Tag Archives: love

Are You Searching For Passionate, Compelling Love To The End?

November 25, 2015 Effie Barba

Are You Searching For Passionate, Compelling Love To The End?

“when Jesus knew that his hour was come that he should depart out of this world unto the Father, having loved his own which were in the world, he loved them unto the end” (John 13:1).

There was a heaviness and almost gloom that had laid upon my heart that week. All of the years of loving Pete had been a lesson in love my heart needed. It was throughout those years I had begun to understand at least a glimpse of God’s love toward me. To love someone so much that you are so vulnerable, and willing to endure selfless agony at times if only they were to find happiness. To love so dearly that you are willing to give up all other dreams, hopes and desires; if that would bring them joy. Yet, Pete at times was swallowed up by the darkness of bipolar depression. Although, I had watched that world in my own mother; I could not fully comprehend it. The chemicals in my own brain could not truly understand that world of mental illness. At times I was frustrated by it; yet, at other times like a mother would cradle her sick child, I longed to discover the cure. Perhaps if I could love just a little purer, I could sweep away the pain and darkness. That week, as I prayed; my prayer went like this. “Father, I have pleaded for years that you cure Pete. If the only way for him to be well and to find joy is to go home to you and for certain, he is your child—then I let go. If by any slim chance, he doesn’t know You, Lord—then give me the words and the strength to show him Your Love. Give me one more chance.” Two days later, he was gone to be with the Lord. That was July 23, 1994 that he died and still, today; I love Pedro Barba and I guess I always will unto the end—no matter what else my life brings.

Mine was such an imperfect love; as always is the case with human love. Yet, I tell you all this to help you FEEL GOD’S LOVE. Paul prayed earnestly for the church of Ephesus that they might be grounded in and strengthened by the love of Christ and that they “May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;¹⁹And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God” (Ephesians 3:18-19). That is my prayer for you.

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Really, What Is The Most Agonizing Heartbreak Of All?

November 6, 2015 Effie Barba

Really, What Is The Most Agonizing Heartbreak Of All?

It was early spring in Dallas with all the beauty of early flowers budding and a gentle soft breeze that caressed your face as you went outside. I was especially excited that day as I prepared for Pete’s return from Mexico. He had gone to visit his family as I had stayed behind to run the clinic. He had been gone for a month. Now, he was going to return. I had cooked his favorite foods. The house was spotless. With trembling hands of love, I carefully put on my makeup. I wanted so to sweep his heart away when he got off the plane. Meticulously dressed, I then got then turned to make certain Alberto and Ron were also dressed with their best—everything meticulously ironed and pressed as it should be. I loved my husband so much and wanted to bring joy into his life. Each son had made him a very special gift. Ron had drawn him a beautiful picture and Alberto had crafted a beautiful card. I placed their gifts carefully on the bed next to the meticulously wrapped gift box. Inside the box, I had placed a beautifully crafted sculpture of a tiger which I knew he would love. I was so excited with the gift I had found for him. One final look and everything in its place, I put the boys into the back seat of the truck.

We got to the airport with just enough time to park the truck and hurry in for the arrival of his plane. As he walked through the doors we were there and went straight to him. “What! Are you just getting here?” he snapped. Angrily, he walked on to the baggage claim. No hug for me nor his sons. We scampered behind him. I tightly held each boys hand as we hurried to keep up. Silence remained as we had gotten the bags. My heart groaned with such a sigh—but no sounds could be made. Finally in the truck, I once more tried to ask, “How was your trip?” “Terrible and I don’t want to talk about it. You didn’t even care enough to be here an hour early to wait for me,” came his reply. It was a long trip in silence. When we got home, he went to his room—shut the door and never came out. I gave the boys their dinner. Then, I got them ready for bed. Once they were asleep, I went to the spare bedroom and cried myself to sleep. With so much anticipation, I had wanted to give Pete joy, love, and a glimpse of wonder. He never mentioned the gift nor the cards. A few weeks later it sat on his desk; but, never a response or a thank you.

Have you ever with great excitement and anticipation waited with the perfect gift of love for someone only for them to not recognize it? Have you ever poured out your heart to someone; only to be rejected? Jesus, so well knows your heartache as well. Let’s look at

John 11:35 and the verses surrounding “Jesus wept.” Most of my life, I had heard theologians say that Jesus wept because of His empathetic sorrow as He watched the mourners cry. That is until one day I heard Ken Davis present, “It’s Enough to Make a Grown Man Cry.” He pointed out the truth that Jesus was coming to raise Lazarus from the dead. He was coming to display God’s Glory, Power and might. He came to bring a joy that could not be taken away. He came to present hope. He came to be the key to salvation. He came with everything that Mary, Martha, the Apostles and the Crowd could ever need. Yet, they didn’t see it. Read the whole chapter carefully and I think you will see that truth. He did not weep because Lazarus was dead. He wept because no one could see that He came with everything they needed to abundantly live a life filled with joy, hope, courage, and love. Jesus wept because they could not see that He was enough.

HOW OFTEN HAVE I CAUSED JESUS TO WEEP?

My heart shattered into a thousand pieces that day when Pete did not realize that I had done it all with love and that I only wanted to bring joy into his life. That was not the first time, my heart was shattered and certainly wasn’t the last. Human love will shatter your heart often because of all its flaws. Yet, I wonder how many times I have caused Jesus to weep because I didn’t realize He is enough. He has stood with open arms and a perfect unconditional love. In Christ, I have everything I need for a life full of joy, hope, faith, strength, love, victory and beauty. He has showered me with His righteousness, His love, His joy, and His glory. Yet, how often have I cried to Him or grumbled; thinking He wasn’t enough. How often have I caused Him to weep.

