Tag: future Grace

Can I Ever Really Repay God for His Grace?

Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 NKJV

By the spring of 2003, a restlessness grew deep within. I knew God was drawing me; but where and why?  Having just returned from a Nurse practitioner conference, I was throwing away the pamphlets and brochures when one fell open. There I saw an advertisement for a job with Florida Cardiology in Orlando, Florida. It had been Orlando where my daughter was born. It was Orlando where I had met Pete. So, I applied and was offered the job. While considering what to do, I received a call with a job offer in Oklahoma as well that I had not even applied for. The doctor who hired me in Springfield had left and was head of a program there. He was a man I highly respected; yet, after much prayerful consideration, I felt compelled to go to Orlando. Why would I leave Springfield? Was I running to something new or away from something?

Dear God

During the time in Springfield I had begun to recover from the debt of “survival” credit cards used while battling cancer and ulcerative colitis. I had slowly recovered from the havoc that the steroids had wrought on my body. I had been found to have a mass on the pancreas which after many biopsies was idiopathic chronic pancreatitis. Also, in Springfield, I thought I had found Prince Charming; only, he really wasn’t. Infatuation? Fantasy? Or real love? How does a romantic heart know the truth? Somehow, I had always confused my compassionate empathy for a hurting soul with love. Every bleeding, wounded soul I met presented a possible love.

 

SO, NEXT LESSON IN LOVE:

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3 Truths About the Wondrous Grace of Jesus

Throughout the gospel of John, he has made it very clear that his choice of events and his great detail in recording these events were to present Christ’s beauty and grace in such a manner as to draw you to Jesus Christ. The writers of the gospels had each been endowed by the Holy Spirit with a special gift to write down these memories incorporating a part of each writer’s personality and at the same time presenting God’s word to us. God loves to use our uniqueness in a manner to display the wonderful diversity of His beauty. So, it is not surprising that John’s final recorded event was when Jesus came to Peter with such grace and love. Ever so gently, Jesus came to commission Peter to lead the church. So, let’s lay the groundwork to this chapter.

galileanboat

photo courtesy of Jim Peregoy.  I added the captions.

Privately, in the upper room at the last supper, Peter had sworn his allegiance to Jesus. He swore that he would die before he would allow Jesus to be taken. Jesus told him that before the cock crowed three times, he would have denied Jesus 3 times. Peter thought that this could never happen; yet, just as Jesus had predicted—Peter did deny Jesus three times while in the courtyard. (If you want to read more detail about that go to “What to Do If I Fail with All My Heart?”) After Jesus’ resurrection, Jesus had already appeared two times to the apostles. In neither of those appearances did Jesus mention the betrayal. No, doubt Peter’s heart was rejoicing in the truth of the resurrection. Yet, deep within lay the sorrow of his own betrayal of Jesus. There was that wound that cut deep into his own heart. That pain when you know you have caused pain to someone you love. Worse, that pain which you feel when the Holy Spirit convicts you and you suddenly realized that you have betrayed Jesus (the love of your life). I have too often been right there where Peter stood—filled with the joy of Grace while at the same time fearing that I failed God. [bctt tweet=”Truth is God knew–just as He did with Peter–every time I would fall down & He still chose me”]

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What to Do When I Fail With All My Heart?

What to Do When I Fail With All My Heart?

Often I have heard sermons on Peter’s denial.  I have listened intently as pastors explained the different analogies concerning why Peter failed this test. I have heard it explained that Peter failed because  he followed Jesus at a distance or that he became too concerned for his own life. Others commentaries say that he stood with the wrong crowd as he warmed himself by the fire. We wish we could find a reason for his failure. Then we would find the formula that prevents us from stumbling as well. My heart so longs to love God better!! I want to be a testimony for Him. I want to always present Him well.  I wish I could find the truth as to why despite my desire to please Him, to love Him and to follow Him; sometimes, I make a mess of it all. When that happens, then, like Peter—all I can do is to fall before God’s throne of Grace to weep a little while.

broken/contrite heart by Ronald Barba

 

Peter truly loved the Master. He had left everything to follow Him. At times, Peter was a bit tempestuous like the sea he had fished in. Yet, his heart longed to please the Master. This had been a long night as Jesus told them that He must go away so that the Comforter would come. Jesus tried to prepare them; but, Peter didn’t really want to hear this. He didn’t know how He would survive without Jesus being present to guide Him. Was it fear that caused Peter to deny Jesus? I don’t think so. Peter had pulled out his sword in front of a cohort of soldiers; but, Jesus told him to put it away. Peter had followed while others had scattered. He didn’t know what the plan was next. He needed Jesus to tell him the plan. “Where do I go now? What do I do now? If I am not to fight for you, then what?” Haven’t you been there? I have. In those moments of waiting when you feel so lost and alone, uncertain as to what the next step is. Those moments when you are praying with all your heart and soul not to fail God; then, you find yourself flat on your face in the mud anyway.

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Can Fear Engender Faith?

When I walked into the assisted living where mom is now staying, it was about 5 pm. She wasn’t at the dinner table where she normally would be at that time of day. They didn’t serve the food until about 5:30; but she always got there early to “make certain they didn’t forget her.” This time, I found her in her room with the lights off. She was lying in bed and kept saying, “I am just sick because I am so afraid I am going to run out of diapers. I couldn’t even sleep last night.” I went over to her closet to find she had over 50 pull ups there. She was in a complete panic. I could see the fear in her eyes. I tried to comfort her with the reality that she had more than enough to last at least two weeks and that I would bring them later in the week. No decrease in her panic. I reminded her that never over the 13 years that she lived with me did she run out of anything that she needed; because I had always provided. Still, no decrease in her panic. Again, I reminded her that I came regularly with additional things at least 2 times per week. She had a pantry of food in her room that I kept stocked, “just in case they forget her or are late.” Finally, I promised to return the next day with a fresh new supply of 72 more and then she was content.

faith to trust

DOES GOD WEEP WHEN I AM DOUBT HIS GOODNESS?

For me there was the blend of frustration and sadness, that after all I have done to try to ease her anxieties, she was still afraid over what for me are trivial things. Then I realized that for an all-powerful God who has provided for me every step of the way, how often I have sounded just like Mom sounded. Throughout the scripture, God has written; “do not fear for I am with you.” Yet, how often have I in my lifetime felt fear; even panic while awaiting His answer to something I am certain would now seem trivial. How often in my lifetime have I caused God sadness because I didn’t see that He was enough? Jesus wept when the crowd did not recognize that He had come with the gift of life to raise Lazarus from the dead. He had come to demonstrate His Glory that they might have joy in Him; yet, no one saw that(John 11). Have I caused Him to weep when I have failed to trust Him? He is all I need. He is working out the best for me. He has promised to be faithful and to complete the work He began in my life.

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