Can Your Greatest Agony Actually Turn To Joy? How?
The blast of the gun!! The horror in the middle of the night!! Trembling as I emerged from the bedroom to see my husband gasping for air. Blood poured from his mouth. The gun still in his now limp hand. I gently tipped back the recliner to open his airway; but the bullet had gone through his head. I called the ambulance. A cousin who had been visiting and witness, stood paralyzed. My oldest son screaming from the back bedroom—he couldn’t breathe. I opened the windows then went back to making phone calls for help. It was in Mexico, so there was no 911, the ambulance was very slow. Agony, rage filled my heart. I had watched my husband battle inside the monster of mental illness. Too proud as a physician to get real help, he had tried to go it alone. Mental illness had won. Or had it? All the struggles we had faced as a family; always hoping, always dreaming that he would be well one day. How I had believed that with enough love, he could be made well?
The agony and despair was more than I could bare; yet, as the day moved on there came a whispering sound—deep beneath, barely audible nearly drowned out by agony’s roar. A whisper of God—assuring me that my husband was now at peace—that he had found Christ a few months before. He was with God. He was healed. In the depth of agony, deeply hidden in the recesses was this promise. Oh, don’t get me wrong–suicide is NOT the answer for anyone–God’s desire is that we find hope here in Him; but neither is it the unpardonable sin. The scars of all those years, the years in the midst of the illness—the scars of that pain filled night remain with me and my children. They blare like sirens reminding us that this world is broken. The scars remind us of the darkness. Only when you know the darkness, can you see the true light shining into that darkness with hope, joy, and love.
It was an agonizing moment for Mary Magdalene. Not only had they crucified Jesus; but, now the body was gone!! She could not leave the tomb—agonizing tears poured forth. Then Jesus, gently spoke. She turned and saw Him there!! He was alive!! He had risen from the grave!! Then came those words from Jesus. “Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet ascended to My Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I am ascending to My Father and your Father, and to My God and your God” (John 20:17 NKJV). What? Jesus, when resurrected did not rush to his throne to be with His Father. He knew that Mary’s Agony would be so great—He tarried a moment so He could comfort her first. Did you ever notice that? Yes, His resurrection means that once and for ever; He has the victory over death for all who believe. Yes, because of His death and resurrection; that same power that resurrected Jesus from the dead indwells every believer.
“4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us,5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus,7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2 NKJV)
It was many years until the agony of those years would ease. And certainly it was not the last heartbreak or sorrow I would face. The agony of knowing the scars that my children also would live with. The cancer I then battled, the ulcerative colitis, the multiple surgeries. So, now my body carries the scars as well as my heart. Yet, there is something that came out of all that agony. Out of the midst, when darkness would seem to swallow me—I could turn and see Jesus there. His words of comfort. So many tears stain the pages of my Bible. Yet, I have steadfast, unshakable joy overflowing from God Himself. Sorrow may come for a moment; but, it can never stay too long–because God arrives to comfort me. He fills my broken heart with His love. He gives strength to this scar covered body so I might rise each morning to seek Him. More than all that His words of love are written all through the pages of His word. One day I will see my husband again—whole, well; but, that joy will not compare to the joy of seeing my Savior. Oh, and my children? They know Christ as their Savior. That is the most important—it has been amazing to watch as God step by step transforms their lives by His will. I know they too will be filled with His love, His Joy, and His Glory as He completes His work in them.
Jesus tarried that day to comfort Mary. He tarries His return today to await one more soul to seek Him as their greatest treasure. Are you that soul?
The song I chose for you today Where Joy and Sorrow Meets
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.