Learning the Truth in Love and Forgiveness ⋆ Effie Darlene Barba

With all that I had learned of love and forgiveness during the years I lived with Pete, one would think that truth would permeate all the areas of my life. However, it did not. God, in His wisdom, continued to work on my heart through circumstances, trials, and lessons from Him.

After Pete’s death, I returned home. During the first months, I traveled back and forth from Mexico. Completing the tasks set before me, I left the children with Mom. One month in Mexico, one month in Missouri; I made the arduous three-day drive from Pachuca to Dexter alone. Emotionally, mom struggled with the task. Instead of truly understanding her struggle, I was frustrated by it. Right before I was able to make my final move to Missouri, I lost half of all my money in the 1994 crash of the Mexican markets. Mom rushed out and bought me a home. Instead of seeing this act of sacrificial love and kindness, I became obsessed with her words. She said, “I bought the house because I could not imagine having to live with you and your children.”

Yes, Mom sometimes blurted out words without thought. But if I had forgiven Pete his moments of violence through understanding, why was it harder to know forgiveness for Mom.

More Lessons in Love and Forgiveness

Then, in 1997, I decided to go to Vanderbilt to seek my master’s Degree in Nursing. The children and I discussed it at length before I made that decision. I would travel from Dexter to Nashville on Sunday, stay in the dorm, and return on Friday. Mom would come over and cook their breakfast, do their laundry and have dinner on the table. I called every evening. My sons were more mature than most their age, so I trusted them. Besides it was a small town, our house was nestled between the homes of a lawyer and an older woman who would have told me if anything was going on.

November 1998, I was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of breast cancer. How gracious God is. Now looking back, whenever I would question my decision to go to school, I know that the cancer which was hidden would not have been found if I had not been at Vanderbilt. Nor would I have been in a trial study which proved the curing factor. Every step of the way, God controlled the details of my life. He also placed me in the position where I needed Mom’s help, even if I did not want to admit it.

School, chemo, and battles completed. My sons both off to study, I then had an unusually aggressive form of ulcerative colitis that did not respond to the high dose steroids and constant medications. Ultimately, I had my colon removed. For one month, I lived with a very unruly ileostomy that awakened me each morning with a broken bag. Feeling so very alone at 4 am, shivering in bed, trying to get a new bag on after a shower; I called Mom who came running over to help.

Intertwining Our Lives, God’s Grace

How could I not fully see her sacrifice? In truth, I did; but, a part of my selfish pride did not. Having finally gotten past the cancer, the ulcerative colitis, and the surgeries; I decided to move 4 hours away. Again, I allowed a new tape to play in my head. At one moment of frustration, mom had said, “I will be so glad when you and your children are gone so I can just rest and do what I want.” So, off I went to my new job and new life. Six months later, Mom had a complete emotional breakdown and I moved her to Springfield to be near me.

After searching all the available independent living facilities, I chose the best, brightest and newest I could find. A part of me wanted so much for Mom to be happy with my choices. Yet, she would tell everyone, I took everything from her. When I asked her why, she would tell me that she liked people to feel sorry for her.

Together

When in 2003, I moved to Florida; I moved mom in with me. For the next 13 years, we lived together. There were moments when her medications would require adjustments. Other times, she would end up in the hospital in a psychiatric ward. I just wanted her to be happy; but, I wanted to prove myself by being the source of that happiness. A very foolish, self-centered love; not, true love and forgiveness as God had shown me. Yet, step by step God was chipping away the stony bits of my heart. Mom can no longer be left alone throughout the day and requires more care. She is now in a nursing home. However, I see her for the woman of strength, courage, and sacrificial love. God had finally transformed my heart to know the truth of love and forgiveness.

Mom is and has always been my best friend, my greatest advocate, and my prayer warrior. I who had been too blinded by selfish pride, had been unable to see that before. But now I do.

An All Wise God of Grace

It was a gracious, loving, patient God who designed every detail of my life that I might grow in His grace, His love and His forgiveness.

2 Corinthians 4:

⁶For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

⁷But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

⁸We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;

⁹Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;

¹⁰Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

¹¹For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.

Whatever you are facing today, know this: God is using every detail in your life to transform you into the image of Christ. He is patiently, gently, lovingly chiseling away the stony parts of your heart that you might know the truth of love and forgiveness in Christ Jesus.

DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?

If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.

ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?

If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here

Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts comment here

A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.

WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”

Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.

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ANOTHER Book Available

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OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE

If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.

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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.