Effie Darlene Barba

God’s Blessing to Me, My Children Three

I asked the Lord so long ago

To bless my soul, I didn’t know

He’d take me down to depths so low

Before I saw which way to go

His gift He gave in bundles three

That brought me tears and brought me glee

Each pain they felt tore a part of me

So oft I fell on bended knee

Nearer now to setting sun

I see the truth of what He’s done

My daughter dear and my two sons

A gift of perfect love I’d won

Melissa, dear – a sweet sweet flower

Who serves with love – whatever hour

With grace and depth her love to shower

And to all near her strength empower

Alberto with bewitching smile

Bubbling joy he doth beguile

The world around to stay a while

To learn of Honor, Truth—his style

And Ron, my precious son doth stand

With justice, truth held in his hand

With mercy, love he doth command

A tower strong the winds withstand

So, as I looked upon these three

No greater gift could ever be

Such perfect love gave God to me

With thankful heart I shout with glee

He answered thus my soul’s plea

He blessed me with these wondrous three

His Glory to shine for me to see

Their lives reflecting Him to me.

Love Effie Darlene Barba

Ecclesiastes 3

¹To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

²A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

³A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

⁴A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

⁵A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

⁶A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

⁷A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

⁸A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

⁹What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?

¹⁰I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

¹¹He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

¹²I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.

Sometimes as I sit back and look at all the times I have failed God, I can wonder how He has loved me with such unending love.  I have grumbled at times, much like the children of Israel who could not see how wonderfully He had cared for them.  Or those moments in my pride when I thought that I was doing so much for Him that surely He would notice.  How often have I looked at  a loving Christian couple and cried because that was not what God chose for me?  Sometimes I become so judgmental that I fail to see how my actions or words might hurt someone else.  I know that many times these occur when I am so driven by fatigue or loneliness or a desperate desire to be more than I am that I might be loved.  It is in those moments that I feel to be such a phony.  How can I proclaim His truth to the world when I  fail so miserably at times.  Yet, He did choose me and He loved me with an undying love that so overwhelms me.  How has it been that I sometimes doubt His future grace toward me.  How could I?  He who gave His very son to die for me, would He not give me everything?  He coaxes me along the way, sometimes bringing sorrows just enough to rip away at that self sufficient, prideful spirit so that I may search ever harder after Him.  My strength can only be born out of my utter weakness-  for this fragile heart can only trust in His promise to complete in me that work which He began.  One day I will stand before Him, complete and whole with no more fatigue, illness, or lack faith left within me and He with all His Glory will say “Welcome home child, I  have been preparing your home and I have been preparing you to see it’s majesty”   I wish to say I am sorry to anyone of you whom I may have inadvertently hurt by words said  or actions taken out of ignorance.  Each day, I must take the time to lay my self at His cross, then put up His Joy, His Peace, His Hope and then go forth into the world.   Because He is Joy and Peace and Hope eternal.  I want His light to shine through me, so polish me Lord of every blemish that hides your reflection  or that dims your light. 

Fine Crystal reflects the light far greater than does  regular glass.  It has much greater "sparkle" by increasing specular reflection and the range of angles of total internal reflection.  Yet Crystal is formed by heating the glass to a molten stage and adding lead oxide.   This is very much what must do to each of us.  He has to burn away all the chafe and heat us to that melting point that He might fill us with His strength and His Character such that the internal reflection of the Holy Spirit might have specular reflection through our lives.  May I Lord become like crystal for you?  

Kathy Troccoli expressed this same desire in this beautiful song.  I first heard this song one day when I was seeking a answer from God and as it played, I said, Oh that was my song for that moment and time. 

 

 

Love,  Effie Darlene Barba

 

Matthew 11: 28

²⁸Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest

Psalm 69:

²I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me.

³I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.

⁴They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.