WILL YOU ACCEPT THIS ROSE

I pray that I learn to sing, “You’re My Everything.” What about you? Jesus is standing with His loving arms wide open with everything your heart needs to know joy. He wore the thorns upon His brow that He might offer you a thorn less rose. Will you accept this rose from He who loves you perfectly more than anyone else could ever love you?

Original Photo used with permission of Unsplash, quote is mine

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

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What Is The Abundant Life? Can I Have It, Please?

October 28, 2015 Effie Barba

What Is The Abundant Life? Can I Have It, Please?

As I stared into the mirror, there was that rounded moon shaped face. The “buffalo hump” between my shoulders was beginning to go down; but, no away. Lingering effects from the long year of steroids to just barely stay alive; until, they finally had removed the colon. The surgical scars crisscrossed my body distorting whatever shape had previously been mine. Yet, those scars were few compared to the emotional scars that were within my heart. I had grown tired and weary of this journey. All alone, I stared into the darkness. I had been a dutiful little Christian and bore all the trials as they came with a stoicism and steady face. A stoicism I had learned during the years of abuse—a stoicism that you kept it all deep within. Don’t let anyone from out there see the real you; they will only hurt you. Oh, yes; God was my refuge. The only one I could turn to and I would continue to trust Him. Yet, abundant life? What was that?

I was alive. I had won the horrific battle against breast cancer (at least the first rounds). I had survived the steroids and meds of ulcerative colitis and the surgery to remove my colon. Financially I was in a hole so deep, I might never come out of it. Did I mention, I was also recently divorced? Perhaps trying to avoid saying, “I failed again!!” Yes, fool that I was I had remarried after having been a widow for two years; but, that ended in only heartbreak. Still, I was alive. My daughter was happily married and living in California. My sons were both off to study, Alberto at the University of Missouri and Ron in New Jersey at Joe Kubert’s School of Art. Could I say my life was abundant? Abundant with what—pain, sorrow, suffering, failure, loneliness? So, when in 2002, they found the mass on the head of the pancreas; a part of me thought this was God finally taking me home. I was tired. The journey had seemed so long. I wanted to go home to God. Little did I know that God had a very different plan!! His plan was to show me how to live life abundantly full of joy in Him. So, what is the abundant Christian life?

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HOW TO ACTUALLY LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART WIDE OPEN

October 14, 2015 Effie Barba

HOW TO ACTUALLY LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART WIDE OPEN

In every relationship of our life, one of the key elements is learning to listen with a heart wide open. This is true whether it is a mother listening to her child, a spouse listening to their spouse, a child to their parent, friends, or even coworkers. We were created with a need for sharing, for love, and the need to belong. Yet, sometimes our own needs are the very block that stands in the way of our relationships. We come into every relationship with baggage, scars, fears, and pains which alter our perceptions. Unfortunately this effects even how we hear others. Sometimes we put up walls and barriers to hold everyone else at a safe distance because we just don’t want to feel pain anymore. “If I let you too close, then I will need to feel your heartaches along with mine. That may be more than I can handle. Or you may just break my heart as well.”

At other times the barrier to listening comes from a need to feel important or an overwhelming sense of pride. Usually that is not a healthy self-confidence; but, rather a need to be proven. Both barriers stand in the way also in our relationship to God at times. There are times that we cannot hear His words of hope, joy and love; because, we are either focused on our pain or on proving ourselves to Him. We are afraid sometimes that if we listen with our hearts wide open He may ask us to let go of something or someone we love. Silly perhaps; but, we come to most relationships (even with our heavenly Father) with a lot to say and less desire to listen.

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What Happens When The Light Of The World Shows Mercy?

October 12, 2015 Effie Barba

What Happens When The Light Of The World Shows Mercy?

The feast of the tabernacles had ended and the Pharisees were frustrated that they had not found a way to “condemn” Jesus. Nicodemus had even suggested they had no cause; but, they found the words of Jesus offensive. How dare He suggest they did not understand the scripture! His words cut deep into their pride. They had spent a lifetime studying the scripture and working very hard to live an exemplary life. Surely, God would recognize all their goodness and their reward would be great. Still, this man from “Galilee” cut at their pride with His words. How dare He do that! They had gone away to their own homes while Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. We know that was where He often retreated at night to pray. As Jesus returned to teach, the scribes and Pharisees came with a plan to entrap Him by presenting Him a case of “law.”

GUILTY, CAUGHT IN THE ACT

“³Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst, ⁴they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught^[b] in adultery, in the very act. ⁵Now Moses, in the law, commanded^[c] us that such should be stoned.^[d] But what do You say?”^[e](John 8 NKJV). Christ bent down and started to write on the ground. What was He writing? We are not told. Perhaps, He was writing the actual law. ““If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and woman shall be put to death” (Leviticus 20:10 TLB). In this case, where is the man? They had brought the woman; but clearly, something was wrong with this picture. Being “caught in the act” meant they knew the man as well; yet, only brought the woman. Why? We are not told. Had one of these men entrapped her himself? Was she guilty? Most likely, as we see from the conversation Jesus has with her later; but, for this moment she was about to meet light, truth and be given grace. Jesus knew their hearts and also knew the heart of this woman.