There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. I John 4:18
By third grade, I had taken enough speech classes to have overcome the speech impediment. There was a new “integration” policy in Dexter. There were two grade schools. One primarily had “city” kids and the other had primarily “country”. I was one of the country kids chosen to travel a little further to the other grade school, while the town wanted to integrate country children with city children. (Remember it is a small town so “city” is a relative term). Yet, for me it was a new beginning. I did have to ride the school bus an hour each way; but, I used that time to do my homework and to study. Finally, I was accepted. It was a happy time. I began to win awards in math, spelling, and even singing. There were sleep overs with my new found friends who accepted me for me. My hard work and “performance” were paying off.
Then in fifth grade, I was moved back to the first school. Determined to be acceptable, I worked very hard to become slender. My success went un-noticed by my classmates; but, I was suddenly noticed by older boys and even the new male teacher noticed me. So, I came to believe that “to be accepted” it was important to perform well and to be attractive. I began to believe the same of God’s love. God could love me only if I could perform well and could work hard for Him. By age 12, I was the substitute Sunday school teacher at church.
MIXED MESSAGES
Mom encouraged me to start dating at age 14. She began teaching me that to honor God and to be obedient to Him, I must be a wife and mother. There was no other job that God would honor. It was of utmost importance that I maintain my virtue, one day become the wife to one man and live happily ever after. (Although listening to Mom scream and fight with Daddy did not appear to be happily ever after. Perhaps I would be better at it than she was.) Mom insisted that anything less than becoming the “perfect virtuous wife and mother”; God would pour out His wrath upon my life. I wanted God’s love. I wanted Mom’s love. I wanted to honor my Father’s will. After all, love meant obedience. So, I did just that. My stance became well known. At times, I was called “the preacher.” It didn’t bother me to be called that. At least, God must be proud of me for standing up for Him. Ok, where had I missed the lesson on “pride”? Performance based faith often leads to pride as it forgets that salvation is all about God’s Grace reaching out to love. Performance based faith also sets one up for a fall—as “I” cannot please God of my own volition. A lesson that I would need to learn in time.
A TIME OF TURMOIL
At home, everything turned upside down. Daddy, not realizing that I was headed toward being Valedictorian, asked that I study to be a secretary because “no girl should go to college.” He didn’t know what I was giving up; as I didn’t tell him. I blindly obeyed. That is what a daughter should do. I dropped all the accelerated classes and took secretarial. Charlie and Daddy began fighting and arguing every night. Mom, who had pushed me toward dating young, began to constantly yell at me. She questioned my virtue almost daily. She reminded me that God’s wrath would punish me severely if I were not careful to obey Him on this. So, I did the only thing I thought I should to please God and Mom. I got married at 16 with Mom’s blessings and my virtue intact. Did I marry because of love? Not really, I didn’t even know what love was. I married a young man who had graduated from special education classes. We had nothing in common. My life was about to change drastically. In fact, it would go spiraling downward before my heart would be ready to learn the truth about love.
LOVE’S OBEDIENCE BRINGS JOY—OBEDIENCE FROM FEAR BRINGS SORROW-WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?
So, what lesson can I share with you from this?
1. Love does obey. Obedience is a part of truly loving one’s parents, loving one’s husband and loving God. That is true; yet, it is not an obedience out of fear nor is it an obedience to “win their love”. The obedience that honors our parents, our husband or God is an obedience that is born out of love first. Let me see if I can explain the difference. How do I explain here in a brief moment what has taken me a lifetime to learn? I must try though. The difference in true love’s obedience and “obeying because I want to gain your love” is a matter of the heart. Jesus said, “If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments” John 14:15 AMP). Notice, which comes first here. If you really love me, you will obey. To really love means that I see another’s wishes, desires, and wellbeing as supremely more important than even my own. My own joy is wrapped up in seeing them glorified and in seeing their joy. It is not contingent upon their loving me more for my “sacrificial obedience” or service. If I am looking to gain myself, I will always be disappointed—I will never be satisfied. Example: If I tithe because I want God’s love—then I will be pouting and angry with God when my finances fall apart. “Didn’t I obey you God? Why did you let this happen? You don’t love me!!” Have you ever done that? On the other hand, if out of love I give to promote God’s Kingdom; then, no sacrifice is too great. Instead of anger and pouting, my response becomes, “I wish I had more to give; but, use this for your glory God in whatever way you wish.”
[bctt tweet=”Love realizes that the beloved is a rare treasure that is to be cherished”]
[bctt tweet=”Love rejoices and is joyous in seeing the joy of the beloved.”]
When that happens obedience becomes an act of love—it is pleasurable in its own action. It springs out of love for the beloved as naturally as spring water bubbles from beneath the rocks, spilling over and sparkling with life.
[bctt tweet=”God desires to perfect His love that is within us—even if it takes a lifetime. “] It is His perfect love toward us, in us and through us that brings our Joy and brings Him Glory.
The Song I chose for you today: Sovereign Over Us
Amplified Bible (AMP)Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.