Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit. 9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:7-9
So, it was that I settled back into my home town. There was a comfort of being back home. Mom had even bought me a house; despite, my having asked her to wait and let me buy one. I loved being a nurse, a mother, and a follower of Christ. You could say I was contented. It was a time to just let my roots dig a little deeper. There were scars that needed to heal; and, I needed to help my sons through their teen years.
One of the other nurses looked at me one day and asked, “Why don’t you date? All you do is work.” “I have my children to raise;” came my quick reply. “But don’t you owe it to them to go on with your life as well? They will be grown soon. At least come with us this Thursday, there is someone I want you to meet!” So, it was I met Terry. He made me laugh and to feel a bit more alive. Very much the country boy. Looking back, I realize a part of me wanted to find that feeling of safety I had felt with my Daddy. Terry and I had very different dreams, goals, hopes and even worlds in which we lived. Both of us came to the table with a lot of expectations and needs. His home and all that he loved was an hour away from my home and all that I loved. Our beliefs, goals and spirits were even farther apart. Had we either one realized that or had we truly understood that we both came in need not love; we wouldn’t have married. But we did get married and tried to make work a long distance marriage. I stayed in Dexter and he stayed in his cabin in the woods.
It was I who would work two jobs, supporting my children and also help Terry financially. I did have the higher paying job, so I didn’t mind. After all sharing is part of love and marriage. He had a young son. Much younger than mine. Whenever we would get together with family outings, I would often talk with Dustin. Everyone else would be chattering on and even seemed to ignore Dustin; while, I would listen. Years later I would find out what a difference that would make and how a Sovereign God could weave all things together for our good and for the good of the kingdom.
FAILURE AND FOOL FOR THE SAKE OF LOVE
By now you may be thinking, “What a mess!! Doesn’t she ever learn? Why would a Sovereign God ever use her?” Well, pretty much those were the same questions I would be asking myself. I had learned that God’s love was unconditional; but, really why was I so desperate to find someone to love me. Someone who could confirm me. Why did I so need that? There were layers and layers yet that God needed to peel back before I could reach that point of fully trusting Him with everything. I also would need to learn how to forgive myself and to see me through the eyes of God’s love before I could stand firm. Years yet to go before I would discover that love had always been there. First I was going to have to walk through a lot more trials and heartbreaks before I discovered the truth that love had been there deep within me all along. The love I searched for was there inside me.
THE HUMAN HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS
Look at the verses above. Did you notice that they begin with “Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is. For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.” Then immediately to follow it says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” If you read further in the same chapter you then hear Jeremiah’s cry,
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise” (Jeremiah 17:14).
Our human hearts are very deceitful; searching for love, desires, and joys wherever we go. We want so much. We need so much. For some of us it takes a lifetime of striving to discover that everything we ever needed was found in Christ. More amazing still, is how patiently, gently, and graciously God has loved us. He didn’t give up on me. He continued to pick me up every time I fell down. He continued to shine before me a light of His Glory—a glimpse of hope, love and joy.
So, why am I so willing to share with you my failures?
3 TRUTHS YOU NEED TO KNOW
1. You are never too far away from the gracious hand of a loving heavenly Father who is calling you to be His child. Do you know Christ as your Savior? If not, that is where it begins. Just, bow your head and ask Him into your heart today.
2. If you know Christ as your Savior, He never lets go of you. I know this because He never let go of me.
“37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39 NKJV).
In the margins of my Bible I have written, “Not even me.” I can’t rip myself out of His hands of love.
3. We need to cry out like Jeremiah, “Heal me.” He will. Our journey may lead down many twisted winding roads. It may take us through treacherous valleys. Yet, the final product will be that we look like Jesus. Our hearts will find our joy, love, and hope in God. The end is perfect joy, perfect love, being showered in His Glory. Yet a little while and I will know Him.
4. Maybe, if I can show you the truth through my failures; hopefully, I help you not make some of the choices I did. Or at least, if you have; I can give you hope to know that God will see you through whatever you must walk to find the truth of His love.
CONCLUSION
There is nothing more precious than the love of God. He takes the foolish to become the wise. He can take the hand of the weakest and make them strong. [bctt tweet=” God’s love can reach to the farthest corners of your heart to heal all the brokenness. “] There was nothing I could do to make God love me less and there was nothing I could do to make Him love me more. [bctt tweet=”Before I could truly enjoy the truth of God’s love the truth would have to be written on my heart “]
The Song I chose for you today is Not What My Hands
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.