Category: Christian Blog

Can Love Really Endure All Things, Clinging To Hope?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

What happens when you become the person you swore never to become!! For Pete that day came too quickly. Our marriage had its ups and downs from the beginning. The little girl who hated conflict trying always to please. The little boy always afraid of becoming vulnerable if he showed love. Both of us filled with our own fears, dreams, and baggage.

Pete dreamed big. Would invest all his hopes in a new job, new adventure. He would pour all of his heart into that. Always there would arise some conflict, some difficulty and then he would fall into near despair. Out of the perceived ashes of that job, he would determine that we would move. Life would be better just around the corner. We began a journey of moving about every 6 to 8 months. A bit unusual for a doctor in that time period.

pete and i 001
Ready to leave for Mexico–March 1980.

One of those moves came right after Alberto was born. This time we were moving to Mexico. We had packed up our trucks and traveled from Florida to the Brownsville border. Pete’s father had come to meet us there. Pete needed his help to make the final arrangements to get our stuff moved to Pachuca. That afternoon, Pete slapped me. Stunned, I stepped back and withdrew into silent despair. He looked with horror. Then he burst into tears; swearing he would never do that again.

Continue reading “Can Love Really Endure All Things, Clinging To Hope?”

How to Rewrite a Painful Past with Grace and Love

Couples arrive each carrying their own set of luggage. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with beautiful memories, traditions, and beliefs that will strengthen the new couple. Sometimes, that luggage is filled with fears, pains, sorrows and traditions which only injure. Broken vessels often have shards of glass that can cut open wounds. A single word can set off a cascade of painful memories from the past; ripping open wounds that had never healed. Sometimes those memories can set off a chain of reactions filled with anger, fear, and hate.

Pete age 21

Pete and I had arrived with all our baggage. Piece by piece over the course of years, we began unpacking our rags of brokenness. Were it not for God’s Grace and intervening hand of love; we could not have survived. Yet, God had a perfect plan of love for both of us. He was about to change the eternity of Pete; while, at the same time step by step, piece by piece transform my heart into one that could see God’s love, forgiveness, and joy clearly.

Continue reading “How to Rewrite a Painful Past with Grace and Love”

Can Two Broken Vessels Ever Hope To Know Love?

 

“When we see the face of God we shall know that we have always known it. He has been a party to, has made, sustained and moved moment by moment within, all our earthly experiences of innocent love. All that was true love in them was, even on earth, far more His than ours, and ours only because His.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

It was April 2, 1979 that I married Pedro Barba, Jr. For me, that day was like a fairy tale dream come true. From our first date and I guess you could say until now, I was and will always be in love with Pete. Ours was a love whose history would forever change how I saw love. Indeed, God used Pete to teach me about sacrificial, unconditional love—a love that lives on, seeking always for the happiness of the Beloved. I know now, better than I could have understood then, that it was God who so richly blessed me that day. Our wedding was a very simple ceremony. Just Pete and I stood before the Birmingham Justice of the Peace. The Justice of the Peace paused a second and then asked, “Is it ok if I perform a Christian Ceremony?” With great joy, I proclaimed, “Yes!” It was as though God, Himself had reached down to tell me He was blessing this marriage.

Two Broken Vessels Unite
ONLY GOD CAN TAKE TWO BROKEN VESSELS TO WEAVE A STORY OF LOVE

For me, it was love at first sight; well, almost. Maybe more like love on first date. He was so handsome, charming, sophisticated and the smartest man I had ever met. There was no subject of which he was not well versed from medicine to classical music. After dinner, we had gone to watch a movie. There had been a scene in which a man had beaten a woman. Never would I forget what Pete said that night. “There is nothing worse or more despicable than a man who can hit or abuse a woman!” he proclaimed with such passion in his voice.

Continue reading “Can Two Broken Vessels Ever Hope To Know Love?”

How to See Sin through the Eyes of God

 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:And that he might make known the riches of his glory on the vessels of mercy, which he had afore prepared unto glory… As he saith …I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.  Romans 9:22-25

Before we move on to the next era in my life’s search for love, I feel I must linger for a moment more on the subject of sin. If God is Sovereign over my life; then, how does He respond to my sin? Has He allowed my sin? Couldn’t He have stopped me? That is what I pleaded for?  Then why did He not stop me? Why did He not stop Peter from denying Christ? He told Him that it would happen. Peter pleaded “no.” Yet, instead of stopping Peter from sinning; Jesus prayed for Peter, “that thy (Peter’s) faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren”  (Luke 22:32).

What Satan Means For Evil

Then the question that comes to mind is “Does God then ordain sin? After all He is Sovereign, didn’t He ordain the crucifixion of Christ which was the worst atrocity of sin ever enacted by mankind?” Yet, the answer is clearly “No!” God is not the author of sin; yet, God holds His hand steady—withdrawing for a moment His Immediate Judgement so that the ultimate result will still be His Glory displayed and the good of the Beloved. Complex, difficult thought; however, please let me present my feeble attempt to explain as best as my human brain can comprehend. So, let’s dive in to try to answer this question. This can transform your Christian walk to one of Joyous Victory in Christ.  I wish I had known this way back then.

Continue reading “How to See Sin through the Eyes of God”

Pride, Grace, Guilt, Love-How Does Faith Ever Win?

 

“ For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life”               (Titus 3)

Restless nights in prayer I have pondered on how to continue telling you the next step in my journey toward discovering the truth of love. It would be so easy for me to tell you how desperately miserable I was, how I worked two jobs while finishing high school, how the church failed me, mom failed me, and how no one came to rescue me. I could tell you how an 18 year old ended up in the hospital with atrial fibrillation and elevated blood sugar from stress. I could tell you of how I stuttered—unable to speak clearly once more. Truth is I sinned—no excuses.  So, what happened?  Pride got in the way. The doctor I worked for told me, “You can’t go on like this. You need to get a divorce and restart your life.” My reply? “No, it can’t happen. I cannot fail.” Famous last words? Sounds a lot like Peter, “Even if everyone else fails you Lord, I won’t” (Mark 14:29). Not me! I could never do that!

mountaintop-experiences-in-the-valley-ronald-barba

I wish I could tell you that I had stopped praying or reading my Bible. At least then, I had some excuse why I slipped away into sin. No, indeed my Bible study and prayer escalated in intensity as I determined that “I” would prove myself worthy of God’s love. Somehow I could and would perform well enough to earn God’s love. I wouldn’t fail like “them.” Ah, but you see. There it was lurking deep within, that self-exalting heart. By the fall of 1973, only months after my graduation; I was in an adulterous affair and pregnant. All the way there, I would like Peter say, “I would never.” But I did. The church told me to leave and not return. The hospital told me to either have an abortion or resign because the baby was half Mexican. (By the way, abortions were illegal). Instead, I got divorced and married the father of my baby. We left for Florida. Did God abandon me? No.

Continue reading “Pride, Grace, Guilt, Love-How Does Faith Ever Win?”