Effie Darlene Barba

        Both Mom and Pete found it difficult to demonstrate love.  Within their bipolar minds, there lay a fear of vulnerability.  Therefore, any action of love would soon be followed by a harsh rebuke or criticism.  Living in that world, I spent a lifetime in search of love. Desperate to find love, only to discover it had been there with me all along. God’s love had been there expectantly waiting for me from eternity past.  It was His love that had brought me to Him that day I accepted Christ as my Savior.  And it was His love that indwelled me, guiding every step.  So that I might come to know His fullness of joy.  Along this journey, His precious hands were guiding me every step of the way.  So, I even understood the utter insanity of my jealous thoughts, which is probably why I neatly tried to hide them.

Yet, just as you cannot get rid of a cancer by ignoring it, neither can you get rid of jealous thoughts by pretending their nonexistence.  The only way to deal with cancer is to biopsy it, name it, and then attack it aggressively.  Jealous thoughts must be confronted with the same aggressiveness as one would attack a cancer.  Because Jealous thoughts when ignored will grow to consume you with anger.  Which in turn, will cause you to take yours eyes off of Jesus and place walls.  Hoping God would not notice the jealousy and anger, you withdraw into your own spiraling insanity of guilt, shame and depression.  While at the same time, putting on an outward show of self-righteous behavior and righteous indignation.  Placing all the blame on the object of your jealous thoughts.

Dissecting My Jealous Thoughts

Continue reading “The Utter Insanity of My Jealous Thoughts”

Certainly, jealousy should never play a role in my relationship with Mom, that would be ludicrous! I knew that! Even more so, after I found out she suffered so from bipolar disease.  Perhaps that is why I blew it off or worse, I stuffed it deep inside me where jealousy could grow like flames from Hell burning within a dark crevice of my heart where I forbid anyone to see.  If I never uttered the words or gave credence to its existence; then, maybe it would go away.  Yet, God knew it was there and that it would have to dealt with.  He knew that for His true love to reign in my heart, the chaff of jealousy had to be dealt with.  Because if truth be known, who was my jealousy really of, if not God, Himself.

When the Shulamite woman looked off into the distance, she saw someone on the arms of her beloved and cried out; “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave. Its flames are flames of fire, a most vehement flame” (Song of Solomon 8:6 NKJV).

As I begin to explain jealousy, you might say, “How foolish!”  Yet, stop for a moment, look deep within your own heart to see if any jealousy is lurking there. It was certainly there in the hearts of the apostles.

Jealousy in the Hearts of the Apostles

Continue reading “How is Jealousy like Flames from Hell?”

Mom’s bipolar disease lead her to waiver between feelings of self-aggrandizement and dark depressions from guilt.  Within that world it is hard not to be overtaken by the highest feelings of joy, moments where she felt God intimately, followed by overwhelming sorrow when she felt she had failed Him.  Then, she would feel abandoned for her own sins and failures. Growing up surrounded by her deep changes, I believed God’s love and blessings were dependent upon my ability to always get things right.  Every failure I feared would lead to His Anger and harsh punishment.  My fears, shame and guilt would push me to “work harder” while at the same time keeping me separated from fully understanding His Grace.  The harder I worked, the more I failed.

It took many years to learn that only when I rest in His love, His grace, abiding in Christ’s finished work on the cross, could I hope to live this Christian life.  I cannot overcome sin in my life without His strength. He already won the victory for my sin.  Until my heart recognized that before Him, I stood clothed in the righteousness of Christ; but when I looked in the mirror I saw the filthy rags of my own righteousness.  I cannot live in His abiding, steadfast joy unless my heart knows the truth of my position in Christ Jesus.  Neither can I find victory in my day to day life unless I by faith trust in His victory.

But God did not want to leave me there.  His love was so great that His plan was to teach me of His unconditional love and all-encompassing forgiveness.  He did that through Pete.

Overcoming the Chains of Guilt and Shame

Continue reading “7 Lessons from God Concerning My Guilt and Shame”

While we are not to be chained by the guilt of our past, (see Justification, Guilt and the Road to Victory) we must not become complacent or tolerant of our sin.  We stand justified before God, because of the blood of Christ which covers our sin.  Yet, we cannot; therefore, “sin that grace might abound” (Romans 6:1-2).  The sudden pangs of guilt when we sin serves to bring us to our knees and the Word of God.  We are in the process of being transformed into the image of Christ.  “The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me” (Psalm 138:8).  The process at times is a searing fire.  He is always about the work of transforming each believer into the righteous image of Christ which He has declared us to be. We must not mistakenly believe that justification is a seared conscience, free from ever feeling guilt.

When God created mankind, He gave them a conscience, a moral compass.  Even the nonbeliever has a compass between good and bad, a law within their own hearts.  This compass provides further proof of the existence of God.  Evolution alone cannot provide a moral compass, since survival of the fittest would never consider morality a goal.  Indeed, murder, lies, self-promotion whatever the cost to another would all be considered good, if survival were the only goal.  As Paul wrote, there is a law written on our conscience given by God.

“For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves: Which shew the work of the law written in their heart, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another” Romans 2:14-15.

