Effie Darlene Barba

 

My life-so filled with hopes and dreams

Lay shattered at Your feet

So many tears, so many pains

I’d laid before Thy seat

Can I look upon Your face of love

And question what You’ve done?

For You have been my only hope

My only morning sun

You’ve seen my heart when crushed with pain

Your hands have held it tight

When I have been so weak, so frail

You’ve shown Your strength, Your might

You’ve held me close within Your arms

When darkness filled my night

And when I could not see my way

Your eyes, they gave me sight

I lay my life within Your hands

That You may heal my soul

And keep my eyes upon You Lord

That I may reach Your goal

Shine forth Thy grace, Thy mercy Lord

And let me be Thy light

That all may see Your eyes of love

The blind, they might have sight

Let not the sorrows, nor the pains

Bring bitterness within

And give me strength to walk this path

Protect my heart from sin

I lay my heart, my soul, my dreams

Before Thy throne of love

I lift my eyes to You, My God

And seek Your will above

Thou art the only one I need

To fill my heart with glee

It is Your face, my one true love

Tis all I need to see

So lift me up and hold me close

Reveal Thy love divine

That through the holes within my heart

A world might see You shine

And if the sorrows of my past

Can touch a wayward one

I thank you Lord for each dark path

That lead them to Your son

I praise You now from mountains high

For each dark path I’ve trod

Twas there I found Your heart, Your love

Twas there I found You God

What great and wondrous joy I know

Because You are my king

And though the path I cannot see

My heart will trust and sin

A song of praise unto You Lord

Who knows what’s best for me

You’ll hold my hand and lead me on

In darkness, I can see

Your love, Your help, Your guiding hand

Is all I’ll ever need

So hold me close unto Your path

For this is all I plead

I’ll skip with joy along this path

Though darkness may surround

Because I know You hold my hand

My feet will e’er touch ground

I cannot fall outside Your love

I cannot lose my way

I’ll hold my broken dreams once more

And see them real, one day

A song of praise unto You Lord

Who knows what’s best for me

You’ll hold my hand and lead me on

In darkness, I can see

Your love, Your help, Your guiding hand

Is all I’ll ever need

So hold me close unto Your path

For this is all I plead

I Sometimes in the midst of our busy worlds we forget how God is truly  in control of every minute detail of our lives.  Yesterday, He decided to manifest that fact to me.   I only hope that in telling the story I do Him justice and I do not rush too far ahead of Him and thereby fail to show the magnificence of His Glory shining through.

For those who do not know me, let me set the stage.  I am a Nurse Practitioner in Cardiology.  I was widowed  in 1994 with two of my children barely entering their teen years.  God was so graciously walking me through so many trials and suffering (which at a later date I will give more detail) to prepare me for the ministry He had for me—perhaps everything was for one young man—yesterday, or perhaps for you who may read this.  Well on with the setting of the stage.  As I am a sole supporter of myself and my mother, I work lots of hours and sometimes work the night by staying at the hospital awaiting the cardiac emergencies whenever one of the doctors from my group are on.  According to the original schedule, last night was suppose to be such a night.  My mother, unfortunately is lost in a bipolar world which has become more complex with the advancing age; therefore, I have sitters with her whenever I go to work.  For that same reason, I never go out except when I am working because of the expense.  Ok, now with all that information to set the stage; now I will begin the story.

