Not good Enough for love? Feelings of Rejection

Feelings of Rejection

Most of my life, I battled with feelings of rejection; somehow, feeling I never measured up.  To gain God’s love, I felt I must try harder.  Somewhere amid the turmoil of my own mind, I believed love must be earned.  A dangerous place to stand before a Holy God.  My mind knew the truth of scripture; but, my heart longed to feel the reality of God’s love.  It would be a long road to discover the truth of God’s unconditional love and grace toward me.  Perhaps it was clearer, when at the age of five, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.  I knew then that it was grace alone that saved me.  Yet, I had to learn that it is His Grace alone that loved me every step of this journey, no matter what.

There within our emotions, the battle ground lies.  When facing feelings of rejection, we must first recognize it for what it is; an internal battle with the sin of pride.  One of the hardest things for pride to accept is an unmerited gift.  We want to believe we have earned it.  Our “self” rises up to heights of aggrandizement, seeing the world through our own eyes.  Yet, Christ calls us to crucify that self, so that our identity can be found in Him.  Though on this earth, Christ faced the rejection of men, the only time He faced the feeling of rejection was when all our sin lay upon Him. The Father and Holy Spirit, unable to look upon sin, had turned their back toward Him for a second in time and the wrath of God against sin was poured out upon Him, so that we might be redeemed.

Despair Within Rejection

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God Draws Nigh to the Broken Heart

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite Spirit.  Mary are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.  Psalm 34:18-19

Mom was just a little girl when her parents divorced.  They decided to divide the time equally.  So, mom spent six months with one and six months with the other.  That meant this little girl would never complete a year in any school.  Unable to truly make friends because of the constant transferring, she became very lonely.

When living with her mother, she had nicer clothes.  As it is with child, she wanted and longed for her mother’s love.  Often though her mother was preoccupied both with her work and her own social life.  As a child, she would sometimes go to the movies only to walk home alone through the streets of Detroit to enter an empty house.  Wanting to feel her mother’s presence, she would sit in her mother’s closet; because, there she could smell the aroma of her presence.

From Riches to Rags

Sometimes during the summer, she would be sent to her grandmother’s house in Tennessee.  Her grandmother was a hardworking, country lady.  There was no refrigeration and meats were salt cured.  The ice truck would bring around blocks of ice.

When with her father, her clothes were less, and her life was completely different.  Her step-mother was not a warm or affectionate woman, adding to mom’s loneliness as a child.  Although by the time I came to know my grandfather, he spoke a lot about God’s grace; he was very strict and somewhat legalistic during the years of mom’s childhood.  At least that was the impression Mom received.

A young broken heart finds Salvation

A young broken heart yearned to be loved and to find a sense of belonging.  Yet, it was this young broken heart that God drew nigh.  There might be years of afflictions to come; yet, through it all God had a plan.  At the age of twelve, mom accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior, changing her eternity forever.  God would be the anchor that steadied her through all the storms that were yet to come.

At the age of sixteen, her father, perhaps out of fear; began to tell her that her mother was a woman of ill repute.  That lead to mom’s first emotional breakdown.  Although an excellent student, she quit school.  Many years later, she got her GED; but, she always regretted not finishing high school.  Ah, but history sometimes tends to repeat itself.  Mom, also fearing I might sin; pushed me into a horrible marriage at age 16.  I did finish high school and even went onto college; but, I also started down a long road to recover from many a broken heart.

God’s Sovereign Grace

In both cases, God was there drawing nigh.  He would through the years lead mom ever closer to Him.  For me, God had a perfect plan through the depth of brokenness.  A Broken and Contrite Heart, I wrote to tell that story.  The story of how a God of Grace can take all the broken pieces of our life and weave together a beautiful portrait of Himself.  He can take all the sorrows, the tears, feelings of rejection, and even our failures to bring us closer to Him.  There, in His presence, is fullness of joy.

Whatever broken road we may have traveled; it has led both mom and me into God’s presence.  He is the rock and fortress of our lives.  Furthermore, He is the greatest treasure.  We may not fully comprehend the trials of this world; however, it is God’s Love and Grace which allowed them all.  Only He knew what it would take to not only save our soul for eternity; but, to also transform our heart to one who can see glimpses of His Glory.

