Feelings of Rejection
Most of my life, I battled with feelings of rejection; somehow, feeling I never measured up. To gain God’s love, I felt I must try harder. Somewhere amid the turmoil of my own mind, I believed love must be earned. A dangerous place to stand before a Holy God. My mind knew the truth of scripture; but, my heart longed to feel the reality of God’s love. It would be a long road to discover the truth of God’s unconditional love and grace toward me. Perhaps it was clearer, when at the age of five, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I knew then that it was grace alone that saved me. Yet, I had to learn that it is His Grace alone that loved me every step of this journey, no matter what.
There within our emotions, the battle ground lies. When facing feelings of rejection, we must first recognize it for what it is; an internal battle with the sin of pride. One of the hardest things for pride to accept is an unmerited gift. We want to believe we have earned it. Our “self” rises up to heights of aggrandizement, seeing the world through our own eyes. Yet, Christ calls us to crucify that self, so that our identity can be found in Him. Though on this earth, Christ faced the rejection of men, the only time He faced the feeling of rejection was when all our sin lay upon Him. The Father and Holy Spirit, unable to look upon sin, had turned their back toward Him for a second in time and the wrath of God against sin was poured out upon Him, so that we might be redeemed.
Despair Within Rejection
Soren Kierkegaard wrote in The Sickness Unto Death, “The self wants in its despair to savour to the full the satisfaction of making itself into itself, of developing itself, of being itself; it wants to take the credit for this fictional masterly project, its own way of understanding itself”[1] We want to believe we deserve or have earned God’s love. As such, we struggle to see that every set-back, trial, or sorrow we face are truly acts of love and grace by a Sovereign God toward us. He knows that our heart cannot find true joy, peace, and hope until it dies to self that He our Creator might live in and through us. This is a cross we must take up daily, for each morning “self” arises to exalt itself once more upon the throne.
Note that Christ said, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). Every morning we must die to self, that He might live. Ah, but it is there that we find that abiding, steadfast joy as I described in the book I wrote by that name. All too quickly we forget the truths of His Sovereignty over all the details of our life. We quickly forget that His plan for us is for our ultimate joy. He desires us to remember our identity (place in this world), our purpose, and our position in Him.
Feeling Rejection, Seeking His Truth
When I forget who I am in Christ Jesus, I begin to fret and worry that perhaps His silence on answering “my requests” of Him are a sign of rejection. My mind quickly wants to pout or declare, “Maybe it is all my fault, He really doesn’t love me.”
Truth is I don’t deserve His love; but, He loved me all the same. All He desires is to bring me to a place of fullness of joy in Him for an eternity with Him. He who created me, knows exactly what is needed to transform my heart. Therefore, whatever trial I face, He has a plan for my good.
What is my part? To seek His face every morning. Lay aside the sin of pride which so easily causes me to stumble in my faith. The more I seek Him in prayer and reading His word, He transforms me from the inside out. Something I cannot do from the outside in.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
For someone who has fought this battle all her life, let me say; “There is nothing so sweet as finding Abiding, Steadfast Joy as can only be found through Jesus Christ. I may have to pick up my cross daily; but, He is there to lift it for me.”
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.
OR ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?
If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here
Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts comment here
Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?
A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.
WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”
Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.
You may click on the picture for more information on either of these books.
ANOTHER Book Available
You can find this and all my books on Amazon.com, search Effie Darlene Barba or click this link to be taken there
OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE
If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.
Or for inspirational photos or home decor click here.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Footnotes and Credits
[1] Soren Kierkegaard, The Sickness unto Death, trans. Alastair Hannay (London: Penguin Books, 2004), 101.
Picture used by permission of RoninRon’s Custom Art