Yesterday, I as usual was at the last minute running late to leave and suddenly realized I could not find my red folder in which I carry all my work documents and more importantly the list of dictations I had done for another doctor (my only proof of a bill for over 400 dollars which I would have lost by my carelessness).  My last day of work had been Sunday and now it was Tuesday and the chances of finding this folder looked bleak.  I was despairing in my own ineptness to hold on to something so important; what kind of faltering failure—how could I expect God to fix so many things I had fumbled—still in small voice, I pleaded that He might  once more help me out here.  I realized that He knew exactly where it was.  Scurrying off I went back to the hospital I had last worked  ( not the one I was to work)   There it was sitting behind the computer, untouched by anyone else.  With a deep sigh, I said “Thank you, Lord”.    I still did not realize all the significance here.  Upstairs in that hospital was a frightened, lonely 22 year old gentleman who had recently undergone bypass surgery.  As I headed to the hospital, I had no knowledge of his being there.  I had taken care of Him three weeks prior and had in fact been the one who ordered the test that discovered  his having a major artery which anomalously traversed in dangerous course causing it to block off with activity. I at the time had not even known why I chose that test except down deep inside I had the feeling that if he has the usual stress test he would collapse and possibly die (ok I do know why, that is God’s guiding hand on my practice—but I could not explain my reasoning to anyone else).  He subsequently underwent bypass—pretty frightening for a 22 year old.  He had then been discharged to home but had come back because of the pain.  After all, young healthy nerve endings along the sternum would hurt.   Back to the story, after retrieving my red folder, I tarried a little while and while talking to the nurse practitioner there I realized this young man was back and was in peril of becoming lured in by the pain to become narcotic dependent.  As healthcare providers, it traditionally is easier to give pain medication than to teach people how to build their own endorphins.  Then, for those who become narcotic dependent, we be come frustrated with them.   The very nature of the narcotics drive the body to need more and more of the drug to ease the pain and even after time the very lack of the drug (with no physiological need)  this very lack of the drug causes more pain than what the initial pain would have been.  I had seen people take their life as a result of just such a narcotic dependence—falling into deep tunnels of despair before committing suicide.  I have had many major surgeries and live with auto-immune chronic pancreatitis—traditionally a disease which leads to addiction—yet, I take nothing beyond a rare Tylenol.    All this to say, who else better prepared for the job at hand.  Did God orchestrate all my years of pain and trials so that I might be in the right spot at the right moment to tell this young man how God has a plan of how to ease his pain with minimal narcotics and without the peril of a life of dependence.  For whatever it is worth, I went upstairs and spent 2 1/2 hours telling this young man about those dear people who had been destroyed by drug dependence.  I then told him about the body’s own means of building endorphins to protect us from pain and how I had undergone such severe surgeries and pain without becoming narcotic dependent.  Then, most importantly, I shared with Him the wondrous and glorious story of God’s plan of grace.  I told him about God’s great exchange in which He takes our sin and exchanges them for His righteousness if we only see, savor and accept Christ as our savior.  I can never work my way to Him; yet, He gave me everything I needed to stand in His presence.  Christ took my sin and paid the price for me.  Beyond that, He has taken the responsibility of transforming me glory to glory, step by step into His likeness.  The only part I play is to focus on Him and even that He performs as He turns my life around so I must only look at Him.   I then left the room with the knowledge that God had sent me, He had prepared me uniquely to be there for this young man, He had caused my little brain to leave behind my folder, He caused me to realize it two days later and then to arrive at the hospital only hours before this young man was discharged.  Do you still doubt that He controls everything in the life of His children?  Every tear, every joy are ordained by Him.  

By the way, I then found out that the call schedule had been changed without my being informed.  Because of that, I now had a sitter with mom and realized I could go see “Avatar” which was a movie I wanted to see.  I know that there is not any reference to God in the movie; yet, I amazingly saw Him in the battle of good against evil.  As I saw the beauty of the Pandora that was digitally created; I wondered how magnificently beautiful heaven must be.  After all, God has shown that He can create more beauty than even the greatest minds could imagine.  What a wonderful day.  How amazing is my heavenly Father.                                     With love,    Effie Darlene Barba

¹⁷Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

¹⁸But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. II Corinthians

AT which point did this truth come forth with all its magnitude? It seems that this truth was so newly found although it has been a part of my Christian journey these last 50 years. I wish to start this website to Glorify My Precious Savior and feel so inadequate to tell you of His great and wondrous love. Perhaps in the words of David Ring, I should just tell my story. It has been a story filled with great pain and great triumph in Christ. It includes my great failures and His great faithfulness. It has led me through great valleys where the night seemed too dark to ever find light; yet, in the midst of it all—He has provided His Hope. It reaches to the greatest depth of a broken heart restored to life by His Love. It is the gradual transformation of this undeserving –wicked heart into His likeness. This endeavor will take us through months so I hope you join with me as I try to tell this story and in the telling I hope that I may point you to an All SUFFICIENT SAVIOR who is so worthy of my praise that even if He never gave me anything; even if salvation were not His Gift; I would still fall at His feet in praise. Still this is the miracle of all times; He took my sin and offered me His righteousness instead. He saw me before ever the universe was formed and knew everything about me; every evil word that would be spoken, each rebellious moment; every tear that would fall, every moment of faithlessness, and chose to die for me that I might share in His glory one day. He reaches out to allow me to share in His inheritance and gives me the right to be a child of God . This He has done in spite of me. This gift of salvation has come from Him—there is nothing I could do if I worked each day that would be good enough to deserve even one second in His presence; yet, He has established me to spend an eternity with Him. I fall in humility before Him, so overwhelming in love with My Savior and Friend that I ask Him to please use me. Let me die to all these selfish desires and hopes that He might live through me. Bring whatever pain or suffering necessary to remove the chafe that I might come to know Him and savor Him more. If by my telling this, my story of transformation gradually in to His likeness (though far from complete) can help one soul or change the eternity of one; then this endeavor will be worth it all.