Can Two Broken Vessels Ever Hope To Know Love?

 

“When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it. He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love. All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

It was April 2, 1979 that I married Pedro Barba, Jr. For me, that day was like a fairy tale dream come true. From our first date and I guess you could say until now, I was and will always be in love with Pete. Ours was a love whose history would forever change how I saw love. Indeed, God used Pete to teach me about sacrificial, unconditional love—a love that lives on, seeking always for the happiness of the Beloved. I know now, better than I could have understood then, that it was God who so richly blessed me that day. Our wedding was a very simple ceremony. Just Pete and I stood before the Birmingham Justice of the Peace. The Justice of the Peace paused a second and then asked, “Is it ok if I perform a Christian Ceremony?” With great joy, I proclaimed, “Yes!” It was as though God, Himself had reached down to tell me He was blessing this marriage.

For me, it was love at first sight; well, almost. Maybe more like love on first date. He was so handsome, charming, sophisticated and the smartest man I had ever met. There was no subject of which he was not well versed from medicine to classical music. After dinner, we had gone to watch a movie. There had been a scene in which a man had beaten a woman. Never would I forget what Pete said that night. “There is nothing worse or more despicable than a man who can hit or abuse a woman!” he proclaimed with such passion in his voice.

We dated a lot over the next few months. With each date, I fell more deeply in love with this man. There was just one thing I noticed. Beneath all the charm and debonair good looks, there was a tender heart that eluded a sadness deeper than anyone I had ever met. It as though I could see past all the walls and barriers he had built to protect his heart. In a way, that had drawn me even closer in. “If only he knew how special he was. If only he knew how much he was loved. Maybe then the sadness would go away.” At least that was what I believed with all my heart.

IF ONLY A GLIMPSE

My heart sunk deep into sadness and despair when December 26, 1977; he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. For the next three months, I made certain I went where I knew I might see him. There I would be dressed like a princess only to see him glance my way for a moment and then walk away. But, at least, I could see him. Like a lady, I never approached or embarrassed him by walking over. I told myself it was ok and that I was content just to know he was ok and was still a shining star in this world.

HOPE RENEWED

Four months later I was surprised when he called me to say he was going away to a surgical fellowship and wanted me to write him. He urged me that it was very important he hear from me every week. So, faithfully I wrote every week for the next 6 months. Rarely did I hear back. Then, suddenly out of nowhere, he called to say he must see me. Dropping everything, I drove to Birmingham. Once there, he was kind; but, elusive. He took me to dinner, to parties with his friends; yet, said little as to what had been so urgent. He had confided that week that he was in search of “Being and Nothingness” by Sartre. On my drive home, I stopped at a book store, found a copy and mailed it to him.

SURPRISED BY LOVE

Three months later, he called me on the phone to ask me to marry him. Very clearly, I asked him if he had been drinking as it was late at night when he called. He said, yes. So I replied, “Then if you still want to ask me tomorrow when you are sober; I will answer you then.” He did and I said yes. That was mid-December, 1978. Oddly enough, he had never said, “I love you.” I was just happy he had chosen me to be his bride. It would be July 1994 before I heard those words, “I love you.”

A JOURNEY TO DISCOVER TRUE LOVE

I was about to embark on a journey to discovering the truth of love. Beyond a shadow of doubt, I know that God was there every step of the way. Every treacherous raven, every tear stained pillow, and every dark lonely night were going to be needed to pass through before realizing the depth, breadth, and height of true love. Two very broken vessels were united on April 2, 1979. It would take a miracle of God’s Grace to transform both hearts into the vessels of love He had intended from the beginning of creation. Vessels who could receive His love fully. Then from the abundance of His love out flows a pure love for each other. We were never meant to “seek fulfillment of our own needs from another person.” We were to find fulfillment in God alone and then, as whole complete beings love the other with sincere, unconditional love like the Heavenly Father has for us.

FIRST THREE LESSONS OF LOVE:

1. “Love seeketh not its own” (I Corinthians 13:5). Love is concerned with the happiness of the beloved more than themselves. It loves because it sees the depth of beauty within the beloved. Real love is willing to sacrifice one’s own happiness for the sake of the beloved’s happiness.  Was this not the kind of love God demonstrated toward us? God gave His only son to die on the cross, so that we might be saved. He, for a moment in time, gave up that which was His perfect joy and delight, so that we might find our happiness in His love toward us.

2. “Love is from God…for God is Love” (I John 4:7-8). As much as we would like to think that we understand love, we are incapable to true love without the grace of God. Even, the love we see in this broken world displayed by broken vessels such as we are; is there to draw us toward God. It is an act of His common Grace so that we might long to know more of love and thereby come to know Him. There is no hope of love were it not for His Grace shining forth glimpses of love in this broken world.

3. Love Sees the Beauty in the Beloved “yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved” (Song of Soloman 5:16)  The beauty of the beloved does not diminish, even when they are not yours. [bctt tweet=” True love does not suddenly see the beloved as unlovely because they have walked away.”]

“Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

[bctt tweet=”Only God can take two broken vessels arriving with all their baggage and weave a story of love. “] I don’t know where you are in your search for love; but, I urge you to seek God first. I would love to hear from you.  You may leave your comments below or email me through my contact page above.

The song I chose for you today is Everlasting Love by CeCe Winans

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.