Tag: hope

How to Hold Onto Hope When Your Soul Aches

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

So, it was that on July 23, 1994 Pedro Barba Arroyo died. I cannot begin to describe the aching pain deep within my soul. Nor can I begin to describe the feelings of loneliness and raw vulnerability that I felt. Regardless of how I felt, there was no time to stop and mourn. Life must go on. I had to go on. I wish I could tell you that knowing Christ and knowing all of God’s promises made that deep pain go away; but, it didn’t. Looking back, I know that God was sustaining me every step of the way; but, the pain was real.

When Your Soul Aches

Tough decisions had to be made and had to be made quickly. The frontlines of the daily newspapers had written horrid lies. Sensationalism was more important than truth. Finally they printed a retraction in small print near the back of the paper; but, no one saw that. There was so much to be done. Pete had a will leaving property that he owned in Mexico to the boys. That had to be secured which proved a lengthy endeavor. There was the question of all the equipment, furniture and things we owned.

Continue reading “How to Hold Onto Hope When Your Soul Aches”

Poetry Sunday—I Did But Pray

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When loved ones, friends, or even those we meet along this journey are surrounded by darkness; all too often we want to rush in and talk, talk, talk.  As though our words might bring comfort.  Then, we wish to rush away when that doesn’t work; proclaiming defeat.  It is hard to stay; lovingly sitting quietly, forgiving the wrongs, holding tight to hope when everything seems to keep crashing downward.  Perhaps, it would be impossible to stay and quietly persevere.  Yet, there are those times when that is what we are bid to do.  Our only hope to do that is found in the strength, love, and grace of Christ indwelling us.  When we remember God’s grace and mercy toward us; then, we can be love, grace and mercy to others around us.  Had I drowned Pete with words, he might never have seen God’s Grace.  Instead, He saw God’s Grace ultimately through God’s Grace and Love within me providing me the strength to stand, take Pete’s hand, and quietly pray.  At the same moment, God was showing me the depth of His love for me as well.  If I had never known sorrow; could I have ever known God’s comfort?  Could I ever display God’s comforting Grace to another person in their darkness; had I not known the power of God’s Grace reaching to me?

God's ComfortI Did But Pray

In your darkness filled with fear

I walked beside and drew you near

There were no words that I could say

So Quietly I did but pray

 

What more could I have said or done

Than point you to God’s own dear son

By showing you the grace of God

As on this road we both did trod

 

My words would mean so little now

Unless I were to live somehow

Displaying Grace by what I do

Forgetting self to think of you

 

No distance then would be too far

Willing to go where e’er you are

To walk beside to take your hand

To bring you hope, to firmly stand

 

That when the world a dark abyss

Upon your brow my gentle kiss

Awakening to see God’s light

A hope within could rise and fight

 

Against the tides that pull you down

The anguish that would bid you drown

Please take my hand and come with me

Oh how I wish your heart could see

 

The love of God, His Grace to you

That as His face comes into view

Amidst the sorrows in your heart

God’s comfort bidding them depart

 

His love can wrap you in His arms

Protecting you from evil’s harms

Oh, how I wish that you could see

My strength, my love is Christ in me

 

So,

In your darkness filled with fear

I walked beside and drew you near

There were no words that I could say

So Quietly I did but pray

Is there someone you know who is drowning in despair?  The weight of life’s trials are wearing them down?  Or are you weighted down with sorrow and pain?  Oh, my dear friends, remember this.  God in His Sovereignty allows those sorrows that come into our life. [bctt tweet=”Into a broken world God reaches in with a steady hand of Grace bringing purpose out of our pain”]  1.  Either He is drawing you closer to Himself in the midst of the trial  2.  Or He is preparing you to share in His Glory by allowing you to be the testimony that leads another to Christ.  Usually, He is doing both.

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/joshuaearle  The poetry is mine.

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

What Is Your Strength, Hope And Love Anchored To?

 

I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised (Psalm 18:1-3)

Once more we packed all that we had and left for Mexico. We could not sell the house nor the practice, though I had tried. We had to just walk away. Yet, Pete was filled with hope. He had trained in what at that time was very new—laparoscopic surgery. I made a huge effort to collect from the insurances the money owed us from the practice. From the accounts receivables we were able to secure enough to buy the equipment he would need to start a new practice in Pachuca, Hgo. Mexico. We would just start over, that was all. In Mexico, there were no opiates available and that would help Pete to stay free from the temptation to return to them.

anchored

But as is usually the case, life does not come with ease. Remember, Pete had gone through the treatment program for the addiction; but, the underlying mental illness had been left untreated. It was only a matter of time until once more, Pete was battling the thoughts within his own head. I do not pretend to understand fully what he or mom experience; but, both describe a “pain” inside their head. Not a headache—an emotional pain so great that is unbearable. And so the cycles continued of ecstatic highs followed by devastating depression. I was powerless to

Continue reading “What Is Your Strength, Hope And Love Anchored To?”

How Can Love Endure with Peace, Hope, and Joy?

 

4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail] I Corinthians 13 (AMP).

We often feel that once God has spoken within our hearts and we answer that call; that all the pains and sorrows will fade immediately away. We want the miracle to be instantaneous. In this I was no different. I wanted Pete to find Christ, be healed and live happily ever after. Soon I was about to learn that “loves endures with patience and serenity.” Endure!! The very definition is to suffer pain with patience. To add to it!! This verse is saying to endure with patience and serenity. It is like saying, “Love will patiently suffer with patience and peace”  Patience was not the lesson I wanted to learn.

The blessings that surround us

There would be those sweet and wondrous moments. Happy and joy filled moments. Pete could be the kindest person in the world. He did love the children very much. After all they had not come with instructions on “how to love.” The only instructions on being a father that Pete really had were those handed down from his parents. Though, he tried very hard to balance the strictness with hugs and days spent watching movies with the boys curled up in his bed.

Continue reading “How Can Love Endure with Peace, Hope, and Joy?”

Can Love Really Endure All Things, Clinging To Hope?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

What happens when you become the person you swore never to become!! For Pete that day came too quickly. Our marriage had its ups and downs from the beginning. The little girl who hated conflict trying always to please. The little boy always afraid of becoming vulnerable if he showed love. Both of us filled with our own fears, dreams, and baggage.

Pete dreamed big. Would invest all his hopes in a new job, new adventure. He would pour all of his heart into that. Always there would arise some conflict, some difficulty and then he would fall into near despair. Out of the perceived ashes of that job, he would determine that we would move. Life would be better just around the corner. We began a journey of moving about every 6 to 8 months. A bit unusual for a doctor in that time period.

pete and i 001
Ready to leave for Mexico–March 1980.

One of those moves came right after Alberto was born. This time we were moving to Mexico. We had packed up our trucks and traveled from Florida to the Brownsville border. Pete’s father had come to meet us there. Pete needed his help to make the final arrangements to get our stuff moved to Pachuca. That afternoon, Pete slapped me. Stunned, I stepped back and withdrew into silent despair. He looked with horror. Then he burst into tears; swearing he would never do that again.

Continue reading “Can Love Really Endure All Things, Clinging To Hope?”