“Behold, how beautiful you are, my darling,
Behold, how beautiful you are!
Your eyes are dove’s eyes.” Solomon 1:15 (AMP)
As I returned to school, I was so grateful to have my daughter to drive me and to help me for the first two weeks, then she went back home. Next step was to face chemotherapy. I would receive the chemotherapy every three weeks for 4 doses. What I soon found was a pattern. Three days after chemo my body ached, my shoulders hurt, my brain seemed in a fog, and there was a heavy metallic pressure in my mid chest which was so intense I could hardly breath. That would begin to ease and then 9 days later, a horrendous fatigue along with the severe drop in my white count would happen. By day 18, I began to feel a little better; then it was time for the next dose. It was God’s grace and sheer determination that I pushed on through school. I knew that if I stopped I would give up; besides, my chemotherapy was at Vanderbilt. I really didn’t have a choice when I considered I had school loans which would come due. As it was, I wasn’t allowed to work as a nurse anywhere while on chemo and money was enough of a problem.
Remember the plans I had? Look on the bright side with the various wigs, weight loss and the improved body due to the tummy tuck!! Well, not exactly what happened. My weight shot up 40 pounds (the only thing that eased the pain in the chest was ice cream or cheese every two hours)—that plus the steroids with each chemo added to the weight gain. Besides, not a time to try to diet. My scalp was so tender that the wigs were miserable—a scarf was a little better; but, nothing was the least painful. So, I went bald most of the time and only wore the wigs when around my sons so they did not have to see the baldness. The tummy tuck? Well, now I had no waistline—just flat down the sides as well as the front. In fact, all of that brought me back full circle to that little girl in first grade.
Continue reading “How Can I See the Girl in The Mirror as Beautiful?”