How to Battle the Darkness of Mental Illness

Into the darkest night, God is the answer that you seek.  Whether it be the darkness of addiction, mental illness or both, God is the comforter that your heart seeks.  If you are the one in the battle or if you love someone who is, remember this.

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

The outer appearances may fool you

The medical practice that Pete and I built together was huge. Pete was a brilliant diagnostician and physician. My creativity and hard work had been the perfect compliment. Together we built the largest Hispanic Practice in all of Dallas. We had a beautiful house, nice cars, and to the outside world all was well. As for me, I could easily remain buried in the work. Caring for the house, the office, and my two wonderful sons. I kept my mind busy and content. I knew when to exit for a few days and when to return. Really, I had become filled with loving Pete, working hard to help him succeed, and waiting for God’s big miracle to come.

A Surprise Visit

Then came the moment when Pete’s brother, family and father all arrived for a surprise visit. I had stayed home that day to work on the billing for the office. With less than 30 minutes notice I scurried about the house trying to prepare for guests to arrive. They had surprised Pete at the office and were now all headed to the house. Trying to start dinner, transform my bedroom into a guest room, straighten the den/office from the papers I had scattered to work on; my mind was in a whirl. I knew Pete would want to impress. I had to have it all perfect.

In all the scurrying I forgot to move the kitty litter from my bathroom; a mistake I would regret. As I was slung to the ground, I curled into a fetal position to protect my head. A position I had learned to assume over the years. This time I felt the point of his shoe hit my spine. The pain wrenched through my body; but, not a word or sound could I utter. I couldn’t let the others hear. Somehow, when I emerged I managed to smile and to put on the show that all was well for our guests despite the pain.

Facing the truth

That night I crawled into a little attic room which was over the den. It was filled with toys and games. There I slept hidden away. The guests had my room. I didn’t want to go to Pete’s bedroom. I felt broken. The boys were safely tucked away in their room. From where I was I could hear the whole house. By morning the pain was worse as is usually the case with such injuries. Indeed, I had lost bladder control and could barely move. Quickly, I told everyone I had fallen and “hit my back against the pool table when coming down from the attic where I had gone to put away some things.”

When my guests left a week later, Pete went with them on a vacation to the beaches in Mexico with his father. During that time, still with agonizing pain trying to manage the office alone; I was awakened to the truth that we needed help. When he returned I discovered the truth of Pete’s now overwhelming addiction as he poured out his heart in confession. I begged him to get professional help; but, he pleaded with me to let him try again. He told me that his father had said, “Doesn’t matter what you have built or have; you will never amount to anything!!” A statement that he never recovered from. He lost all interest in the office. Instead of fighting against the addiction, he sunk deeper in. By this time he was using IV morphine to kill his pain. I needed help!!

Mental illness and Addiction

It is unfortunate the stigma that surrounds mental illness and addiction in our society. A stigma that prevents people from seeking the help they need. What became even more evident over the year which followed, there is a lacking in good mental health care in our society. I hired physicians to work in the office; while trying to help Pete.

The first hospital I took him to required cash up front which I gladly gave them. The physician caring for him said, “You need to just leave him and let him die.” He gave Pete all the wrong meds. Pete became fully psychotic at which time the doctor let him leave against medical advice and drive away. When I had asked about the physician help line for impaired physicians. The doctor said, “I called them and told them about the case. They want nothing to do with him.” Later, I learned that was a blatant lie!!

Frightened and feeling all alone, I tried over the next 8 months to counsel Pete alone. If I could just get him off these meds. Many nights I sat awake beside his bed in constant prayer and vigil watch lest he take his own life. I finally got up the courage to try again. This time, I sold all the life insurance policies to pay the entrance fee into a drug program at Baylor Hospital. The program was good at getting him off the drugs; however, they did not address the underlying problem. By now I was certain of Pete being bipolar. I pleaded with the psychiatrist to at least test him. He said, “The only problem is the drugs.” Meanwhile, he treated Pete with an obvious disgust; as though he had no worth or value. Perhaps there was the prejudice also playing in. Pete was Mexican and a physician.

Help!

By now, the state board of medicine was involved and Pete’s license would be placed on probationary status. He sunk deeper into despair. The only bright light. We were sent to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. He saw Pete for who he was. Recognizing his brilliance, he treated Pete with respect. He also saw the deep, underlying pain and illness. Because he was the evaluating physician for the state, we would have to wait a year before he could be Pete’s psychiatrist due to the legal proceedings. A year we would not have. Having lost the practice, the house and almost all of the money; we left for Mexico, to try to start over.

Mental illness is real. Addiction is real. I urge you to seek help for your loved ones or yourself. People with mental illness and addiction need our help to find the right program for them. We need better programs!! We need more awareness!! Most of all we need to let those struggling with addiction or mental illness know that they are loved by God.

God’s Love

One more thing. I know I could not have stood by Pete through all of this had it not been for God’s love undergirding me. It was God who allowed me to see beyond the outside into the heart of Pete. It was God who gave me the strength to go on. The love lesson today is: Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (I Corinthians 13:5 NIV). Love allowed me to see past my injury to reach out and try with all my might to save Pete from his own darkness.

My dear friends, I do not know what you are facing today. I do not know what sorrows are yours for the moment. I do not know what addictions or illness you may be facing. What I do know is God loves you. [bctt tweet=”God is waiting to wrap His arms around you, comfort you and fill you with His love.”] [bctt tweet=”God is the hope you need, the greatest treasure your heart could ever find. “]If you know His love, is there someone He is calling you to reach out to and comfort today?

Resources

The song I chose for you is God of All Comfort

New International Version (NIV) Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Original photo used by permission https://unsplash.com/fableandfolk  The poem I added

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.