While caught up in my own feelings, I could not see that Mom also struggled with feelings of rejection. It is that way so often, you see. Our own feelings of rejection cause us to reject the person we are projecting these feelings on. Then, our actions cause them to feel rejected and a vicious cycle begins.
In her bipolar world, mom would walk into a room and believe she could hear what others were thinking. What she heard were voices rejecting and critical of her. Although these were her own thoughts about herself, it was easier to believe they came from others. She was dealing with feelings of rejection and a desperate desire to be loved.
As I began to grow in Christ and understand more about His unconditional love and grace, I should have been able to reach out to Mom and help her see the same. At moments I do; but, at other times, I fail to do that. Why? Because, I too, must each morning remind myself of who I am in Christ. Daily, I must take up my cross, die to self, and live for Christ. It is a day to day journey, seeking Him early in the morning, at moments through the day, and before I go to sleep at night.
Pride and quasi humility is always lurking at the door of our hearts, for as long as we walk upon this earth. Yet, the Holy Spirit is there within us to guide us, to remind us of who we are in Christ, and to slay this dragon that would destroy us.
God’s Grace Overcomes
I came face to face with my feelings of rejection when I married Pete. Believing my unworthiness, it was easy to accept the moments of abuse. Always striving to be better, wanting to gain his love; while always feeling the problem was me. Over the course of time; however, I came to realize Pete’s struggles. He, too, was bipolar, although never diagnosed formally. Frightened to say, “I love you.” He was a broken soul striving to find his way. God did an amazing thing. He filled my heart with an unconditional love that could see Pete’s heart through God’s eyes, leading to my staying. Through all the pain, God opened my eyes to see Pete’s pain. All of this, so that God would use me to lead Pete to Christ one day. An eternity was changed. God taught me many lessons along that road.
God’s love so great and His grace so magnificent, He used my feeble heart to be the instrument that lead Pete to Him. This life with all its years are but a split second in time compared to eternity. If filled with pains, sorrows and despair which draws one to seek God, so be it. Because nothing can compare to the joy we will know in Him. Furthermore, as we seek Him; not only will our joy be in Him one day, we also, find a place of abiding, steadfast joy here and now as we grow in our knowledge of Him.
Lessons from God
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There is no sorrow too great to bear for the salvation of one soul.
We need only look to Jesus to know that. As Isaiah spoke of Him.
He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from Him; He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. Surely, He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4
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Joy is found in a relationship with Jesus Christ, as we learn to die to self that He might live in and through us.
I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ, and be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death. Philippians 3:8-10
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Feelings of rejection are a quasi-humility born out of pride; believing we deserve more.
The truth is: in Christ Jesus we have more than we ever deserved, because of His abounding love and grace toward us.
For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in His blood, to declare His righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God. To declare, I say, at this time His righteousness. That He might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus. Romans 3: 23-26
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He who gave His Son to die that we might live an eternity in His presence is FOR us.
Never does He withhold from us His best. Even in our sufferings, He is bringing us to His best, by allowing us to discover He is the treasure, love, and hope our heart desires. He will never leave us clinging to counterfeit joys that cannot satisfy.
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? Romans 8:31-32
It may not be the all things you think you want. However, it will be the all things that guide you into a place of true joy-abiding and steadfast as only can be found in Him. God knows exactly what your heart needs to be able to experience His Love, His Joy, His Peace and His Glory in your life.
Only One Answer
There is only one answer: Jesus. Only He can heal all the pain and sorrow that lies within your heart. He stands with open arms and bids you come to Him.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. Because there is nothing more important than this, I urge you to seek Him today.
ARE YOU IN OF NEED PRAYER?
If you have a prayer request email me by clicking here
Or if you would like to tell me your story or thoughts comment here
Do You Want to Know the Secret to Abiding Steadfast Joy?
A labor of love, this book provides you with 3 foundations of truth from the scripture which once known will provide you with abiding, steadfast joy. Undaunted by the storms of life; your joy will overflow.
WHEN INJUSTICE AND VIOLENCE REIGN:
Through a study of Nahum, Habukkuk, and Zephaniah; I brought their message into our modern times. Answering the questions of “Why, God?”
Providing a foundation of faith and hope; even, as we see so much evil in the world and in our nation. With so much sorrow and despair, this book I wrote to guide you into discovering God’s Perfect Plan of love; amid this chaotic world filled with life’s storms.
You may click on the picture for more information on either of these books.
ANOTHER Book Available
You can find this and all my books on Amazon.com, search Effie Darlene Barba or click this link to be taken there
OTHER RESOURCES AVAILABLE
If you want to know more about other books I have written: You can read more about each one at: Book Resources.
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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2018
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
Footnotes and Credits
Photo by Edwin Andrade on Unsplash