Can Your Greatest Agony Actually Turn To Joy? How?

Can Your Greatest Agony Actually Turn To Joy? How?

The blast of the gun!! The horror in the middle of the night!! Trembling as I emerged from the bedroom to see my husband gasping for air. Blood poured from his mouth. The gun still in his now limp hand. I gently tipped back the recliner to open his airway; but the bullet had gone through his head. I called the ambulance. A cousin who had been visiting and witness, stood paralyzed. My oldest son screaming from the back bedroom—he couldn’t breathe. I opened the windows then went back to making phone calls for help. It was in Mexico, so there was no 911, the ambulance was very slow. Agony, rage filled my heart. I had watched my husband battle inside the monster of mental illness. Too proud as a physician to get real help, he had tried to go it alone. Mental illness had won. Or had it? All the struggles we had faced as a family; always hoping, always dreaming that he would be well one day. How I had believed that with enough love, he could be made well?

God's light

The agony and despair was more than I could bare; yet, as the day moved on there came a whispering sound—deep beneath, barely audible nearly drowned out by agony’s roar. A whisper of God—assuring me that my husband was now at peace—that he had found Christ a few months before. He was with God. He was healed. In the depth of agony, deeply hidden in the recesses was this promise. Oh, don’t get me wrong–suicide is NOT the answer for anyone–God’s desire is that we find hope here in Him; but neither is it the unpardonable sin.  The scars of all those years, the years in the midst of the illness—the scars of that pain filled night remain with me and my children. They blare like sirens reminding us that this world is broken. The scars remind us of the darkness. Only when you know the darkness, can you see the true light shining into that darkness with hope, joy, and love.

Continue reading “Can Your Greatest Agony Actually Turn To Joy? How?”

HOW CAN SOMETHING SO TERRIBLY WRONG BE ACTUALLY GOOD?

HOW CAN SOMETHING SO TERRIBLY WRONG BE ACTUALLY GOOD?

We look around us at all the suffering, pain, and agony of this broken world. Wars, terrorism, and tragedies that occur many proclaiming to be in the name of God. Such tragedies have occurred throughout all the centuries since man’s heart first chose to worship the creation more than the creator. We see the natural disasters and ask God why? Then there are those agonizing sorrows much closer to our own hearts when we watch one of our children suffer. Even more agonizing is when we look back and realize that perhaps our own foolish choices may have been a part of their suffering now. Our very best efforts to protect, provide for, love and guide was not enough. Those memories we thought would elevate us become like ashes that fly away into the sky and all we have is shame or guilt. We look into heaven and wonder “how could a Sovereign God allow this?” Couldn’t He have enlightened me more, then? And what about mental illness, such as my mother’s bipolar disorder?  Is God somewhere to be found in the midst of their agony? Or what about physical illnesses such as the cancer I lived through.   Does God use all the failures, the illnesses, the broken pieces of our lives and our world to create something beautiful?  I know that He really does do just that; and because I know that, I can rest in His love, His peace, and His joy in the midst of every circumstance of this pilgrimage journey. I can trust Him, even when everything around me looks bleak and disastrous. Let me explain to you how I know and the steps which will help you to trust Him in the storms.

our greatest treasure

BOUND AND CARRIED AWAY

Jesus had declared “I AM the one you seek.” He had willingly surrendered to the cohort of men. In fact, He performed a miracle by restoring the ear of one. He could call a legion of angels and no man could hold Him. In fact, in plain day and plain sight, He had escaped their capture while standing before them teaching. Despite all of this, there in the darkness of the night, they chained Him and bound Him; as if their chains had any power over Him. Then they lead Him to the courts of the High Priest. We are reminded of Caiaphas words: “that it is expedient that one man die, rather than the whole nation perish” (John 18:14 and John 11:50). Something so tragically wrong, that perfect righteousness—the awaited Messiah would be sentenced to death in “the name of God” by the very ones He came to save.

Continue reading “HOW CAN SOMETHING SO TERRIBLY WRONG BE ACTUALLY GOOD?”

When Agonizing Prayers of the Heart Persist In Silence?

When Agonizing Prayers of the Heart Persist In Silence?

We have all been there at some point in our prayer life. The most agonizing prayers of our heart seem to be screams into the darkness with only silence as our response. We take a deep breath and say, “Well, it must not have been God’s will. I will trust Him.” Sadly, we lay down the prayer; afraid to pick it up again. Sorrow fills our heart and instead of trust doubt fills our minds. So what do we do then?

pcmas0013

© Phil McKay/Licensed from GoodSalt.com

[bctt tweet=”Are we to keep praying when our most agonizing prayers of the heart seem to persist in silence?”]

Let us look at some of the agonizing prayers of the Bible and see what God’s response has been.

Continue reading “When Agonizing Prayers of the Heart Persist In Silence?”