Whenever we find ourselves in a situation where we are filled with anger, frustration. Then, we find our words and deeds demonstrating un-Christlike behavior; what do we do? Unfortunately, typically we excuse ourselves for not being able to forgive someone. We may even try to say that our anger is justified as righteous indignation. After all, they have hurt us so deeply that we believe we have the right to be angry. We have blurted out words that are meant to hurt or injure them in the same manner they have hurt us. Furthermore, search for evidences to prove that we are right in our anger and bitterness.
We may even pray and try to lay the anger at the cross, seeking forgiveness; yet, within the next few hours, once more, the evidence of our unforgiving heart blurts out some statement or proof that we are right in our anger. Pride stands in the way of our seeing the truth. Yet, the truth of God softens hearts and teaches us to forgive.
When these cruel words once more pour from our lips; we recognize that we have not truly dealt with the issue. Instead we have only tried to cover it up. We realize that deep within the recesses of our heart there stands a much bigger issue that we have not dealt with. So, perhaps, the better question would be instead of what do we do; what can I do that will result in my fulfilling Ephesians 4?
Ephesians 4: 31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
Learning God’s Truth to Forgive Mom and Truly Love
The truth of God needed to soften my heart to unlock the negative tapes and teach me how to forgive. Within the relationship of mom and me, I needed a lot of help. Conflicted by the hidden anger which came from stuffing my emotions, God worked with great patience to soften my heart. Why was this so much harder? A greater divide stood in the way; because, I was unwilling and unable to recognize the problem inside myself. God began to work through my relationship with Pete. Therein, He taught me how true love does forgive. True love, like Christ’s, is unconditional. God taught me that through all the trials faced within my life with Pete. First, I had to understand God’s unconditional love toward me.
Miraculously, God taught me of His unconditional love by filling my heart with unconditional love. Willingly, I forgave Pete; because, God would reveal to me the heart of Pete and the conflicts he faced in his bipolar world. This was step one; but, God knew it would take even more to soften my heart toward Mom. Although I could see the root cause of Pete’s moments of violence, I needed to translate that into the same ability to forgive Mom for words that hurt and played within my mind.
Trials at Work: Lessons on How to forgive.
As we already looked at in previous chapters, I have struggled with the need to feel loved, the need to feel validated, and the need to feel that at least at something I was good. That need drove me further. It stood out as a motivating factor in my life. In some ways that was good; because it drove me to strive harder and to succeed at work. However, as with everything it becomes a matter of the heart whether that is truly good, or it turns into self-exalting, prideful behaviors.
I worked very hard to succeed at work. Whatever task was placed in my hands I marched forward and asked God for His guidance and strength, recognizing it was not my own strength that could accomplish it. When did that turn from being a mission for God into something that I clung to with all my soul? I can’t tell you. Perhaps I would have never known that it had changed; until one day God ripped the secure position I thought was my stronghold from my grasping hands.
My position at work was suddenly changed. I became frightened, angry, frustrated, and felt betrayed. I wanted to find someone to blame; someone for whom I could be angry. I plunged deep into my heart to try to understand this anger; because, I knew that anger could not be a part of who I am in Christ and could cause harm to the name of Christ. I needed to find those dark spots in my heart so that God’s light could shine into them, dispelling their power.
The Truth of God Softens My Heart
At first, I did not realize it was God who ripped my position of prestige from my hands. Remembering the truth of Romans 8:28 I told myself that if God is in control and His plan was to make all things work together for good; then this was part of His Plan for my life. So, I began to pray desperately to remove the anger and please not allow this to hurt my testimony for Him. I would think finally I had conquered this when suddenly out of nowhere came angry thoughts or snide words. Ok, so there must be something much deeper I needed to identify.
I began a nightly journey in which I asked God to reveal the source. There it was, I had replaced my only true source of joy (God) with a counterfeit joy in my work. I had begun to believe that my protection, my sense of being loved, and my security were found in my job; rather, than truly trusting God whenever the counterfeit joy seemed to slip from my hands. I delved into the scripture once more to cling tight to my only hope which was grounded in the covenant promises of God who was the one who loved me, provided for me, and protected me. Then, I began the arduous task of erasing all the negative tapes and replacing them with those of virtue and kindness.
Concluding Thoughts:
Every trial that we face, God is working to transform our hearts. Through the years, He has guided me. Thank God, He didn’t leave me where He found me. Next time I will give you the 5 steps of how to overcome anger that I learned from God’s patient, guiding hand of love.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.
ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?
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For previous post in this series:
How to Erase Those Negative Tapes that Lead to Anger
Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?
A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.
WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”
Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.
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ANOTHER Book Available
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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Footnotes and Credits
Photo by Jake Thacker on Unsplash