Concluding Thought

Is your heart broken today?  Do you look back and wonder at all the sorrows of your lifetime?  What about those failures of your past?  Look to Jesus, for He is drawing you near.  Only in Him is joy, hope, peace and eternal life.  He loved you so much, He left His throne, suffered and died to pay your penalty for sin, rose again and is seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for you today.

DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?

If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.

OR ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?

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Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts  comment here

Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?

Abiding, Steadfast JoyABIDING, STEADFAST JOY

A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.

 

 

 


WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”

Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.

You may click on the picture for more information on either of these books.

ANOTHER Book Available

You can find this and all my books on Amazon.com, search Effie Darlene Barba or click this link to be taken there

OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE

If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.

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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Photo by Trym Nilsen on Unsplash

 

Can Illness and Suffering be God’s Grace and Love?

Often illness or suffering is seen as God’s punishment for sin by those who would espouse their own righteousness.  Some would say, “A God of love would only bring abundant blessings to those who follow Him.  As His Beloved, Blessed, Redeemed Child, the Christian should experience prosperity, health, and a life abounding in the joys of this world.”  But is that true or what Scripture teaches us?  Instead, we find  God, often, works in mysterious ways that our human minds cannot comprehend to accomplish His plan of Love and Grace.

What is a life that is truly blessed?  The one that is filled with all the counterfeit joys of this world? Or the one covered with scars, broken, unable to stand alone who leans into Christ and is carried to the finish line by Him.  Having come to the very end of one’s self, only to find there a Savior who will carry them in His Loving Arms with an Unconditional Love and Grace that they know was wholly undeserved, making that Grace even more precious and joyous than anything else this earth could offer.

THE BLIND MAY SEE

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One life of Self-denial in a Bipolar World

Christ calls us to a life of self-denial.  As I look back through my life story, I now see that Mom; though plagued by Bipolar Disease has lived such a life.

So, the man who chose to follow Christ goes forward on the way. And when he must learn to know the world and what is in the world, the world’s strength and his own weakness, when the struggle with flesh and blood distresses him when the going is heavy and there are many foes and no friends then the agony of it may wring from him the moan I walk alone… But on that way where a man follows Christ the height of suffering is the height of glory. Even as the pilgrim moans in his heart he reckons himself to be in bliss… And this is the joyful hope that he shall follow where He has gone.               -Soren Kierkegaard, The Gospel of Sufferings

Mom and me

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God is Holy! Do You Really Know this Truth?

God has revealed Himself to mankind in many diverse manners.  He revealed Himself in nature, the sheer complexity of all His creation displays so much about who He IS.  Furthermore, throughout Scripture, God revealed Himself.  Over the past few weeks, the focus of this series has been to review the lives of such Patriarch’s as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,  Joseph and Moses.  Through their lives, we have seen God’s Grace, Faithfulness and Sovereignty displayed. Despite their frailties and failures, God provided a way for His People.   He always through trials transformed them into the men of faith they became.  As we came to Moses, I have paused to write about attributes of God as so richly displayed in the books of Moses.  The Glory of God and our role. One aspect of His Glory is His Sovereignty.   Another crucial to our knowledge of God is the truth, God is Holy!

Often, we speak of God as Holy with a rather nonchalant manner.  Too often, we see it at a distance; never recognizing the impact that truth must have upon our own lives.  Throughout Leviticus, God told Moses to tell the people, “Ye shall be Holy; for I the Lord your God am Holy” (Leviticus 19:2).   This was not a request of God, it was a command.  He did not say as we often do, “Well, you should maybe try to live a holy life.”  No, it was much more than a command, “You will be Holy! I, the LORD your God will ascertain that to be the case.”  Sometimes it may be through great trials that He transforms His people.  For the nation of Israel, God reigned judgement upon the arrogant, rebellious unbelievers among them.  He cleansed His People of them then and He will cleanse His church today.

Revering the Truth: God is Holy!

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