There are moments in our lives that we may stop and wonder where is that rest that God has promised.  It was such a day in December 15, 1987 when  I received the phone call from Mom that my brother Charles Allen Garner had died suddenly in a car accident.  It was a senseless accident.  There had been a huge storm which caused a huge tree to fall down across a dark and hidden country road.  The tree was in such a position among the small hills so that in the dark it could not be seen until too late.  The road crews had been out all day and they knew the tree was there but failed to put up any warnings and failed to clear the road.  Such it was in the dark of the evening, my brother coming along that road did not see the tree in time and despite his attempt to stop his truck drove into that tree.  There was a huge branch that broke through the windshield crushing across my brothers chest and into his throat pushing this 250 lb 6’3” giant of a man into the back of the truck crushing and hanging him to his death.  The news was devastating, it had been God’s grace that the week of Thanksgiving due to a botched up job by a contractor that my brother had come to spend a precious week with me.  It was that week which I drew to remember.  The time spent catching up and understanding each other once more.  A moment that I could tell him how proud I was of this teacher who had chosen a simple life so as to help the farm children to learn how to survive.  All misunderstandings were brought to light that week and now he was dead at the age of 33, hung by a tree so unsuspecting.  My life was one of sorrow for my husbands bipolar disease lead to moments of violent abuse; yet, God had asked me to remain.  That day as I told him I had to go to the funeral, my husband refused to let me take the children.  I was filled with fear to leave my children there as I made this journey; yet, I knew it was useless to continue to argue as he stood firm in his decision.  The entire way to the airport my husband told me what a useless person I was and that upon my return he wanted a divorce.  The grief of my brother’s death was drowned with the fear and the sorrow of the words shouting in my ears.  I wanted to grab my children and hold them to tell them that God would protect them; yet, I wasn’t given that chance.  I was filled with worry and pain and fear of what could be going through their little minds.  I begged God for answers as my heart was plummeting downward for the final count.  I needed strength because I could not burden my parents with the sorrows of my life at this moment of their grief.  In my weakness I wondered if it were not true that I was useless and perhaps even God saw me that way.  I was accustomed to feeling that way.  My mother was also an undiagnosed bipolar who taught the Bible through a legalistic form.  Since I seemed to always stumble no matter how hard I tried, I felt that all this pain and sorrow had to be my fault and somehow God was punishing me and could never love me despite having given me the gift of salvation.  On the plane I continued to pray, finally in the silence of only my thoughts.  That is when these words came to me in the form of a song.  They pressed in my mind and finally I wrote them down.  God was there with me and God gave me the strength to get through that week.  I saw my father’s sorrow and I held him tight.  When I returned home, my husband was in a gentler tone and did not repeat any of the words he had as I was leaving.  My children were safe and peace returned.

Let me share with you the words of that song.  Many years and sorrows would pass after this gift song and it wasn’t until about 4 or 5 years ago that God began to speak to me in the form of poetry to comfort me.  Yet, this was the first and I hope you enjoy it. 

When I First Came to Know Him
By
Effie Darlene Barba

When I first came to know him
So many years ago
I vowed that I would serve him
With heart and mind and soul
Then I found that in my strength
I would but only fail
Then He came and He told me
As we walked down life’s trail

Chorus:
I’ll be your strength when you are weary
And your hope when skies are gray
I’ll be your faith when yours is failing
And your light on each dark day
I’ll be the love your lonely heart
When it’s breaking in despair
I’ll be all in all your everything
If you look to me in prayer
 
I strove on in my strength
And strayed so very far
Until my life was broken
And sin had left it’s scar
Then I cried, Oh, my Father
How deeply I had failed
Then He came and He held me
And His love prevailed

2nd Chorus
Now He’s my  strength when I am weary
And my hope when skies are gray
He is my faith when mine is failing
And my light on each dark day
He is the love to my lonely heart
When it’s breaking  in despair
He is all in all my everything
When I look to him in prayer

Now if you have strayed from
Or never knew His love
Then turn your eyes toward Jesus
And seek Him from above
He will take all your brokeness
And fill it with Himself
He will take all your sin away
And fill each empty shelf.

3rd Chorus
He’ll be your  strength when you are weary
And your hope when skies are gray
He’ll  be your  faith when yours is failing
And your  light on each dark day
He’ll  be the love to your lonely  heart
When it’s breaking in despair
He’ll  be  all in all your everything
If you  look to Him  in prayer

Then let me leave you with a reminder of God’s promise which I have found to be true every step of my way.  He has revealed His great love for me and the true meaning of grace which  destroys the legalistic barriers to feeling His glory and joy in our lives. 

Isaiah 40:

²⁷Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

²⁸Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

²⁹He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

³⁰Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

³¹But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

As for Pete, my husband, God still had yet to reveal His magnificent Glory and Grace which He did before Pete’s death.  He was someone with a heart of gold trapped in the great turmoil of a bipolar mind and had suffered throughout his childhood abuse greater than I could imagine.  Yet, God wove His mighty work that this man would find Christ and now rests in his bosom.  To God be the Glory, Great things He hath done.  Let me leave you with a picture of my brother Charlie—“I love you, Charlie”   

With love,  Effie Darlene Barba

                         

Ephesians 1:

¹⁷That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give unto you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of him:

¹⁸The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

¹⁹And what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power,

²⁰Which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand in the heavenly places,

²¹Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come:

²²And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church,

²³Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all.

