Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love Ephesians 4:2 (PHILLIPS)
Having seen the glimpse of what God was doing in the heart of Pete should have given me all the hope I could ever need to patiently believe. It should have; but, how quickly our human hearts see a flickering light and want immediately to see the full beam of glorious light. Patience was always that lesson that I asked God if we could just skip and move on to something else. Yet, it was the one God truly wanted me to learn. After all, if I truly trust God; patience would be easy. After all, patience is merely the question of “How much do I really trust God’s goodness toward me?”
So, it was that after Pete declared his discovery that the Bible was true; he did not again speak of God or salvation. He continued with his highs and lows. Actually, the moments of happiness were being engulfed by the days of deep depression. More and more Pete wanted to retreat into a world of sleep using drugs to stay there. There were those moments of anger and harshness that would come that made me welcome his retreat back into sleep. The violence would come as I tried to hide the drugs from him or to ration them to help him come clean again. I pleaded with his family to come and sit watch with him as he went through withdrawal; yet, one by one they would leave as soon as Pete became verbally abusive. Again, I would be left alone to try. So, I would try each new day to step by step bring him off.
I will never forget one of those moments when Pete was angry and Alberto stood in front of him. Alberto’s body shook, his hands and voice trembled as he stared straight at his father. “What you do is wrong, Daddy. What you do to Mom is wrong. The way you treat me and Ron is wrong.” Pete sat in silence for a moment and then said, “I’m sorry. He reached out his arms and then he hugged Alberto and Ron.
A SENTENCE I WOULD REGRET FOR A LIFETIME
It was late December 1993, I was about to leave the house to take the boys out to lunch. Pete was in his bedroom with his door locked. Suddenly, I went back into the apartment for something I had forgotten. Ron and Alberto were in the adjoining apartment playing video games. As I entered the house I heard a thud as Pete fell against the closet. With all my strength I barged against the door and was able to jar it open to find Pete on the floor. A suicide note lay on the table next to the bed. He was awake, but unable to help me get him up. I called the boys over and we lifted him into the bed. Pete had taken a bunch of pills. There is no 911 in Mexico, I pondered what to do next.
WHEN I FAILED, GOD STEPPED IN SHOWING GRACE THROUGH A CHILD
Then for a second, just a moment I hesitated. I said something next, that I still regret as a haunting recording that sometimes occurs. I looked at Ron and Alberto and said, “He doesn’t want us to save him and he will be very angry if we do.” Alberto looked back at me with horror, “Mom, you have to do something.” Quickly I was running to call for help when I heard Pete’s brother below in the parking lot. I screamed to him and we carried Pete to the van where I sat beside him to keep him awake until we reached the hospital. We made it just in time before his breathing and his heart stopped. They coded him, placed him on a respirator and he was there in a coma for 3 days. He did recover. It is with horror that I remember I hesitated and my sons both knew.
GOD SOVEREIGN GRACE COVERS IT ALL
Yet, it was a gracious God who intervened that day. Pete had not yet accepted Christ as His Savior. I cannot tell you why I hesitated. There was a brief moment I remembered the trembling body of Alberto only days before as he stood up to his father. But love never gives up. Alberto knew that and was the one who reminded me of that truth in that moment.
THE LESSON IN LOVE
Love forgives from a humble heart. Anything good that I had ever done is because of Christ in me. It was because of Grace alone that I was saved. I had nothing of which I can boast apart from Christ.
“ let the one who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows Me [and acknowledges Me and honors Me as God and recognizes without any doubt], that I am the Lord who practices lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on the earth, for in these things I delight,” says the Lord (Jeremiah 9:24 AMP)
“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud” (I Corinthians 13:4 TLB)
I will forever regret those words that came from my lips. Yet, even that God has forgiven me for. He had forgiven me before they were ever spoken. Remembering the grace by which I was saved humbles me. Then from a humbled heart I am able to learn to love with patience and forgiveness. When I forget that: I must go back to the foot of the cross as a reminder of God’s Grace. [bctt tweet= “One must look deep within one’s own heart to see all that God’s Grace has forgiven.”] [bctt tweet=”Once you realize God’s Grace toward you, then with a humbled heart you are free to love.”]
What about you? Is there ever a moment you did or said something that you regret? Bring it to Christ and rest assured that as you lay it before Him, you are forgiven.
The song I chose for you today, If We Are Honest
J.B. Phillips New Testament(PHILLIPS)The New Testament in Modern English by J.B Phillips copyright © 1960, 1972 J. B. Phillips. Administered by The Archbishops’ Council of the Church of England. Used by Permission.
Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
Living Bible (TLB) The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.