It was February 4, 2010. My mind was in a spiraling whirlwind of emotions, alone. Helplessness, sorrow, anger, guilt, fatigue, fear and even love were all jumbled in my brain as I wrote a blog post that day called, “What do I do when I am lost in a sea of craziness?” Mom was in the hospital with a psychotic breakdown. It wasn’t the first; but, it did seem the worst she had experienced over the course of the time I had been taking care of her. Beyond that, exhausted and broke, I feared a financial collapse. Having spent way beyond my means to provide private sitters for mom to avoid this breakdown; it came anyway. I was drowning emotionally, physically, and financially. Unless someone reached out a helping hand to rescue me, I might not survive.
As all the mixed emotions were whirling in my head, I began to wonder “where is the fine line between sanity and insanity?” I “carried the torch for Christ, for my family, and for work, alone” I thought.
That day, I wondered; “Really, am I so different from Mom? Don’t I have fears, sorrows, worries, and moments of depression? “The only difference between mom and me?” I thought. “I hold my emotions tightly hidden deep within; whereas, she wears her emotions like a banner of honor; as though her diagnosis gave her the freedom to do or say whatever she pleased.” I, on the other hand; got up, went to work, strove to say the right things, struggled to pay all the bills for both of us, cleaned the house, stood responsibly; while clinging tight to the final shred of hope. And then try to forgive myself when I failed to get it all done. Angry, tired and desperate; I was drowning.
WHEN LOST AND ALONE
Furthermore, I hated myself for allowing such a thought to enter my brain. After all, there was mom completely lost into a psychotic world and I so unsympathetic; thinking of only my own pain. Yet, the pain ran so deep; I only wanted to run. Praying fervently: I pleaded with God, even though I had no idea what to pray. If God is with me; then, He is all I need, right? Then why did I feel so all alone.
GOD SENT A HELPING HAND
I learned a valuable lesson the next day when I received a call from Alberto, my son. He had read the blog and suddenly knew that he must intervene with a word of truth. He called to give me a reality check.
“Mom, listen to me.” He was very firm and strong as he began to outline the truth of my identity in Christ. He reminded me of the ministry I had been called to do and that I must stand on the truth of “who I am in Christ Jesus”. “Quit listening to Satan’s lies pull it together”, he commanded.
Then with a gentler voice, he said; “Mom, I love you, you are stronger than this and you know the truth of God’s strength in you. You have been through a lot worse with God’s guidance. So, why would you, now, let your testimony be destroyed over something you have no control over? I don’t understand; because, I wish I had the testimony of strength you do. You have the power of God in you to control your response to the situation at hand; so, use it. By the way, I am not the one who is the best listener. So, if you need someone to listen, call Ron or Melissa. Love you.” With that, he hung up.
NOT ALONE
Suddenly, I realized that I was not a force of one. As I reflected on what had happened, I realized that God designed our pilgrimage journey on this earth in such a manner as to need each other.
EPHESIANS 4:4-7,16 (TLB)
4 We are all parts of one body, we have the same Spirit, and we have all been called to the same glorious future. 5 For us there is only one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and we all have the same God and Father who is over us all and in us all, and living through every part of us. 7 However, Christ has given each of us special abilities … Under his direction, the whole body is fitted together perfectly, and each part in its own special way helps the other parts, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.
NEEDING EACH OTHER
When Christ, ascended He gave gifts to men. Yet, God so designed the gifts in a manner that we all need each other. He did not give you or me all the gifts; allowing us to stand alone. Each of us hold one primary motivational gift. For the work of the church to grow and prosper, we need all the spiritual gifts working in harmony. That means, we need each other.
Jesus Christ, chose your unique spiritual gift; just as He did mine and every individual one who makes up His body, the church.
But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ. Wherefore he saith, ‘When he ascended up on high, he led captivity captive, and gave gifts unto men.’ Ephesians 4:7-8
Harmoniously, united we stand strong. No one stands alone. Together, in love we become a force that cannot be destroyed when storms surround us. Each reaching out in love, we strengthen each other.
That day, Alberto stepped out of his comfort zone and God for a moment equipped him with the gift of exhortation; although, his primary gifts are leadership and giving (equally). Yes, sometimes God allows us to utilize other gifts in moments of crisis; as, He did that day. And, yes; some people have two gifts equally balanced, when, God so chooses.
CONCLUDING THOUGHTS
When we try to stand alone, we often become angry, embittered and lose perspective. God designed His church, so we would need each other. He did the same within the family. We need to learn how to value each other’s uniqueness in the body of the church, the family and the community; reaching out our hands in love and unity.
This week my heart bleeds for all those hurting in the wake of Hurricane Harvey. Each day, I pray for God to strengthen those who have lost so much. Still, I know; God has a plan for good. Perhaps the blessing in the middle of this tragedy is: People reaching out their hand to help each other, proving to them, they are not alone. We all need each other and need to love each other; as Christ loved us, willing to suffer and even die to save us.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link.
OR ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?
If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here or comment here
OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE
A Broken and Contrite Heart, I published in 2010, answers the question, “What do I do when I keep falling into the same sin? Does God hate me because I keep failing to get this right? So, where do I begin again and find joy in my salvation; after, falling. If you want to know more about this book or the other books I have written: You can find a link at: Book Resources.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2017
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Although the inscription is mine the Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash