimes during the summer, she would be sent to her grandmother’s house in Tennessee.  Her grandmother was a hardworking, country lady.  There was no refrigeration and meats were salt cured.  The ice truck would bring around blocks of ice.

When with her father, her clothes were less, and her life was completely different.  Her step-mother was not a warm or affectionate woman, adding to mom’s loneliness as a child.  Although by the time I came to know my grandfather, he spoke a lot about God’s grace; he was very strict and somewhat legalistic during the years of mom’s childhood.  At least that was the impression Mom received.

A young broken heart finds Salvation

A young broken heart yearned to be loved and to find a sense of belonging.  Yet, it was this young broken heart that God drew nigh.  There might be years of afflictions to come; yet, through it all God had a plan.  At the age of twelve, mom accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior, changing her eternity forever.  God would be the anchor that steadied her through all the storms that were yet to come.

At the age of sixteen, her father, perhaps out of fear; began to tell her that her mother was a woman of ill repute.  That lead to mom’s first emotional breakdown.  Although an excellent student, she quit school.  Many years later, she got her GED; but, she always regretted not finishing high school.  Ah, but history sometimes tends to repeat itself.  Mom, also fearing I might sin; pushed me into a horrible marriage at age 16.  I did finish high school and even went onto college; but, I also started down a long road to recover from many a broken heart.

God’s Sovereign Grace

In both cases, God was there drawing nigh.  He would through the years lead mom ever closer to Him.  For me, God had a perfect plan through the depth of brokenness.  A Broken and Contrite Heart, I wrote to tell that story.  The story of how a God of Grace can take all the broken pieces of our life and weave together a beautiful portrait of Himself.  He can take all the sorrows, the tears, feelings of rejection, and even our failures to bring us closer to Him.  There, in His presence, is fullness of joy.

Whatever broken road we may have traveled; it has led both mom and me into God’s presence.  He is the rock and fortress of our lives.  Furthermore, He is the greatest treasure.  We may not fully comprehend the trials of this world; however, it is God’s Love and Grace which allowed them all.  Only He knew what it would take to not only save our soul for eternity; but, to also transform our heart to one who can see glimpses of His Glory.

Concluding Thought

Is your heart broken today?  Do you look back and wonder at all the sorrows of your lifetime?  What about those failures of your past?  Look to Jesus, for He is drawing you near.  Only in Him is joy, hope, peace and eternal life.  He loved you so much, He left His throne, suffered and died to pay your penalty for sin, rose again and is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for you today.

DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?

If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.

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Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?

ABIDING, STEADFAST JOY

A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.

WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”

Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.

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ANOTHER Book Available

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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

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