Effie Darlene Barba

Whenever we find ourselves in a situation where we are filled with anger, frustration. Then, we find our words and deeds demonstrating un-Christlike behavior; what do we do?   Unfortunately, typically we excuse ourselves for not being able to forgive someone.  We may even try to say that our anger is justified as righteous indignation.  After all, they have hurt us so deeply that we believe we have the right to be angry.  We have blurted out words that are meant to hurt or injure them in the same manner they have hurt us.  Furthermore, search for evidences to prove that we are right in our anger and bitterness.

We may even pray and try to lay the anger at the cross, seeking forgiveness; yet, within the next few hours, once more, the evidence of our unforgiving heart blurts out some statement or proof that we are right in our anger.   Pride stands in the way of our seeing the truth. Yet, the truth of God softens hearts and teaches us to forgive.

When these cruel words once more pour from our lips; we recognize that we have not truly dealt with the issue.  Instead we have only tried to cover it up.  We realize that deep within the recesses of our heart there stands a much bigger issue that we have not dealt with.  So, perhaps, the better question would be instead of what do we do; what can I do that will result in my fulfilling Ephesians 4?

Ephesians 4: ³¹ Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:³² And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Learning God’s Truth to Forgive Mom and Truly Love

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If we try to analyze relationships, particularly within families, we will find that more often our anger is due to misperceptions of what was or is said.  Then, our memories become packed full of negative tapes which play back in our heads, whenever we are around that person.  Whatever they say, we then hear through an already prejudiced mindset, adding fuel to the flame.  We put up walls and barriers which are in place to protect our self, we think.  But the truth is those walls and barriers only cause further harm by allowing anger, loneliness, and bitterness to grow.

The evolutionist will try to tell you that our brains choose to record that which is necessary for survival first. However, as I just pointed out, were that the case then evolution failed in its purpose.  We can see that clearly in a society who is bent on emotions of anger, hatred, and separationist ideologies. Those feelings and ideas ultimately lead to high anxiety, desperation, drug abuse, and even suicide.  All because the memory held fast to negative tapes, snippets of information taken out of context which ignore the good and misinterpret the words to feed a negative narrative.

Paul wrote in Philippians 4:8-9 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.  Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do:  and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Negative Tapes that Lead to Anger

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Two people can witness the same incident.  Yet, our memories see it and record it differently.  So, how do we really find the truth?  For me, growing up in a world with Mom’s undiagnosed bipolar disorder, snippets of memories came to plague me at times.  Recording of mom and dad’s fights burned deep within.  Additionally, words that injured my own pride over the years blasted within my heart and mind.  More than anything, I wanted Mom and Dad to see that my heart was good.  I wanted to be loved.  Yet, my mind recorded each harsh word, while forgetting each sacrificial act of love.  I could not see the truth of their love; although, now I can.  What changed?  How is it I can see the truth now, when I could not see it then?

Our human hearts are born with a desire to be exalted.  We want others to see our goodness, deserving of love and respect.  Obedience comes, at that point, from a desire to be exalted.  Yet, that kind of obedience, always leads to frustration both within our family relationships and with our relationship to God.  Instead, true obedience can only come from a heart of love, respect, and a desire to honor another above one’s self.  Truth opens our eyes to see the world through God’s eyes, rather than our own.  Until I could see the truth of my own self-exalting heart, I harbored anger in my heart.  Though I would tell you I was the one who sacrificially forgave and loved Mom, the truth was far from that.  God so graciously, patiently, and lovingly has step by step transformed my heart to see truth.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

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Painful Suffering comes to us all in this life at some time or another in this journey called life.  Whether it be a broken heart, illness, fear of an unknown future, loss of a loved one, or despair.  Life brings many challenges.  Some are a result of our own choices, while others seem to appear out of nowhere.  Yet, the painful suffering that fills our heart, mind and spirit do come as we face this journey called life on this earth.  However, there is a place of peace, hope and joy that can be found, even in the worst of circumstances.

Both Pete and Mom talked about the depth of painful suffering they endured in their bipolar world.  They would tell me of a pain in their head.  Not a headache.  But a pain that overwhelmed them.  Despite all the painful suffering I have faced in my own life, I must say it never could compare to theirs.  Certainly, I faced moments of doubt, shame, and even moments of sorrow, fear, loneliness, or depression.  Yet, I cannot say I ever endured the depth of painful suffering as did they.  Theirs, at times, spilled over engulfing my life as well. Still, in the midst of it all, God had a perfect plan of love, grace and mercy for each one of us.

The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those crushed by pain. (Psalm 34:18).  In the midst of our painful suffering, He revealed Himself to each one of us.  Therein we each found these truths.  The lessons of God learned through the pain and sorrow.

5 Lessons from God About and Through Painful Suffering

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