I will love them freely (Hosea 14:4) Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore, with loving kindness have I drawn thee. (Jeremiah 31:3)
Where is the faith to sustain us when the bitter cold of winter strikes again deep into our valleys of life? We want so much to believe that because we obeyed God’s command that we deserve some great reward for our feeble act of valor! We so quickly lose sight of the truth that we are incapable of any act of faith had it not been for God’s great mercy and grace reaching down to enlighten our hearts to seek Him. At the end of so many heartbreaks, so many health struggles, so many surgeries, financial ruin, and so many trials; I kept waiting for my life to suddenly become restored like Job’s was. Hadn’t I been faithful to follow after God through many devastating trials? I had obeyed when He commanded I stay with Pete. I had obeyed when He bid me to go to Florida. I had obeyed when He asked me to leave Florida and return to Missouri. I knew that God had orchestrated it all; so now, I awaited His next command which I was certain would suddenly flourish me in all.
When I pulled into Columbia with my big U-Haul truck and my car hitched onto the trailer behind, I rejoiced. God had been faithful to get me safely here through some areas of snow and ice. Alberto and several friends came to unload my truck and place all the boxes inside the new home Alberto had bought for me. That, in itself had been a humbling experience. Certainly I would be paying the mortgage; but along with the move, I had lost my home. I had markedly downsized my possessions. There was some sadness in the loss. Yet, they were only material possessions and mattered little in the scheme of eternity. It wasn’t the first time I had laid aside my home and possessions; yet, a part of me hoped it was the last. As a parent, I wanted to be the one who always gave to my children. This time, I was receiving. Emotionally that was very hard for me. Maybe, just maybe; that was what God knew about me. It was even hard for me to receive His gifts, His love, and His joy. A part of me needed to feel that I was the one giving to God—through sacrifice, through sorrow and through whatever feeble act of obedience.
The day after I arrived came a huge ice storm, followed by heavy snow. God had arranged my arrival with perfect timing. That winter was the worst winter that Missouri had for many years. God needed to deal with the winter within my own heart. Over the next 6 months I was unable to find a second job; and, only worked part time. At work there were many obstacles I had not anticipated which forced me to question God, “Why?” Beyond all that, there was that emptiness where the dream of “Prince Charming” had once lived. That dream had been laid to rest; but, I had not replaced it—so it remained like some hollow pit within my heart. None of this got any easier when I made the arrangements to fly Mom in to stay. She had been in rehab in Florida. Now she was coming to live with me again.
A TRUTH OF LOVE I STILL NEEDED TO LEARN
In order to love freely, I needed to learn how to graciously receive love. What? Hadn’t that been what I wanted all along? Of course it was; but, I wanted to earn it. I wanted to earn it from God and I wanted to earn it from others. There is a big problem with that!! I spent all my time trying to measure up. When I didn’t get the response I thought I should, I then would retreat into a cocoon. In other words, I didn’t give love freely either. I gave, wanting to earn love in return. It was impossible for my mind to conceive that anyone could love me just for who I was. I constantly had to be earning that love. That in turn becomes a vicious cycle. So it is, in order to truly give love unconditionally without expectation; I needed to learn how to receive God’s unconditional love of me. I needed to learn how to receive the love of others freely as well.
FAITH AND LOVE COLLIDE
That is why my faith waivered and faltered at times as well. If I never could fully accept God’s love of me as being free; then, I couldn’t accept the truth that He has promised me His best when His best may include valleys of growth. Whenever the winter’s bitter cold would come, I tried to beat myself up for what must have been my own failure. God’s love must have grown cold because of my own failure to earn it. Do you see the vicious cycle? In that cycle faith depended on my performance, not on God’s Grace. I certainly did not know how to receive love. Not from my children, not from mom, not from friends and not from God. Because I didn’t know how to receive love; I didn’t really know how to truly love either. God still had a lot of work to do in this heart. Praise God, He never gave up on me. He loved me with an everlasting love; even when, I couldn’t understand it.
God was about to turn my world around once more. This time, He was going to send someone who would teach me the truth of love. But that is another day’s story to tell.
CONCLUSION:
What barriers to receiving love do you face today? Are you still striving to earn God’s love? Does your faith in God’s promises wax and wane with the circumstances of life? [bctt tweet=”Our victory over sin can only come when we “know the truth of His unconditional love.”” username=”effiedarlene”] It is never the other way around. It is never I “clean up myself” so He will love me. Instead, because He loves me; my heart overflows toward Him. Then and only then can I reflect back to Him His own perfect love and Glory.
The song I chose for you today is Grace to Grace
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.