“Death and life are in the power of the tongue” Proverbs 18:21…An unbridled tongue “is full of deadly poison” (James 3:8)
What incredible grace it was that God reached down and touched the heart of a 5 year old. He knew what trials lay before this child. He knew what sorrows would befall her. He even knew every time she would fail. Yet, He reached down and touched her heart; revealing the truth of salvation. My clearest memory of age 5 was accepting Christ as my Savior while Dr. M. R. Dehaan’s voice boomed from the kitchen radio. What Grace that God looked down the corridors of my life and chose to reveal Himself clearly to this little 5 year old at the start of her journey. He knew the perils that lay before me. He took my hand that day to never let go!!
When Charlie left for grade school, I was left behind on the farm. Though he really did not want to go, I longed to go to school. I sat every evening as mom tutored Charlie like a little sponge taking in every bit of knowledge I could. It was with great excitement and joy that finally a year later I was also going to school. I knew little about the perils that lay ahead for a child who had such a tender heart. I had gained a lot of weight that year. I entered school overweight and with a speech impediment. Quickly, I became the one that others teased and made fun of every day. I managed every day to spill my lunch onto my dress to make matters even worse. Top student in my class, I could answer all the questions, was in advanced reading and math; yet, no one liked me. To add to my despair, I was very sensitive to the pain of others. There was another little boy who was also overweight but did not seem to understand the teacher’s instructions. Every day he got spanked for something. Everyday my heart broke. It broke from watching what I felt was injustice. I wanted to scream, “He doesn’t understand, please don’t hit him.” Still, my voice was silent.
SPIRALING DOWNWARD
One day, I noticed the most popular boy in the class had colored inside his desk. I thought it looked so beautiful that I did the same. The teacher noticed that I had colored in my desk. The teacher spanked me that day and made me stay inside during recess to clean my desk. Perhaps for some children, it wouldn’t have created such a spiral downward. Yet, for me; it was almost more than my little heart could bear. I was so filled with shame, guilt, and remorse. I had only wanted someone to like me. I vowed that the incident must be kept secret. It must be hid. When some adult would ask, “Ever gotten spanked?” Loudly, I would protest “No, never.” Then, the guilt of that lie burdened my soul. I began to worry about what God thought of me, a liar. I memorized scriptures. I studied God’s word. I would quote the 23rd Psalms in an attempt to calm my fears. Yet, I didn’t fully understand grace. I was barely six and beginning to equate love to performance. To make matters worse, I found out for the first time that my first name was Effie. My whole life I had been called Darlene at home. My grandmother was named Effie. Over and over, I had heard my mother say how much she hated Effie. Suddenly, I found out I was Effie. I was named after the person my mother hated most. Deeper into a pit of despair I fell.
SURROUNDED BY DESTRUCTIVE WORDS AND SORROW
Mom and Daddy fought a lot. That is mom screamed, yelled and even threw things; while, daddy sat silently with a long, sad face. I wanted to run to him and hug him; but, I didn’t. I was afraid to.
Second grade came and with it I had hoped to perhaps have a second chance. Then, I overheard my teacher say, “So, sad. She is so smart-top of the class; but, look at her. She will never amount to anything. She is too overweight and homely to ever succeed.” She was talking about me!!
ONE KIND WORD BROUGHT HOPE
Out of the darkness, God sent a ray of shining light. As we went out to the playground to jump rope, one of the little girls laughed and said, “Pretty first, fat last.” Then came the voice of another little girl, “Pretty is as pretty does. Darlene goes first.” Wow!! I have never forgotten what Toni did that day. Suddenly, I had seen true grace in action.[bctt tweet=” The kind words of one child gave me hope so that I might one day grow to give you hope today. “]Two important lessons I learned that day.
1. Love is always kind. (I Corinthians 13:4; Luke 6:35-36)
2. Justice must be brave enough to speak light into a dark world. (Acts 4: 29-31, Ephesians 3:11-13, Philippians 1:20)
It would take most of my lifetime to begin to understand the depth, height, and breadth of God’s love for me. Most of my lifetime, I remained buried with guilt, shame and those feelings that love came only if I could earn it. Little did I realize or understand love. I was determined to do everything in my power to earn it someday.
WHAT BARRIERS TO LOVE DO YOU HAVE?
I am not certain what baggage or barriers to love you are carrying with you today. Do you feel that you are constantly struggling to “earn love”? I don’t want you to have to go through all that I did to discovering that love is a gift of God. I cannot do anything to earn it; nor, can I do anything that will destroy it. (As you will see over this series, God’s love remained even though I seemingly failed God over and over.) Now, I am so overwhelmed and awed by His Love in me; that I just want to shout with joy. I desire to serve Him because I love Him and I love Him because He first loved me. God never gave up!! Patiently, gently He guided every step of my journey. He even allowed the stumbling; knowing that He was going to teach me the truth of love. Only then could I begin to love others with a love that draws them to Him, my first love.
PERFECT EVERLASTING LOVE CAN BE YOURS
“ 18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love 19 We love him, because he first loved us” (I John 4)
God wants to perfect His Love in you. What are you afraid of, today? Are you afraid your heart will be broken? Are you afraid that you can’t measure up? Are you afraid that no one will ever truly love you? Those were my fears. Please, take my hand and learn of God’s everlasting love.
“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee” (Jeremiah 31:3).
CONCLUDING THOUGHT
One final question!! What kind word can you speak to someone today to bring them hope? [bctt tweet=”You never know how your one word of kindness can change the world one day!!”]
The song I chose for you today is Speak Life
Photo by permission of Cathy Yeulet via http://www.123rf.com/profile_stockbroker
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.