Tag: love

Can I Truly Love Before I Know How to Be Loved?

I will love them freely (Hosea 14:4) Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore, with loving kindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3)

Where is the faith to sustain us when the bitter cold of winter strikes again deep into our valleys of life? We want so much to believe that because we obeyed God’s command that we deserve some great reward for our feeble act of valor! We so quickly lose sight of the truth that we are incapable of any act of faith had it not been for God’s great mercy and grace reaching down to enlighten our hearts to seek Him. At the end of so many heartbreaks, so many health struggles, so many surgeries, financial ruin, and so many trials; I kept waiting for my life to suddenly become restored like Job’s was. Hadn’t I been faithful to follow after God through many devastating trials? I had obeyed when He commanded I stay with Pete. I had obeyed when He bid me to go to Florida. I had obeyed when He asked me to leave Florida and return to Missouri. I knew that God had orchestrated it all; so now, I awaited His next command which I was certain would suddenly flourish me in all.

Yea, I have loved thee

When I pulled into Columbia with my big U-Haul truck and my car hitched onto the trailer behind, I rejoiced. God had been faithful to get me safely here through some areas of snow and ice. Alberto and several friends came to unload my truck and place all the boxes inside the new home Alberto had bought for me. That, in itself had been a humbling experience. Certainly I would be paying the mortgage; but along with the move, I had lost my home. I had markedly downsized my possessions. There was some sadness in the loss. Yet, they were only material possessions and mattered little in the scheme of eternity. It wasn’t the first time I had laid aside my home and possessions; yet, a part of me hoped it was the last. As a parent, I wanted to be the one who always gave to my children. This time, I was receiving. Emotionally that was very hard for me. Maybe, just maybe; that was what God knew about me. It was even hard for me to receive His gifts, His love, and His joy. A part of me needed to feel that I was the one giving to God—through sacrifice, through sorrow and through whatever feeble act of obedience.

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What Does Mustard Seed Faith Have to Do with Love?

 

Jesus said unto them… verily I say unto you, if ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you. Matthew 17:20

I had packed my car full of everything I would need for the rehearsal dinner, along with my finest china and crystal to take to Alberto. As I left Florida for the two-day drive to Missouri, my heart was filled with excitement. I loved driving long trips because it was a time I could spend alone with God. I had audio books by John Piper and Jonathan Edwards to accompany me on the trip with lots of Christian music. Over several months I had felt a restlessness of spirit, I wasn’t certain as to its source. It was my prayer that God would reveal to me the reason for this restless dissatisfaction as we drove down the road together.

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The long hours at work while also providing for Mom were taking a toll on my health. Her mental illness with her constant depression had forced me to spend lots of money on private sitters; much more than I could afford. The house, like many people who purchased when I did; was upside down with its value now being 100,000.00 less than when I purchased it. Work, which had always been my solace; was changing. Those whom I trusted as my extended family had turned hostile toward me. All of my writing, my poetry, speaking, and my blog seemed to be futile; as I wondered did they matter. So, it was I looked forward to this time alone with God as we drove down the road.

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Lessons of Love From the Heart of a Child

It was at this time that the disciples came to Jesus with the question, “Who is really greatest in the kingdom of Heaven?” Jesus called a little child to his side and set him on his feet in the middle of them all. “Believe me,” he said, “unless you change your whole outlook and become like little children you will never enter the kingdom of Heaven. It is the man who can be as humble as this little child who is greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. Matthew 18:1-4 (PHILLIPS)

It was the heart of one very precious little boy that would teach me the next lesson in love.

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Aiden was born January 4, 2011. He had an infectious smile and energy of life. As he began to grow, there was this magical excitement and joy that he eluded whenever I would arrive. “Grammy, Grammy you’re here!!”, he would proclaim as he ran to give me a hug. There was a purity of love such as I had never known before. He had no expectations, no desires to change me. He loved me as I was and trusted me with all his heart. There was a sparkle of joy that filled his entire being just because I walked into the room.

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Whatever Life Brings

When God asked me to leave Springfield; there was a part of me that once more felt crushed.  Yet, I would trust Him to have a better plan.  Clearly, I could not trust my own heart.  Today’s poem takes us back to that long, lonely drive to Florida.  Driving a huge overloaded truck and pulling a trailer.  So many long trips alone had I driven over my lifetime.  So many battles with illness, I had felt alone.  I, who thought of myself as a fragile female who desired more than anything to have some one love and protect me from all of life’s trials; was always the one left to overcome so many obstacles alone in this world.  How often, as I walked this journey of life; did I stop to cry and wonder why!!

Ah, but you see: every step of the way; God has been there beside me. There is much more of my story to tell.  That was only a moment in time.

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Whatever Life Brings

By Effie Darlene Barba

 

I felt the tears falling like rain

I did not fully understand

All this sorrow, all of this pain

My broken heart by Your command

 

Lord I wanted to trust Your heart

When You commanded me to go

It was hard for me to depart

When all within me still said no

 

And yet, Dear God, I know Your love

That gave Your Precious Son for me

So, help me seek Your will above

All else, though I can’t clearly see

 

Oh, Lord; please come, give me your peace

And fill me with a faith, Your own

That all this moaning spirit cease

My joy I find in you alone

 

And crucify my own desire

When not conformed unto Your will

When in the midst of raging fire

Please make my heart be ever still

 

Help me to see Your loving Grace

That only knows what’s best for me

Help me to seek Your lovely face

And make my selfish thoughts to flee

 

I need You now to shine your light

So deep within this heart of mine

I cannot change by my own might

Transform my thoughts to Your design

 

And so whatever you command

I bow before Your throne today

I trust Your Grace to help me stand

Tomorrow’s Grace to show the way

 

I only want what You want God

So rip from me these lesser things

Alone, this road I’ll gladly trod

And follow You, whatever life brings

 

Photo Courtesy of  Sergey Zvyagin

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

What Is the Second Greatest Enemy to Love?

Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight. Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way. Psalm 119:35-37

As I have pointed out previously, anger is enemy number one of love. Our hearts are so quickly filled by anger so as to crush any hope of love. There is another enemy which can grow like a cancer within our hearts preventing any hope of feeling true love. That enemy is covetousness. Much like anger it begins with a thought or desire deep within our hearts and then grows until it destroys joy, love and hope. It is very subtle at the beginning. We may look at something and just for a moment desire that it was ours. We may see a couple in love and wish that was ours. We may see another who has a nicer home or car and wish it was ours. Someone may have a better position, better grades, greater success, better health, and the list goes on. Whatever it might be, a small seed of discontent starts within our heart which can grow rapidly creating doubt, fear, and depression; while at the same time choking out any signs of love within our feeble hearts. It is no wonder, “Do Not Covet” is one of the 10 commandments. (Exodus 20:17)

Faith

To covet is defined as to yearn to possess or have something. That can be anything!! Then when we don’t have it and we see someone else who does, we become jealous or envious. We wonder why “God loves them better. Why would they have that? Haven’t I been faithful?” If we look at the apostles, this too was evident within their hearts. They were always wanting to know who would be greater, sit closer to Jesus, or suffer less. Paul even spoke of his own struggles with coveting in Romans 7. So, how do we destroy the cancer of coveting; so, that we might know the joy of having hearts filled with love? Faith!! Faith is the key. Let me help you to understand this; as this is a lesson I too must often go back for a refresher course. A seed I often need to destroy before it takes root in my own heart.

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