 

What has changed in my life from the last blog until now?  Not really much on the physical realm.  The world continues to twirl around me.  The difference is inside of me.  I am at complete peace with  God.  My hope is in Him.  Satan is constantly trying to destroy my life’s testimony.  Yet, the exceeding power of God toward me is such that I will win in this war against Satan; even  though I may on occasion lose a battle—God has equipped me with all I need.  God gave His only Son, that the war has been completed.  He will finish His work in me.  If we go back to Habakkuk and look one more time.   God reminded Habakkuk that He was in control and though it might seem strange that God would use the very evil Babylonians to fulfill His full purpose.  This evil nation came down to conquer the Israelites.  These evil people then took the best of their youth, including Daniel.  As noted in Daniel 1:  ⁶Now among these were of the children of Judah, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah:

⁷Unto whom the prince of the eunuchs gave names: for he gave unto Daniel the name of Belteshazzar; and to Hananiah, of Shadrach; and to Mishael, of Meshach; and to Azariah, of Abednego

A review of the Book of Daniel would reveal that God  was fully in control and that these young men repeatedly revealed God’s Glory by their steady faith.  Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were thrown into a fiery furnace where they did not burn and Christ stood there with them.  At that point the heathen King had to acknowlege that God was mighty and powerful.  Daniel 3:

²⁸Then Nebuchadnezzar spake, and said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who hath sent his angel, and delivered his servants that trusted in him, and have changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God.

²⁹Therefore I make a decree, That every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall be made a dunghill: because there is no other God that can deliver after this sort.

Note that  the king was ready to declare that the people allow these young men to worship their God.  He was not willing to worship God; but he did acknowledge His power.   As time went by even these events must have been forgotten as also the king had changed from Nebuchadnezzar  to Belshazzar .  Tthere came forth a decree that no one was to pray to anyone except the King himself.   Daniel continued to pray as always and therefore was thrown into the lion’s den.  Once more God’s Glory was demonstrated.  This time the king declared.  Daniel 6: ²⁶I make a decree, That in every dominion of my kingdom men tremble and fear before the God of Daniel: for he is the living God, and stedfast for ever, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed, and his dominion shall be even unto the end.

So it is very clear that God had and perfect plan that was to demonstrate His Glory and even touch a very evil nation.  Habakkuk 2:

¹³Behold, is it not of the LORD of hosts that the people shall labour in the very fire, and the people shall weary themselves for very vanity?

¹⁴For the earth shall be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD, as the waters cover the sea.

 

So, let  the eyes of our heart be opened that we might  see fully the hope of  His calling.  That we press forward filled with this hope forever reaching and pressing forward even when the storms  of this present world surround us.  God, almighty stands upon His throne and His plan is to bring Glory to Jesus Christ and thereby fulfill His Glory through me.  The full riches of His Glory inherited through this adoption as His child.  So why fear anything.  When the eyes of our hearts are opened and the cataracts of this worlds appeal removed, then we can begin to understand the very depth of His Mighty Power toward us.  As we appreciate the power of Satan and sin in our lives then we can come to realize the Awesome power of God that indwells us  as believers to allow us to win in this war.  So I must  surgically remove the cataracts of  desires for such vanities as this world would offer that I might continually seek His face and look fully into His Face of Glory with eyes that savor the beauty of all that He is.  When I do this I am filled with joy in the midst of sorrowful world, hope when disaster surrounds, and peace in the center of turmoil.  God is in Control. 

I had the wondrous opportunity to listen to an incredible sermon  by John Piper who God  has truly placed as my mentor on this earth, I hope to share this with you..  Just follow this link.   Love, Effie Darlene Barba

 

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/the-immeasurable-greatness-of-his-power-toward-us#/watch/full

Habakkuk 1 King James Version

¹The burden which Habakkuk the prophet did see.

²O LORD, how long shall I cry, and thou wilt not hear! even cry out unto thee of violence, and thou wilt not save!

³Why dost thou shew me iniquity, and cause me to behold grievance? for spoiling and violence are before me: and there are that raise up strife and contention.

⁴Therefore the law is slacked, and judgment doth never go forth: for the wicked doth compass about the righteous; therefore wrong judgment proceedeth.

 

In the New Living Translation

² How long, O Lord, must I call for help?
      But you do not listen!
   “Violence is everywhere!” I cry,
      but you do not come to save.
³ Must I forever see these evil deeds?
      Why must I watch all this misery?
   Wherever I look,
      I see destruction and violence.
   I am surrounded by people
      who love to argue and fight.
⁴ The law has become paralyzed,
      and there is no justice in the courts.
   The wicked far outnumber the righteous,
      so that justice has become perverted.

