3 Lessons About Love from The Battlegrounds of Cancer

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love…and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God.  Ephesians 3: 17,19

This series has been about searching for the truth of love. At least, my journey in that search. Life hits us at times with hurricane force winds and we feel that we can barely hold on. Yet, in the end it is love that holds us firmly in place. Much like a young tree that has withstood heavy winds of time whose roots have sunk deeper with each trying wind. Each trial in this life can become the means that we sink our roots a little deeper into the firm foundation of love. “God is love” (I John 4:8). So, it is that even my cancer had its place in my journey to discovering the truths of love. It was like that hurricane wind forcing me to dig my roots ever deeper into the only foundation that could hold me—God’s love; while at the same time forcing me to face the lessons along this journey that would ultimately lead me to discovering the splendor, beauty and joy of knowing love.

As you may remember from the previous writings, I had learned the truth of sacrificial, unconditional love from my marriage with Pete. Yet, love in its fullness has many more aspects as I still was going to need to learn along my journey. When Pete’s earthly death had ripped him from my arms, there was left a gaping void in my heart which I daresay was more evident because I now must face the next lessons of love. Love is strong enough to withstand was one of those lessons. My love for my children pushed me forward through the battle against cancer. God in that gave me a small glimpse of the strength of His love for me which endured so much more than I would ever have to endure as Jesus died on the cross to cover my sins. There were many more lessons left to learn to even begin to know all the complexities, the magnificent beauty of God’s love in us—the real truth of love which can then out pour into rivers of joyous love in our lives.

LOVE’S SEARCH

Love is that which we most search for. To love and to know that we are loved. Yet, because of sin we are born with hearts that are broken. In Christ, we are given new life, new hearts. Our pilgrimage journey here is to transform us so that we can begin to see all of the beauty and wonder of God’s love—every aspect. Only then will be able to truly understand the beauty of God’s love and His Glory.

DISCOVERING TWO ENEMIES OF LOVE

The cancer, the physical scars, the weight gain, the pain, and the fatigue that came in this battle forced me to at least begin the confrontation of my next two enemies of knowing love’s fullness of joy: anger and self-criticism. Those two will interweave along my journey for several years; as I seemed to be a slow learner. Fortunately, God is a very patient teacher. Just as we watch Jesus with his apostles, so has God been with me.

SELF-CRITICISM

So, regarding the self-criticism; I had to begin by imagining myself holding that obese, stuttering child of 6 while comforting her. The second thing I had to do was to imagine the person in the mirror as if she were a patient of mine in the hospital. This gave me enough love to step forward; although, I would continue to battle self-criticism for a few more years.  Still, the battle had to begin somewhere.  Our own self-criticism is a major barrier in our ability to love fully. Our need to be validated becomes so strong that we are unable to believe that another really loves us. Certainly, we must see our faults and failures so that we may grow from them; but, we cannot stay there continuously beating ourselves as an act of self-flagellation. Self-flagellation was a religious act of beating oneself with a whip as part of repentance that was at one time practiced in the Catholic Church (although later condemned by the church) and is also a part of Islamic rituals. Well, too many of us still practice emotional self-flagellation instead of truly accepting and embracing the grace which has been bestowed on us.

ANGER

Anger was what I still would not allow myself to acknowledge, really. That would take many years to truly confront my own heart as to its anger with myself and my anger with God. Ok, I know it was really foolish to be angry with God; but, sometimes we in our lack of understanding are. Truth is all anger that we feel is in a way against God for allowing the broken things in our lives. Until we realize that and lay that at the foot of the cross to ask for healing, anger lurks there in the back ground ready to spring forth. That would be many more years for me to understand; yet, for the moment of the cancer it was easier to focus those angry thoughts against Terry. You may have wondered, “Where was Terry in all of battle against cancer?” I asked myself that same question over and over. The truth is multifaceted. I was so busy fighting so many battles as I waged war on this cancer and the side effects of chemotherapy, that I did not have any energy left to even care about what Terry needed. So, it was easier to just be angry with him.

SO WHAT WERE THE THREE LESSONS OF LOVE I LEARNED FROM CANCER?

1. Love was foundational strength to undergird me in every battle of life. Ultimately, it was God’s love for me that would be my strength. He gave me a glimpse of His Glorious love by letting me love my children enough to fight for my life.

2. To really be able to love freely; I needed to learn how to see myself through God’s eyes of Grace. I needed to learn how to graciously love myself with all my brokenness, all my frailties; before I could truly love another without expectations. Cancer started me on that road; but, I still would have a long way to go.

3. To be able to truly love I would have to acknowledge the truths of my anger. The anger I did not want to believe even existed—the anger that smoldered deep inside my heart would one day burst into flames before I could truly pour the waters of grace and love over it to put it out.

CONCLUSION

What enemies of love are you facing today? What battles are you facing today? Every trial we face on this pilgrimage journey have purpose. They are to point us toward seeing the magnificent glory of God’s love in all its splendor and our trials will become that fountain of love overflowing from our hearts to point others along our path toward God. God is a very gracious, loving Father who is very patient in His teaching us along the way. I know that because He has never given up on me.

[bctt tweet=”God can use the ashes from our greatest trials to display to us the joy and splendor of His Love.” username=”effiedarlene”]

[bctt tweet=”Know this God will never let go of you; even, when you feel you cannot breath or all alone. ” username=”effiedarlene”]The song I chose for you to day is He Will Not Let Go

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©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.