When I walked into the assisted living where mom is now staying, it was about 5 pm. She wasn’t at the dinner table where she normally would be at that time of day. They didn’t serve the food until about 5:30; but she always got there early to “make certain they didn’t forget her.” This time, I found her in her room with the lights off. She was lying in bed and kept saying, “I am just sick because I am so afraid I am going to run out of diapers. I couldn’t even sleep last night.” I went over to her closet to find she had over 50 pull ups there. She was in a complete panic. I could see the fear in her eyes. I tried to comfort her with the reality that she had more than enough to last at least two weeks and that I would bring them later in the week. No decrease in her panic. I reminded her that never over the 13 years that she lived with me did she run out of anything that she needed; because I had always provided. Still, no decrease in her panic. Again, I reminded her that I came regularly with additional things at least 2 times per week. She had a pantry of food in her room that I kept stocked, “just in case they forget her or are late.” Finally, I promised to return the next day with a fresh new supply of 72 more and then she was content.
DOES GOD WEEP WHEN I AM DOUBT HIS GOODNESS?
For me there was the blend of frustration and sadness, that after all I have done to try to ease her anxieties, she was still afraid over what for me are trivial things. Then I realized that for an all-powerful God who has provided for me every step of the way, how often I have sounded just like Mom sounded. Throughout the scripture, God has written; “do not fear for I am with you.” Yet, how often have I in my lifetime felt fear; even panic while awaiting His answer to something I am certain would now seem trivial. How often in my lifetime have I caused God sadness because I didn’t see that He was enough? Jesus wept when the crowd did not recognize that He had come with the gift of life to raise Lazarus from the dead. He had come to demonstrate His Glory that they might have joy in Him; yet, no one saw that(John 11). Have I caused Him to weep when I have failed to trust Him? He is all I need. He is working out the best for me. He has promised to be faithful and to complete the work He began in my life.