Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God. Psalm 69:1-3
There is a weariness of heart and spirit that we may face at times in our life. That weariness and fatigue can lead toward a paralyzing depression if we cannot discover it’s source and find it’s remedy. So often we try to hide the weariness from the rest of the world, never wanting them to know. We run after entertainment, relationships, alcohol, and drugs to numb the pain. Yet, in the darkness of night, the weariness is still there. Sometimes, our bodies are too fatigued as we battle some chronic illness or we face the agony of losing someone we love. The sorrow digs deep within our soul. We agonize over our own frailty and sin at times. I do not know what sorrow, worry or despair may be rising up to drown your soul. Over a lifetime, I have found myself at times drowning in my own tears. For that reason, I want to reach out a hand of hope to you today as I begin a new series concerning the emotional turmoil we face on this journey called life.
Any emotional or spiritual battle we face requires that we pause for a moment to look at the root cause. Often, I have found that my aching, weary heart is a result of my expectations. Those expectations can be divided into three major categories. 1. What I expect from myself. 2. What I expect the response of others to be. 3. What I believe should be God’s response.
Today, we will look at the first of these.
REALITY CHECK—WHAT I EXPECT FROM ME VS REALITY
As any of you gathered from the post and poem I presented yesterday, you may have noted that I tend to demand perfection from myself. Of course, that expectation is one I can never accomplish. You should have…. Why didn’t you….. Well, you really messed that up! How could you have been so foolish! Words that go through my head way too often. The strange part of that is, I don’t have that same expectation of others. Instead, I can show grace to everyone else; except me. Let me give you an example that clearly demonstrated this.
When I prepared to face surgery and chemotherapy in 1997 for a very aggressive breast cancer, I determined to look on the bright side. After all, how many women would relish having a tummy tuck for free, could everyday walk out with a new hairstyle, lose weight and gain smooth youthful skin. Instead I gained 20 pounds, the tummy tuck left me with no waistline, my cheekbones turned into a moon face, and my scalp was to tender to wear a wig. When I looked in the mirror, I loathed the person I saw. Vanity? Yes, it was vanity; I know. It brought back the images of a little girl rejected because of her weight and speech impediment. After much prayer and seeking God’s wisdom in this, I began to practice looking in the mirror and seeing myself as I saw my patients. I began to give myself the same mercy, compassion and love that I would the patients that I met each day. Also, to complete this process I had to mentally go back in time and love that little girl who had felt so unworthy of love. Healing began with prayer and being honest with myself.
O God, thou knowest my foolishness; and my sins are not hid from thee. Psalm 69:5
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both a like to You.For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[a]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:12-14 (NKJV)
I find that I must begin every morning in prayer. Even before I get out of bed, my mind begins to ask for God to guide my thoughts. This takes a brief moment to do. I place my thoughts at God’s Throne of Grace first.
For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:15-16
God knew me before I was ever born. He knew every failure, flaw, and sorrow I would face in this lifetime. Yet, he loved me, he chose me to be his own. Jesus, as he walked on this earth faced moments of great sorrow. He prayed with great sorrow as he bowed before the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. He willingly chose to take on my shame, my sin, and my grief so that he could pour upon me His cloak of righteousness. In Christ, I am God’s redeemed, Beloved, Blessed Child. I can abide in Him. He has promised to carry my burdens upon His shoulders as I am yoked with Him in this labor upon this earth.
[bctt tweet=”When I recognize the truth of my own frailties, I would despair until I look to Jesus.” username=”effiedarlene”]
[bctt tweet=”When I come before the throne of Grace, I learn that I can do all things through Christ in me.” username=”effiedarlene”]
[tweetthis]In Christ, I arise out of my own despair to step into His Destiny for me[/tweetthis].
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Photo used by permission https://unsplash.com/@volkanolmez
New King James Version (NKJV)
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
I would love to hear from you. You can leave your comments here.