With all the brokenness within our human heart, how do we learn to really love with God’s Heart. He who saw the darkest crevices of my self-exalting sin of pride, the filthy rags I chose to adorn myself, still loved me unconditionally and pursued me relentlessly. Choosing me to be His own, even knowing every time I would stumble and fail in my futile attempts to love Him as I should. How often did I fail to bring glory to His name? Or how often did I bemoan His plan, somehow thinking I knew better than He what was best for me? There was a time, I asked why it was my entire life had been providing care for those with bipolar disorder. Why was there no one to care for me? So, foolish I was! For now, I see how truly blessed I have been.
Mom and Pete battled a disease I could not fully comprehend. I must confess there were times when my heart cried out, “Why can’t you get it together? Everyone faces moments of depression and moments of joy. Just put one foot in front of the other and try harder. That is what I have to do.” There were moments when their critical words blurted out unfiltered cut deep into my soul. I wanted to cry out in despair. For Pete, his disease also came with moments of violent, uncontrollable rage as he reached the peak of mania, just before he plummeted into a deep, dark suicidal depression. I became entrapped in this rollercoaster of emotions with them. From love to fear to sorrow, I was the one who had to be strong; but, knew deep within, I wasn’t strong.
Learning to Really Love
I pleaded with God at times to release my heart. Instead, each time I begged to be freed from the love that bound me to Pete and Mom; He opened a window for me to understand their pain. At first, I felt more trapped. I would cry out to God, “I can’t do this. You’ve got the wrong girl, God.” Then, step by step, through His strength, I kept moving forward. My feeble arms and legs would gain strength, moving through one moment at a time. Pete found Jesus Christ as his Savior before he died. God’s plan was the salvation of one soul for all of eternity. At the same time, God opened my eyes to see that there was no pain too great to suffer for the salvation of one soul.
What I suffered was nothing compared to what Christ had suffered for my salvation. After all, I was broken, a sinner undeserving of His Grace; yet, He loved me just the same. Inch by inch, God had taught me how to really love Pete. He had taught me to see Pete and to love him in a way that displayed God’s heart to him. Something, I could not have done on my own. In fact, I can tell you of all the times I failed to do just that. But, God in His great mercy shone through me to reach out to Pete, irrespective of my own failures and flaws. Then, Pete died. Certainly, that was not my plan. I just wanted him healed, so that I might also reap the joy of his love for me. But that was not God’s plan, as I explained in the introduction to Abiding, Steadfast Joy.
God’s Heart
Next God needed to mend the brokenness that remained between Mom and me. There was so much more I had to learn. After Pete’s death, I returned home. Living near Mom, all the tapes of our past came flooding in. Well, there were even new ones that came to add to my collection. During those years, I battled widowhood, being a single parent to teenage sons who had already faced too much pain in their own lives, and to battle breast cancer, followed by ulcerative colitis. Focused on my own struggles, I could not see the sacrifice of Mom’s love for me. I needed to learn a lot before I could really love with God’s Heart pulsating through my veins.
Concluding thoughts:
For the rest of the story, I bid you return next Monday. However, for now let me say, “God’s plan is perfect, even when we don’t understand.” He is never content to leave us where He found us. Instead, He will transform our hearts into hearts that can truly love with God’s Heart pulsating through us. That is His promise. The question is: Have you accepted His gift of salvation? His work of transforming your heart begins there.
I John 2:5 But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.
As Jesus prayed to the Father that we may be made perfect in love. John 17: 23 I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
I John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.
ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?
If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here
Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts comment here
For previous post regarding God’s love:
Can Broken People Love Unconditionally?
Being Rooted and Grounded in the Magnitude of God’s Love
Or for poetry
If I could Only See the Truth of God’s Love for Me
Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?
A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.
WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”
Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.
You may click on the picture for more information on either of these books.
ANOTHER Book Available
You can find this and all my books on Amazon.com, search Effie Darlene Barba or click this link to be taken there
OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE
If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.
Or for inspirational photos or home decor click here.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Footnotes and Credits
Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash
Psalm 105:1 O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.
2 Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.
3 Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the Lord.
4 Seek the Lord, and his strength: seek his face evermore.
5 Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;