The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:18 (NKJV) The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying: “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore, with lovingkindness I have drawn you…You shall again be adorned with your tambourines, and shall go forth in the dances of those who rejoice. Jeremiah 31:2-4 NKJV
After everything that God had done, I should have been overwhelmed by joy. God had amazingly worked out all the details of my life. I was filled with the awe and wonder of His Grace toward me. Yet, there was that dark hollow hole buried deep within my heart. A broken piece within my heart that longed for love. With everything in me, I wanted to bury that desire once and for all. I pleaded with God to make it go away to make me feel satisfied in Him. I stuffed the feeling away, trying to ignore it. Busily I filled each day with work, Bible study and prayer; hoping to make that ‘hole” disappear. Like Paul, I prayed over and over again to the only one who could take control of my heart and remove this darkness. I really wanted God to be the only treasure I did seek; but, there was that one longing I could not rid myself of. The sadness of which would haunt me at times when no one else was around. Never could I imagine what God was about to do next as He determined to show me the truth of love.
It was late in the fall of 2014 that God was to begin a journey to teach me what it was to love with a pure heart. Entering into my life would be the return of a casual friend. Oh, I had known him in the past—lost contact, then in 2010 by a miraculous work of God; this friend had answered a prayer. He had the manuscript of one of my first writings. In a frantic search for my copy, I had prayed for God to help me find it. Out of nowhere within 24 hours, this man had sent me a message on Facebook to say, “Did you ever publish that book?” He sent me a copy. Our friendship and correspondence was very distant and casual after that; maybe a “Hi, how are you?” Then once more in 2014, God would send this man to answer a prayer and to teach me the ultimate truth about love.
In late 2014, we began to have conversations via texting. As I came to know this dear man; I began to realize how truly beautiful a person he was and is. The perfect dichotomous blend of all that was right and good in the world. He was strong, gentle, brilliant, humble, independent, warm, honest and kind. Over the course of time, I was amazed that he always knew the right question to ask me. Each question would make me search every corner of my heart to find an answer—to know the truth about myself. He did this with such a casual humility; as though, unaware of the impact he had. I grew to love the brilliance of his mind, the gentleness of his spirit, and the beauty of the person he is. Distance would only allow an occasional meeting for dinner at which time I relished listening to him or just watching him. Although, I saw his utter brilliance; he considered himself always a student wanting to learn more. Our lives would touch; yet, there was uniquely no expectations of tomorrow. This was true both because of distance and the gap of ages (for he was nearer the age of my children than I). He did not need me. In my past, everyone that I had thought I loved were there only because of their “need”.
THE PUREST OF LOVES
For the first time, there was no need, no expectations, no promise of another moment or another day. Suddenly, I realized that this was the knowledge of love I had searched for all of these years. C. S. Lewis once wrote,
“Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.”― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
I then recognized this truth. The purest of loves is seeing the absolute grandeur of another and rejoicing in knowing the world is a better place because they exist and that I am a better person because I was graciously given the opportunity to have known them. That kind of love does not need to possess, does not need a promise of their being in your life, and does not hold any expectation of their fulfilling anything in you. Yet, at the same moment; just knowing they exist transforms your view of everything else.
A GLIMPSE OF GLORY
When I realized that, I saw what God had done!! He sent this dearest of friends to be a glimpse of God’s own Glory to my wearied heart. The dark casket where I had locked away my heart was flung open. Only then did I realize that it was God’s Perfect love there deep within my heart waiting ever so patiently to emerge. God’s perfect, all consuming love had been there from the very beginning when I first asked him into my heart. God never gave up. Gently, lovingly God had been at work every step of this journey to guide my heart to see the wondrous spectrum of His Love and His Glory.
Finally, I knew the truth of Love. Love that fulfills, completes and overflows was there inside of me waiting all those years to finally be free to love.
What really is the most amazing truth about love? It is God’s Perfect love abiding deep within you which will one day be able to see His Glorious beauty. Then that love will overflow your heart with joy beyond anything you could ever imagine. Just wait a little while and you will see.
[tweetthis]And so it was, my journey in search of perfect love began & ended with God[/tweetthis]
The song I chose for you today is Soar
Original Photo used by permission https://unsplash.com/@jeremy The inscription I added
New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.