4 Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. 5 It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. 6 It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail] I Corinthians 13 (AMP).
We often feel that once God has spoken within our hearts and we answer that call; that all the pains and sorrows will fade immediately away. We want the miracle to be instantaneous. In this I was no different. I wanted Pete to find Christ, be healed and live happily ever after. Soon I was about to learn that “loves endures with patience and serenity.” Endure!! The very definition is to suffer pain with patience. To add to it!! This verse is saying to endure with patience and serenity. It is like saying, “Love will patiently suffer with patience and peace” Patience was not the lesson I wanted to learn.
There would be those sweet and wondrous moments. Happy and joy filled moments. Pete could be the kindest person in the world. He did love the children very much. After all they had not come with instructions on “how to love.” The only instructions on being a father that Pete really had were those handed down from his parents. Though, he tried very hard to balance the strictness with hugs and days spent watching movies with the boys curled up in his bed.
When we had returned, Pete and I opened a new medical office. He had stopped drinking any alcohol. We both had hoped this would stop the cycles of upward climbing excitement nearing euphoria; reaching its peak with abrupt anger or violence, then a sudden crash into deep depression. The cessation of alcohol did help for a time. Life was calm for a little while.
ATTEMPTS AT VAIN SELF HEALING
When the cycles returned, Pete believing “Physician, heal thyself” went in search of a solution. Through his studies and logic he concluded that he lacked “endorphins”. Endorphins are our own bodies “well ness hormones.” Why not go for real help? Ah, the stigma of seeing a Psychiatrist frightened Pete. So he began to self-medicate with small doses of Vicodin or Hydrocodone, never realizing the escalating addiction that would follow. Me? I had no idea that was what he was doing. I just knew the cycles were back and the violent moments were severe.
FRIENDS WHO STAND FIRM
There were times, I would have to leave for a few days until the cycle could pass. No longer could I live in total silence. I had two dear friends, Deloris and Juana who would open their homes to me. Arriving with only the clothes on our backs, we would stay a while. They welcomed me and the children with open arms. As the years went by, I had learned to keep some hidden cash and a packed suitcase in my truck. Suddenly, I would tell the children to slip out and wait for me in the truck. As always, I could turn Pete’s anger toward me, let it play out until he would retreat to his room. We would then be off on a “holiday” for a few days. We went to different hotels during those holidays.
GOD’S ANSWER TO MY DESPAIRING CRY
Often I would look into heaven and cry, “God, I can’t do this!! Who is going to protect these children?” On those moments, I would consider leaving for good. Then, my heart would fill with peace as though God had answered with a shout—“I will protect the children. Don’t you worry about that—I’ve got them in the palm of my hand.” Within a day or two, my heart would fill with compassion and love. I knew that by that time Pete was again in his depth of depression; lost to his world of childhood sorrows and dark despair of loneliness. So, I would return.
The worsening addiction to opiates in addition to his undiagnosed bipolar disorder would drive us toward losing the house, the practice and send us back to Mexico; but, that chapter must wait until next time.
WHAT HAD I LEARNED?
1. Godly Friends are needed—we cannot do this as an island. David had such a dear friend in Jonathan who emotionally stood by him while David ran for his life from King Saul.
“2 Saul took David that day and did not let him return to his father’s house. 3 Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. 4 Jonathan stripped himself of the outer robe that he was wearing and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword, his bow, and his belt” (I Samuel 18:2-4).
God sent two wonderful women into my life to be my friends. They never judged me; yet, they were there to demonstrate their love, kindness and support whenever I needed them.
2. Whatever trials we face in this life, I was learning to focus on the good. As Paul wrote,
“ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4: 8 ).
There were so many wonderful things about Pete that I could focus on. There were so many blessings in our life that I could focus on. Then there were my wonderful and beautiful sons whom I could focus on their love. So at the end of each day, I would pause to remember all the blessings that I had.
3. For love to endure every kind of hardship with patience and serenity—God would have to fill my heart with His love and peace. For love to remain kind and thoughtful, God would have to take charge of my thoughts. For love to not become proud (after all I wasn’t violent); God would have to remind me of my own stumbling frailties. For love to not be self-seeking; God would have to allow me to see Pete’s needs over my own. For love not to retaliate with anger, I needed God’s grace to fill my heart. I needed God every step of the way. He was the only one who could open my eyes to see the truth of Pete’s heart. Only God could reveal to me Pete through God’s eyes of love in a way that I could see the tenderness of this broken and injured spirit.
[bctt tweet=”The only way for love to endure with patience, hope and joy (whatever comes) is God. “][bctt tweet=”“Christ in you the hope of Glory” Colossians 1:27”]
The song I chose for you today is Here’s My Heart Lord
Amplified Bible (AMP)Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631. All rights reserved.
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.