Couples arrive each carrying their own set of luggage. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with beautiful memories, traditions, and beliefs that will strengthen the new couple. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with fears, pains, sorrows and traditions which only injure. Broken vessels often have shards of glass that can cut open wounds. A single word can set off a cascade of painful memories from the past; ripping open wounds that had never healed. Sometimes those memories can set off a chain of reactions filled with anger, fear, and hate.
Pete and I had arrived with all our baggage. Piece by piece over the course of years, we began unpacking our rags of brokenness. Were it not for God’s Grace and intervening hand of love; we could not have survived. Yet, God had a perfect plan of love for both of us. He was about to change the eternity of Pete; while, at the same time step by step, piece by piece transform my heart into one that could see God’s love, forgiveness, and joy clearly.
I had arrived believing that this was my last chance to “get it right.” So, I was going to be willing to endure anything. That played a huge role in my choices at the beginning at least. If I tried really, really hard; maybe, just maybe Pete would love me. Sounds like a familiar recording from my past playing in my head?
Pete had arrived with his own fears and sorrows. Walls surrounded his heart; barriers that would have to come down one by one. Tradition and history stood in the way. Besides at that time, Pete did not believe in God. He had nowhere to turn for answers; no hope beyond what he could do himself.
COMPASSION THAT DROVE LOVE
Through the tough times, I am certain it was God’s grace that allowed me to see beyond the exterior and see the heart of Pete as God saw him. That love would help to guide me through. Over the years, I began to learn of Pete’s past. Deep inside Pete’s chest there was the heart of an injured child. My heart bled with desire to comfort him.
A PAIN FILLED PAST
Pete’s earliest memory was that of sitting on his front porch step with his sister while listening to his father beat his mother. Soon after, his father had left. His mother placed him and his older sister into an orphanage. While there, Pete was underfed and beaten by the nuns. His mother would visit. At age 5, he contracted malaria. It was his father who came to rescue him, buy the medicine and take care of him. After that, he lived with his father and step mother. The step mother rationed his food to make certain her children were fed first. He remembered being always hungry. His father sent him to the best private school; yet, sent him there wearing rags and shoes filled with holes. More than anything, Pete wanted to hear his father say, “Well done, my son.” Words that never came. Pete’s sister told me of a time when he was 14 or 15. His father kicked him down a flight of stairs because he couldn’t carry the cement blocks up the stairs fast enough. Another time his father beat him with a strap until bits and pieces of his tee shirt were embedded deep into the cuts and the dried blood. Over the years, as piece by piece these truths I learned—I realized that I could never leave him. What had begun as my need to be loved became my overwhelming love and desire to help Pete find his way out of the dark pit of sorrow he lived in.
CAN WE REALLY POINT A FINGER OF BLAME?
Perhaps, you would think that we could blame his father and mother for all of this. The same as there was a time I could point to mom and try to place the blame on her for my failures. Yet, the truth is all of them were doing the very best that they could with the traditions, beliefs and skill sets they had been given. Pete’s father only did as he had learned; what he thought was best to raise a child. Tradition handed down from one generation to the next. They firmly believed the scripture, “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24). So, Pete’s father believed that this was how to demonstrate love. (Years later, he and I would sit together to discuss grace, forgiveness and love). Funny how the world turns and God accomplishes His work in a fallen, broken world such as ours.
TRADITION VERSUS THE HEART OF TRUTH
Was it not tradition that caused the Pharisees to seek the crucifixion of Christ? Christ had come to change “tradition.” In such, Christ came in love to fulfill the law. Fulfilling the law was not just performing the “acts of the law”; it was much deeper. It was the heart of the law that must be fulfilled. Remember how Jesus explained the law?
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law? 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.38 This is the first and great commandment.39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets (Matthew 22).
OUR ONLY HOPE IS GOD’S LOVE
God revealing His love to us in the gift of His son; reaching forth to save us while rebellious, sinners is the only hope we have. Pete’s father was wrong; though, he believed he was doing what was right. The same was true of my mother who was so afraid that “I might fail God and His wrath would be poured down on me.” Neither truly understood God’s grace and love; though, both had accepted Christ as their Savior. They both lived in fear themselves. They had yet to be “perfected in love.”
FORGIVENESS, HOW?
Yet, before we condemn; are any of us yet perfected in love? Or are we all in different stages of growth. There are dark crevices within my own heart that are yet to be revealed. Just like Paul, I must cry out;
13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3).
CONCLUDING THOUGHT
Did you get that? “Forgetting that which is behind”. To move forward in love—to truly have my heart filled with God’s love; I need to forgive and forget the past. That forgiveness must be toward others as well as myself. I need to rewrite all those negative memory tapes that play in my head. I need to replace them with tapes of Grace, Love, and Forgiveness. Impossible? Alone it would be impossible not because they did worse than I. Forgiveness is impossible without the help of Christ because of the darkness in my own heart. My only hope to know how to truly love and forgive is Jesus Christ in me. Because I know Christ as my Savior, His love abides in me. His forgiveness is there inside my heart waiting to reach out to all those around me. Jesus is there making intercession for you and me every day. He loved us with all our brokenness. He died to purchase our forgiveness, so He could shower us with His love. That is true of me, Pete, Pete’s father, Pete’s mother, Mom and you. [bctt tweet=”As I hand God the negative tapes that play in my head; He rewrites them with His Grace and Love. “] [bctt tweet=”Any painful tapes playing in your head? Bring them to the cross and see what God can do!!”] Would you accept His love for you today? Will you lay before him all that broken baggage and let Him replace it with grace, love and joy?
The Song I chose for you today is Brokenness Aside
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.