 

Per haps this week I have felt much like the prophet .  It seems that twirling around me is constant anger and despair.  I struggle to see and understand God’s plan.  I must stretch to remember that we are admonished to not grow weary in doing good.  Still, perhaps it is the fatigue from returning to work so soon after surgery (should have taken off a minimum of 6 to 8 weeks) or perhaps it is that I am surrounded by so many who say they appreciate all that I do for them while actions are completely lacking.  You see I am accustomed to my mother  not helping any, after all, at this point her arthritis and years of inactivity plus her bipolar disease does limit her ability to help.  Still, I pay someone to come in and help because she insists they help her mental health; however, more and more I pay with almost nothing being done to help the house.  Perhaps if God would bless me with winning the lottery or miraculously sell my books; then I wouldn’t worry about pouring out money.  Instead for some reason, God has allowed one of my more lucrative side  jobs to cease and my income will suddenly plummet by  very soon unless God steps in with a replacement .   Meanwhile, I thought God had prompted me to help my deceased friend’s daughter by letting her live here free while she goes to school.  She does work as well.  My request was in return for rent, clean house; but alas once more I come in from my three jobs to find nothing cleaned, nothing mopped and in fact my garbage can rotting from food and garbage that was not bagged before being thrown in which the lid was left off and rain half filled the can.   I cleaned out the trash and asked that she wash the can two weeks ago and to date it hasn’t even been washed.  Meanwhile, she says “ just let me know if I can help or bring something from the grocery;” yet, if I ask—she is either sleeping or upset.  Three times I asked for 1/2 gallon of milk and three times no milk was brought home and I had to go after it.   So I quit asking.  She complains about how horrible she has it because she cannot take food and water onto the new carpet in her  bedroom and mom complains about her  until my head is spinning between the text messages from one and the words from the other.   How am I helping any of these people either by getting frustrated or by keeping silent?  Can you teach people to appreciate anything or has this world reached the point that everyone is a taker and no one responds with a giving or gentle spirit.  Is everyone so caught up with themselves that they cannot see beyond their own face?   Still, I look at my own children and know that they are different and display Christ in their actions and attitudes.  Oh, how I miss being near them and a grain of sanity near me instead of this house of self centered people that I am supporting.    I know that it sounds like I am being very picky and very un Christ like despite all that I have said and all the wondrous poetry and books He has given me the opportunity to write.  So I will sit in this moment and ask Him to please reveal to me what He wants me to do.  It is moments like this, when turmoil surrounds my head, that  I know He has a new plan with perhaps a different direction in mind and I need to just sit still until He reveals it to me.   The song right or left at oak street keeps playing in my head and a part of me wants to just disappear.; but instead I know I must just sit still and wait for Him All I want is some time alone with my Savior for I have so learned that there is where peace and joy are.  Sometimes, because of all the wondrous things God has given me or provided for me; I don’t want to tell you about my fears, or my frustrations; but today for some reason I must.  Maybe, I need to let you know that it is ok not to always have the answer and it is ok not to always be strong because God has taken the weak and the foolish and He has used them for His Glory. 

Let’s get back to Habakkuk.   God’s answer to Habakkuk was that it was going to get worse; but to remember God is in Control and is on His Throne.  All of this pain and suffering is with a purpose that is to bring good.  All I must do is wait and like Habakkuk realize that  all of this little stuff  is so unimportant  in the big scheme of things and that He will strengthen me to do whatever work He has before me.  He will reveal that work to me when He is ready and the bridges are lead to move forward.  I must wait patiently and silently before Him.   Then I will truly pray like Habakkuk  3 New Living Translation

² I have heard all about you, Lord.
      I am filled with awe by your amazing works.
   In this time of our deep need,
      help us again as you did in years gone by.
   And in your anger,
      remember your mercy.

¹⁷ Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
      and there are no grapes on the vines;
   even though the olive crop fails,
      and the fields lie empty and barren;
   even though the flocks die in the fields,
      and the cattle barns are empty,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the Lord!
      I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!
¹⁹ The Sovereign Lord is my strength!
      He makes me as surefooted as a deer,
      able to tread upon the heights.

 

Funny, that this turmoil comes closely on the heals of completing the writing of “A Broken and Contrite Heart”.  I wish I could publish it tomorrow, but God will provide the way when He is ready.  I know this and I do trust Him even in the darkest of storms.  Last week He requested a special donation and I said “I do need to pay this bill”; but I sent Him as He asked and I know He’s got my back all the way as He has every other time in the past.  Let me share with you a song written by William Cowper.  William Cowper was plagued with intermittent bouts of deep depression and an opium addiction; yet, how God used him to abolish the slave trade in the English Parliament and to write such incredible hymns as the one that follows.  It is with great excitement I found the following YouTube production that touched my heart. and calmed my spirit as only God can do.   How beautifully the words were displayed with the music by  George Winston – Variations on the Kanon by Pachelbel

 

 

 

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.
…Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain

                                                                                                       Love,

                                                                                                 Effie Darlene Barba