Romans Chapters 1 through 11, Paul dealt largely with theology. He laid out the truth regarding sin, human depravity, humanity’s inability to save themselves, God’s miraculous plan of salvation and sanctification. Then, ending that with a shout of exuberant praise and joy; he turned to discuss the practicality of what that means in our lives. Having shown us the how to, he turns to the what for in our lives. It is no wonder that in Romans 12, he addresses the truth that we MUST love with no hypocrisy! But what does that mean? We speak a lot about love in our society. However, do any of us understand love at all? Or are we more like Joni Mitchell’s song Both Sides Now.
Moons and Junes and ferries wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now it’s just another show
And you leave ’em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away
I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions that I recall
I really don’t know love
Really don’t know love at all[1]
I guess we could try to say, “Paul is referring to a different kind of love than Ms Mitchell.” But is he?
C.S. Lewis’s wrote of 4 types of love: Storge (Affection), Philleo (Friendship), Eros-(Romantic), and Agape (Divine Love). Yet, would it not be true that all types of love must be subjected to the highest love to be real? Was Jesus addressing this when questioning Peter about his love? He asked Peter twice ‘do you “agapeis” me?’ And Peter answered, ‘I “Philo” you’. Then, Jesus asked, “Do you ‘Phileas’ me?”
Peter and Jesus
In John 21:15-17, Jesus asked Peter twice ‘do you “agapeis” me?’ And Peter answered, ‘I “Philo” you’. Then, Jesus asked, “Do you ‘Phileas’ me?” Why the different words for love? Phileo love refers to a friendship love. It is one where two or more find that they have a singular goal. Thereby, they are bonded as friends to achieve that goal. Or sometimes, it is a bond because they are facing the same trial in life. A friendship love unites them and strengthens knowing they are not alone.
Therefore, Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me with a divine like, agape love?” Peter must have remembered his own denial of Christ, three times while Jesus was on trial. Peter, remembering his failure, moaned within himself. He had promised to stand by Jesus, even if it meant his own death. Yet, when push came to shove, he denied Christ. Then, he was not even present at the cross as His Savior died. Shame, sorrow filled his heart as he responded, “I love you with a friendship love.” Acutely aware of his own failure, he knew he could not attest to loving Jesus with a perfect divine like love.
Yet, Jesus with such graciousness and loving kindness pushes this one step further and then asks Peter, “Do you love me with a friendship love?” For a moment that question burned deep within Peter’s heart. Yet, with each question, Jesus replys with a command. The first response was, “Feed my lambs.” To the second, “Shepherd my sheep.” And to the Third, “Feed my sheep.” He had a job for Peter. And He needed Peter to know that the love needed for that job, was a love greater than Peter could ever have alone.
Therefore, what is true love with no hypocrisy?
Without the love of God filling our hearts we can never love anyone on any level with no hypocrisy. Think about it! When, without the Holy Spirit’s help have you ever completely forsaken your own self to love another? Oh, perhaps you have sacrificially given. However, did you afterwards think, “that was a kind thing I just did” and pat yourself on the back? If so, who was the beneficiary of your kind act? How often is our love just that, a hypocrisy?
So, often this is the failure of our love relationships. Do we truly consider the best for the one we love or how they make us feel? This a lesson that took years and years plus many tears for me to learn.
A Lesson in True Love
This was the case for me regarding Pedro Barba, Jr. Initially, I was drawn to this handsome, super intelligent man by everything about him. Yet, he was so sad, and he was not a Christian. Well, of course, I could not stop thinking of him. My heart fluttered every time I saw him (which that did happen to the end). In the name of love, I compromised many of God’s commands. Justifying my actions with, “Afterall with enough love I could bring this broken soul to Christ and fix him.”
Alas, many years later, I found myself drowning in despair. I left him several times; yet God drew me back for by then I was his wife and so wanted to get this right. I had already been divorced and I finally wanted to fix whatever was broken between God and me. As though I could.
