Christ calls us to a life of self-denial. As I look back through my life story, I now see that Mom; though plagued by Bipolar Disease has lived such a life.
So, the man who chose to follow Christ goes forward on the way. And when he must learn to know the world and what is in the world, the world’s strength and his own weakness, when the struggle with flesh and blood distresses him when the going is heavy and there are many foes and no friends then the agony of it may wring from him the moan I walk alone… But on that way where a man follows Christ the height of suffering is the height of glory. Even as the pilgrim moans in his heart he reckons himself to be in bliss… And this is the joyful hope that he shall follow where He has gone. -Soren Kierkegaard, The Gospel of Sufferings
Mom and me
But on that way where a man follows Christ the height of suffering is the height of glory.[1] (Kierkegaard) Those words ring out as a banner of truth, hope and glory for Mom. Though as a child, I did not understand the depth of trials she lived in. Nor was it something I understood, as a young woman. Even after her diagnosis of bipolar (manic depressive disorder with psychotic features), I could not fully comprehend the anguish which she faced. Oh, yes, being a nurse and later a nurse practitioner, I could tell you the medical definition. But I could not comprehend her world. Instead, I found myself often frustrated by it, or even angry.
However, I have come to realize the strength, the courage, and the depth of love it has taken for her to live in this world. Never did her love for God falter; although, it was her lot to live a life of self-denial. Neither did her love for me ever falter. Hers has been a world of self-denial and sacrifice; hence, emulating a follower of Christ through it all. And if the height of suffering is the height of Glory, hers is a Glorious Crown awaiting her one day.
God’s Grace in Choosing Mom
God in His Sovereign Wisdom chose Mom to be the perfect Mother, to point me to Christ as the only hope. He had prepared me to be the wife of Pedro Barba, Jr. Despite all my own failures, He shone through the holes in my life to change the eternity of Pete. He also struggled with bipolar disorder. Many through the years have hailed my strength and courage; but, alas I have none. Mom and Pete taught me of courage and love.
Only through dying to self, can one find the strength that comes from knowing Christ. Perfect love is a sacrificial love as so exemplified by Jesus Christ on the cross. That kind of love, Mom demonstrated and ultimately did Pete. The kind of love I could only dream of. But God is not through with me yet. He continues to transform this heart, until one day; I will look like Him.
SELF-DENIAL AND FOLLOWING CHRIST
Christ said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me”[2] (Luke 9:23). No one faces this truth more clearly than the Christian who suffers bipolar disorder. Theirs is a cross that wavers from self-aggrandizement to the depth of despairing self-hatred. Fears ravage their minds at times. Yet, it is there where my story begins. It does not end there.
Paul prayed that God remove the thorn in the flesh that tortured him. God’s reply was: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). To which Paul concluded: “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in destresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.
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Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?
A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.
WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”
Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.
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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Footnotes and Credits
[1] Soren Kierkegaard, The Gospel of Sufferings, A.S. Aldworth and W.S. Ferrie, (Cambridge, United Kingdom: James Clark & Company, 1955, 23
[2] Biblical References: Unless otherwise noted, all Biblical passages referenced are in the King James Version
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