How to Battle the Darkness of Mental Illness

March 9, 2016 Effie Barba 4 Comments

Into the darkest night, God is the answer that you seek. Whether it be the darkness of addiction, mental illness or both, God is the comforter that your heart seeks. If you are the one in the battle or if you love someone who is, remember this.

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The outer appearances may fool you

The medical practice that Pete and I built together was huge. Pete was a brilliant diagnostician and physician. My creativity and hard work had been the perfect compliment. Together we built the largest Hispanic Practice in all of Dallas. We had a beautiful house, nice cars, and to the outside world all was well. As for me, I could easily remain buried in the work. Caring for the house, the office, and my two wonderful sons. I kept my mind busy and content. I knew when to exit for a few days and when to return. Really, I had become filled with loving Pete, working hard to help him succeed, and waiting for God’s big miracle to come.

A Surprise Visit

Then came the moment when Pete’s brother, family and father all arrived for a surprise visit. I had stayed home that day to work on the billing for the office. With less than 30 minutes notice I scurried about the house trying to prepare for guests to arrive. They had surprised Pete at the office and were now all headed to the house. Trying to start dinner, transform my bedroom into a guest room, straighten the den/office from the papers I had scattered to work on; my mind was in a whirl. I knew Pete would want to impress. I had to have it all perfect.

In all the scurrying I forgot to move the kitty litter from my bathroom; a mistake I would regret. As I was slung to the ground, I curled into a fetal position to protect my head. A position I had learned to assume over the years. This time I felt the point of his shoe hit my spine. The pain wrenched through my body; but, not a word or sound could I utter. I couldn’t let the others hear. Somehow, when I emerged I managed to smile and to put on the show that all was well for our guests despite the pain.

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Christian Blog

How Can Love Endure with Peace, Hope, and Joy?

March 7, 2016 Effie Barba

4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail] I Corinthians 13 (AMP).

We often feel that once God has spoken within our hearts and we answer that call; that all the pains and sorrows will fade immediately away. We want the miracle to be instantaneous. In this I was no different. I wanted Pete to find Christ, be healed and live happily ever after. Soon I was about to learn that “loves endures with patience and serenity.” Endure!! The very definition is to suffer pain with patience. To add to it!! This verse is saying to endure with patience and serenity. It is like saying, “Love will patiently suffer with patience and peace” Patience was not the lesson I wanted to learn.

There would be those sweet and wondrous moments. Happy and joy filled moments. Pete could be the kindest person in the world. He did love the children very much. After all they had not come with instructions on “how to love.” The only instructions on being a father that Pete really had were those handed down from his parents. Though, he tried very hard to balance the strictness with hugs and days spent watching movies with the boys curled up in his bed.

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Christian Poetry

Poetry Sunday—A Broken Vessel’s Vow

March 6, 2016 Effie Barba

When two people take their marriage vows they enter a union which they hope, believe with last. As each begins to unpack the fears, traditions, pains, frailties and realities of who they are and what baggage they bring; there is the risk that all the brokenness can split the marriage. For within each of us is brokenness which we bring to the union. Too often we enter with expectations. Expectations that the other person will fill the empty recesses of our own hearts. As you know from the series I have been writing that was the case. Pete and I both had arrived with a lot of baggage. Then, a miracle happened. God reached down to touch my heart and fill me with a deeper love than I had known. For me to lay aside my brokenness to vow to stay and love no matter what because I saw the beauty of who Pete could be in Christ. Well that was God’s miracle of Grace!! God, alone could give me the strength and the love to do that. In the process, God alone was healing my brokenness as well. What a mighty and wondrous God He is!!!

¹⁸The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit (Psalm 34).

A Broken Vessel’s Vow

By Effie Darlene Barba

Two hearts had joined as one that day

And never saw the dark pathway

That lay ahead and lay behind

Two hearts that joined in hope to find

A strength in love to shine a light

Upon their lonely darkest night

Each had brought with them their fears

Their brokenness and all their tears

And as their story did unfold

Two broken hearts their sorrow told

It wasn’t what they’d hoped that day

Can broken hearts still find a way

A miracle is what they’d need

If ever they were to succeed

God’s gracious love must touch a heart

To help them stay, to not depart

Two broken hearts can beat as one

Because of Grace from God’s own son

The broken hearts are me and you

I ran to hide, to bid adieu

And then I saw your tear stained face

My heart was filled with love and grace

I saw the beauty of your heart

The tenderness you could impart

A brilliant mind so trapped within

I saw the man you could have been

If only you had known God’s love

His strength could help you rise above

And so I vow to love you dear

Today and through each passing year

My strength must come from God alone

As now I bow before His throne

I’ll lay aside all my desire

That God might flame my passion fire

To rise within to find the strength

That I might go the final length

To love you better stronger still

For this I know has been God’s will

I cannot pretend to know what obstacles you may be facing today; but, what I do know is God understands. I ask that you seek Him and His guidance. If He then leads your heart to love no matter what, then He will show you the way. His love filling the heart of one can transform both hearts—that is His miraculous Grace at work. I would love to hear from you or if you have a poem you would like to share, please use the comments below or email me.

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/pichler_sebastian

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Christian Blog

Can Love Really Endure All Things, Clinging To Hope?

March 4, 2016 Effie Barba

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

What happens when you become the person you swore never to become!! For Pete that day came too quickly. Our marriage had its ups and downs from the beginning. The little girl who hated conflict trying always to please. The little boy always afraid of becoming vulnerable if he showed love. Both of us filled with our own fears, dreams, and baggage.

Pete dreamed big. Would invest all his hopes in a new job, new adventure. He would pour all of his heart into that. Always there would arise some conflict, some difficulty and then he would fall into near despair. Out of the perceived ashes of that job, he would determine that we would move. Life would be better just around the corner. We began a journey of moving about every 6 to 8 months. A bit unusual for a doctor in that time period.

One of those moves came right after Alberto was born. This time we were moving to Mexico. We had packed up our trucks and traveled from Florida to the Brownsville border. Pete’s father had come to meet us there. Pete needed his help to make the final arrangements to get our stuff moved to Pachuca. That afternoon, Pete slapped me. Stunned, I stepped back and withdrew into silent despair. He looked with horror. Then he burst into tears; swearing he would never do that again.

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Christian Blog

How to Rewrite a Painful Past with Grace and Love

March 2, 2016 Effie Barba

Couples arrive each carrying their own set of luggage. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with beautiful memories, traditions, and beliefs that will strengthen the new couple. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with fears, pains, sorrows and traditions which only injure. Broken vessels often have shards of glass that can cut open wounds. A single word can set off a cascade of painful memories from the past; ripping open wounds that had never healed. Sometimes those memories can set off a chain of reactions filled with anger, fear, and hate.

Pete and I had arrived with all our baggage. Piece by piece over the course of years, we began unpacking our rags of brokenness. Were it not for God’s Grace and intervening hand of love; we could not have survived. Yet, God had a perfect plan of love for both of us. He was about to change the eternity of Pete; while, at the same time step by step, piece by piece transform my heart into one that could see God’s love, forgiveness, and joy clearly.

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