Yet, through all of it God never abandoned me. Indeed, He taught me of unconditional love—a true love that forgives yet does not leave the other where they found them. For true love with no hypocrisy, sees the soul of the other as precious. True love desires more than anything for the one loved to find Christ and be presented to Christ pure and clean.
In the end, Pete accepted Christ as His Savior and then, he was gone. He died on July 23, 1994. Did I pay a price for my sin? More than I would have time to tell you here. Much of the story is chronicled in my books or in the series on my website titled, “In Search of Love” Sin always comes with a price. Yet, it was God’s grace that lead Pete to be saved and to draw me closer to God every step of this journey.
A God Sized Love
God is love (agape love) I John 4:8. “15 If anyone[al] confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God resides[am] in him and he in God. 16 And we have come to know and to believe[an] the love that God has in us.[ao] God is love, and the one who resides[ap] in love resides in God, and God resides in him. 17 By this[aq] love is perfected with[ar] us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment, because just as Jesus[as] is, so also are we in this world” (John 4:15-18 NET).
The sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in us will perfect us in love, whatever fire we must walk, trial we must face, or valley we must pass through. He will do whatever it takes to transform our selfish hearts. But in that process, it would be much easier if we learned our lessons the first time. Which brings us back to Romans 12: 9-12 (NET).
Love must be[j] without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another with mutual love, showing eagerness in honoring one another. 11 Do not lag in zeal, be enthusiastic in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, endure in suffering, persist in prayer.
Tall Order-yes, but it is what love with no hypocrisy looks like.
Love with No Hypocrisy
If I had genuinely loved Pete with no hypocrisy from the beginning, I would have never compromised on God’s Commands. Instead my own desires to be loved by Pete got in the way of my obeying God and letting Him work out the circumstances. I loved the way it made me feel that this brilliant handsome man could even consider me. Over the years, I realized that had I waited; God would have worked it all out His way with less suffering on my part. Still God’s grace took all the broken, shattered pieces to do something amazing and beautiful. Along the way, He also taught me that it is best to obey His commandments.
10 If you obey[a] my commandments, you will remain[b] in my love, just as I have obeyed[c] my Father’s commandments and remain[d] in his love. John 15:10.
So, for my love to truly be like His love with no hypocrisy, I must obey His commandments. Instead I had fallen into the very trap C.S.Lewis speaks of in his book The Four Loves
C.S.Lewis
“Every human love, at its height, has a tendency to claim for itself a divine authority. Its voice tends to sound as if it were the will of God Himself. It tells us not to count the cost, it demands of us a total commitment, it attempts to over-ride all other claims and insinuates that any action which is sincerely done “for love’s sake” is thereby lawful and even meritorious……We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. They become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred.”[2]
Therefore, true love has no hypocrisy. It hates evil and clings to good; because it knows that to absolutely love another is to care more about their soul than one’s own physical and emotional gratifications.
For me, I thank God for His Grace in saving Pete. Furthermore, I thank God for turning my eyes back onto Himself as my greatest treasure. And I humbly bow before Him for His precious enduring patience in teaching me about how to genuinely love with no hypocrisy. He continues every day in His lessons toward me in all areas of love. I do wish to remain in His love; therefore, I must obey His commandments. I may not lose my salvation, but as King David and I discovered, I certainly can lose the joy of my salvation. Furthermore, I can drift into bitterness if I do not remain in His love where there is no hypocrisy.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR AND LORD?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. There is nothing more important than this; because He is the way, the truth and the life. Therefore, I urge you to seek Him today.
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Disclosures
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2019
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
credits:
[1] Mitchell, Joni, Both Sides Now, https://www.google.com/search?q=both+sides+now+words&oq=both&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j69i61l2.101900j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8, accessed 5/02/2020
[2] C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves, The Beloved Works of C.S. Lewis, 2004, Inspirational Press, Edison NJ, p 216-217.
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