Justification Does Not Mean a Seared Conscience

It is true that the believer stands justified before God, his or hers sins all covered by the blood of Christ. That truth means that we are not to be chained by sins of our past.  However, it does not mean that our conscience is to be seared so that we no longer feel the pangs of guilt for present sins.  Distinguishing between good and evil in our daily life is necessary.  We have not yet become fully what we shall be.

That God does not account our sin against us anymore, does not mean our sin is unaccountable.  It means that our salvation is secure.  However, our ability to know the joy of our relationship with Him is affected.  As David in his prayer of repentance pleaded, “Restore unto me the joy of my salvation” (Psalms 51:12).  Ah, but look at why he believed this so important, “Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee” (Psalms 51:13).  Shouldn’t that be our goal as a Christian as well?

Our Groaning Over Sin and Our Helper

“Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God.  For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now.  And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body. For we are saved by hope.”

We are to groan whenever we fail God; but, we are not to be chained by our guilt.  Our groaning with frailty is to bring us back to the foot of the cross.  We are not to forget that we have been forgiven.  However, forgiveness cannot mean that I take sin lightly.  Christ paid for my sin.  I must turn my eyes to the Savior seeing fully the price He paid for my sin while at the same time standing in the hope that one day I will look like Him.  Only then, do I see the sorrowful circumstances of this life as “good.”  For God uses every circumstance to bring me closer to Him where He is transforming my heart to reflect the righteousness He has freely given.  He has given us a helper in all of this.

“Likewise, the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.  And He that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because He maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:26-28).

A Seared Conscience

In this world we have seen acts of pure evil and wondered how that could be.  Those are people for whom their conscience is seared.  No longer do they hold a moral compass.  The lies of this world have completely eradicated their ability to know right from wrong.  In fact, they believe themselves always right, never feeling guilt for their actions. “In the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron” (I Timothy 4:1-2).

Unfortunately, we have come to even see this within the modern-day church.  All those who deny the power of the cross. Salvation can only come through faith in Jesus Christ.  We, as Christians, must not abandon the truth of the Gospel message.

Concluding thoughts

While we are not to be chained by guilt, we must not then believe that guilt does not have its proper role in revealing to us our sins.  A seared conscience that never feels guilt while we traverse this world is one contrary to God.  We are to bring our sin with its guilt to the cross of Christ daily, knowing that He has forgiven us.  Then, cleansed by His blood; we ask His strength to sin no more.  We are not to be chained by guilt, nor by sin.

DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?

If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.

ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?

If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here

Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts  comment here

Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?

ABIDING, STEADFAST JOY

A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.

 

 

 

WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”

Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.

You may click on the picture for more information on either of these books.

ANOTHER Book Available

You can find this and all my books on Amazon.com, search Effie Darlene Barba or click this link to be taken there

OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE

If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.

Or for inspirational photos or home decor click here.

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Footnotes and Credits

Photo by Jesse Bowser on Unsplash

IT BEGINS WITH ME

By Effie Darlene Barba

 

With all the pain across this land

What can I do to take a stand?

For hope, for joy and virtue too

Oh Lord, to take my stand for You!

 

There is no hope for truth to reign

While men do use Your name in vain

Their selfish lies Your gospel feign

Our streets now filled with bloody stain

 

My Lord, I come with heavy heart

To ask You God, “What is my part?”

“What can I do? Where do I start?”

I have no strength lest You impart!

 

For if I speak, they will not hear

Embittered souls with deafened ear

With hearts of rage and hearts of fear

While truth and love all disappear

 

Such bitter rain of dark dismay

“What can I do? What can I say?”

Except on bended knee to pray

To plead You come to heal today

 

You are the ONLY Hope I know

Where virtue, truth doth overflow

I plead for them, that You might show

Your mercy, Lord to men so low

 

And let Your victory on the cross

Cover our shame, our bitter loss

Open our ears to hear Your voice

Let peace and love now be our choice

 

Turn evil hearts that they might see

Their only hope of victory

To bow their head on bended knee

Pleading for Grace, humility

 

I cannot see my brother’s pain

While anger, fear within me reign

So, first I come before You now

Please cleanse my heart, Your truth avow

 

It all must now BEGIN with Me

Lord, open now my heart to see

The selfish pride, my guilty stains

Let truth and mercy fill my veins

 

That I might boldly go proclaim

That if each one would call Your Name

And lay aside their selfish pride

Your peace and love could then abide

 

Our freedom, liberty renew

Our torch of hope for all to view

And so Dear Lord, I clearly see

Revival now, begins with me.

Twitter-able Quotes

[bctt tweet=”With all the pain across this land What can I do to take a stand? For hope, for joy and virtue too Oh Lord, to take my stand for You!” username=”effiedarlene”]

[bctt tweet=”There is no hope for truth to reign While men do use God’s name in vain Their selfish lies the gospel feign Our streets now filled with bloody stain” username=”effiedarlene”]

[bctt tweet=”You are the ONLY Hope I know Where virtue, truth doth overflow I plead for them, that You might show Your mercy, Lord to men so low” username=”effiedarlene”]

[bctt tweet=”Such bitter rain of dark dismay “What can I do? What can I say?” Except on bended knee to pray To plead You come to heal today” username=”effiedarlene”]

[bctt tweet=”Turn evil hearts that they might see Their only hope of victory To bow their head on bended knee Pleading for Grace, humility” username=”effiedarlene”]

 

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Footnotes and Credits

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash