How to Hold Onto Hope When Your Soul Aches

March 18, 2016 Effie Barba

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13

So, it was that on July 23, 1994 Pedro Barba Arroyo died. I cannot begin to describe the aching pain deep within my soul. Nor can I begin to describe the feelings of loneliness and raw vulnerability that I felt. Regardless of how I felt, there was no time to stop and mourn. Life must go on. I had to go on. I wish I could tell you that knowing Christ and knowing all of God’s promises made that deep pain go away; but, it didn’t. Looking back, I know that God was sustaining me every step of the way; but, the pain was real.

Tough decisions had to be made and had to be made quickly. The frontlines of the daily newspapers had written horrid lies. Sensationalism was more important than truth. Finally they printed a retraction in small print near the back of the paper; but, no one saw that. There was so much to be done. Pete had a will leaving property that he owned in Mexico to the boys. That had to be secured which proved a lengthy endeavor. There was the question of all the equipment, furniture and things we owned.

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When Everything Is Lost, What Now? Can Love Win?

March 16, 2016 Effie Barba

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1-3

The Gunshot rang out in the middle of the night! My whole world crashed around me—suddenly. Rushing into the living room, slumped in a recliner was Pete gasping for air. Blood was dripping from his mouth. The gun in his lap with his right hand around it. The cousin who witnessed it pacing in horror. The sudden screams of panic coming from Alberto’s bedroom, “Mom, I can’t breathe.” Terror filled his voice.

Quickly, I pushed the back of the recliner into a reclined position and tipped back Pete’s head to open the airway so he could breathe. I ran to Alberto, opened the windows and assured him I was doing everything I could. Running back to the living room, the cousin still pacing was too panicked to help. I called Pete’s brothers. I needed an ambulance! I called a cousin who was a doctor. The ambulance came. No sirens. No fancy equipment; but, off to the hospital they went. By this time several family members had arrived. One cousin offered to take the children. I had to awaken Ron who had slept through it all and the children left to another home as I headed to the hospital. Pete was on a respirator. I awaited the neurologist; but, I knew. The CAT Scan confirmed that the exploding bullet had destroyed the entire left side of the brain. A priest came to give Pete his “last rights.” I wasn’t Catholic; but, I had requested this for the sake of the family. It was comforting for the priest to say, “Even though God does not condone suicide. God understands mental illness and this is NOT an unpardonable sin.”

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Christian Blog

Why Does True Love Demand A Humble, Forgiving Heart?

March 14, 2016 Effie Barba

Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love Ephesians 4:2 (PHILLIPS)

Having seen the glimpse of what God was doing in the heart of Pete should have given me all the hope I could ever need to patiently believe. It should have; but, how quickly our human hearts see a flickering light and want immediately to see the full beam of glorious light. Patience was always that lesson that I asked God if we could just skip and move on to something else. Yet, it was the one God truly wanted me to learn. After all, if I truly trust God; patience would be easy. After all, patience is merely the question of “How much do I really trust God’s goodness toward me?”

Humble love

So, it was that after Pete declared his discovery that the Bible was true; he did not again speak of God or salvation. He continued with his highs and lows. Actually, the moments of happiness were being engulfed by the days of deep depression. More and more Pete wanted to retreat into a world of sleep using drugs to stay there. There were those moments of anger and harshness that would come that made me welcome his retreat back into sleep. The violence would come as I tried to hide the drugs from him or to ration them to help him come clean again. I pleaded with his family to come and sit watch with him as he went through withdrawal; yet, one by one they would leave as soon as Pete became verbally abusive. Again, I would be left alone to try. So, I would try each new day to step by step bring him off.

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Christian Poetry

Poetry Sunday—I Did But Pray

March 13, 2016 Effie Barba

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

When loved ones, friends, or even those we meet along this journey are surrounded by darkness; all too often we want to rush in and talk, talk, talk. As though our words might bring comfort. Then, we wish to rush away when that doesn’t work; proclaiming defeat. It is hard to stay; lovingly sitting quietly, forgiving the wrongs, holding tight to hope when everything seems to keep crashing downward. Perhaps, it would be impossible to stay and quietly persevere. Yet, there are those times when that is what we are bid to do. Our only hope to do that is found in the strength, love, and grace of Christ indwelling us. When we remember God’s grace and mercy toward us; then, we can be love, grace and mercy to others around us. Had I drowned Pete with words, he might never have seen God’s Grace. Instead, He saw God’s Grace ultimately through God’s Grace and Love within me providing me the strength to stand, take Pete’s hand, and quietly pray. At the same moment, God was showing me the depth of His love for me as well. If I had never known sorrow; could I have ever known God’s comfort? Could I ever display God’s comforting Grace to another person in their darkness; had I not known the power of God’s Grace reaching to me?

God's Comfort I Did But Pray

In your darkness filled with fear

I walked beside and drew you near

There were no words that I could say

So Quietly I did but pray

What more could I have said or done

Than point you to God’s own dear son

By showing you the grace of God

As on this road we both did trod

My words would mean so little now

Unless I were to live somehow

Displaying Grace by what I do

Forgetting self to think of you

No distance then would be too far

Willing to go where e’er you are

To walk beside to take your hand

To bring you hope, to firmly stand

That when the world a dark abyss

Upon your brow my gentle kiss

Awakening to see God’s light

A hope within could rise and fight

Against the tides that pull you down

The anguish that would bid you drown

Please take my hand and come with me

Oh how I wish your heart could see

The love of God, His Grace to you

That as His face comes into view

Amidst the sorrows in your heart

God’s comfort bidding them depart

His love can wrap you in His arms

Protecting you from evil’s harms

Oh, how I wish that you could see

My strength, my love is Christ in me

So,

In your darkness filled with fear

I walked beside and drew you near

There were no words that I could say

So Quietly I did but pray

Is there someone you know who is drowning in despair? The weight of life’s trials are wearing them down? Or are you weighted down with sorrow and pain? Oh, my dear friends, remember this. God in His Sovereignty allows those sorrows that come into our life. [bctt tweet=”Into a broken world God reaches in with a steady hand of Grace bringing purpose out of our pain”] 1. Either He is drawing you closer to Himself in the midst of the trial 2. Or He is preparing you to share in His Glory by allowing you to be the testimony that leads another to Christ. Usually, He is doing both.

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/joshuaearle The poetry is mine.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Christian Blog

What Is Your Strength, Hope And Love Anchored To?

March 11, 2016 Effie Barba

I will love thee, O Lord, my strength.The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised (Psalm 18:1-3)

Once more we packed all that we had and left for Mexico. We could not sell the house nor the practice, though I had tried. We had to just walk away. Yet, Pete was filled with hope. He had trained in what at that time was very new—laparoscopic surgery. I made a huge effort to collect from the insurances the money owed us from the practice. From the accounts receivables we were able to secure enough to buy the equipment he would need to start a new practice in Pachuca, Hgo. Mexico. We would just start over, that was all. In Mexico, there were no opiates available and that would help Pete to stay free from the temptation to return to them.

But as is usually the case, life does not come with ease. Remember, Pete had gone through the treatment program for the addiction; but, the underlying mental illness had been left untreated. It was only a matter of time until once more, Pete was battling the thoughts within his own head. I do not pretend to understand fully what he or mom experience; but, both describe a “pain” inside their head. Not a headache—an emotional pain so great that is unbearable. And so the cycles continued of ecstatic highs followed by devastating depression. I was powerless to

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