This past week my laptop computer died, despite my having spent money upgrade it and save it a few months back. Perhaps it wouldn’t have mattered. After all I have my mainframe; but it is in my room and the early mornings when I write it isn’t always available as grandchildren are sleeping in my bed. Then of course, there are the times I go on a trip. I was supposed to go to California to see my daughter, but as the trip approached it appeared a bad idea. With all the Covid Restrictions changing so fast, I could be stuck in LA and not able to come back to work. So, change of plans. Still would need a laptop. So, I ordered one to arrive on December 24. So, what if it didn’t? Would I really trust God even so?
Sounds silly right? But on the 24th I received a notice that the laptop was there, delivered on my front doorstep. So, I rushed to the porch to find nothing there. I searched everywhere as a feeling of despair and panic hit me. From somewhere deep within me, I wanted to scream. I opened my phone again to the announcement and the address was right; but still no package and there was a notice telling me I would have to wait three days before reporting it missing. Rushing around, I checked every corner as though it would magically appear. The entire time I was asking God, Why? I began walking up and down the street scanning the porches of all my neighbors to no avail.
Oh, yes, I knew that even in this trivial thing, God IS IN CONTROL. But the question is, did I really trust God even so and what if?
WHAT IF?
I truly wish that I could say, that panicked person walking up and down the street with such pitiful faith wasn’t like me. But, really, truly it is just like me. I, who have seen the Glorious, miraculous grace of God touch so many areas of my life, panicked over something so unimportant. Perhaps, just the overflowing of things so much deeper. This past year at times have been a great struggle for me. Holding fast to my faith, despite the situations surrounding. Wondering where the revival of hearts during the pandemic is? For, I truly saw none. Bleeding deep within my heart as I watched anger, hatred, and evil drive our nation—feeling helpless. Wanting to do something, anything of significance to bring light into a world that seemed to be darkening. And yet, at times, powerless to even forgive and love those God placed nearest.
And so, it is, the package was not the issue. My heart and my faith are. Well, while walking up the street for the second time. I saw a man get out of a white pickup truck wearing a brown UPS shirt and shorts. He got a package out of the back and handed it to a neighbor. Nearly assaulting the poor man with tears in my eyes and pin curls in my hair, I rushed up with my phone. Pleading with him as to whether he knew where I package could me, I showed him the notice. He looked at me and said, “the computer has been off all day. I have to go get more packages and will be right back with yours.”
Really trusting God, even so!
It has been a long year. And, even worse, for me has been a sinking feeling of abandonment since the election. Oh, yes, I know in my head that God has a perfect plan to display His Glory even in all this what if scenario. It encourages me so that so many have so unashamedly begun a revival movement, speaking freely of God’s power, love and might. What a pandemic could not do, an election has begun to do. And so, I go on this trip, alone—God me and my car to Washington, DC to pray. Not so much that God turn the election upside down; but rather God transform my heart once more into one that can shine His light to the world no what if.
So, yesterday as I drove, I listened to Renaissance by Os Guinness. I stopped in Myrtle Beach where I have an oceanfront view and watched the Sunrise. Marveling at the greatness and goodness of God I read,
Psalm 103
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
6 The Lord works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
15 The life of mortals is like grass,
they flourish like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting
the Lord’s love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children’s children—
18 with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The Lord has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the Lord, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
21 Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the Lord, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
ONLY GOD
God knows the future and holds it in the palm of His hands. Only He can transform the hearts of men and bring peace into our chaos. He is the only true source of joy and hope in a world so filled with evil. He has a plan amid all this. I need my heart to be ready for whatever comes. So that I may fully surrendered to Him, become a beacon of light on a hill for the world to see HIM. So, regardless of what if, I can truly trust God even so.
DO YOU KNOW CHRIST AS YOUR SAVIOR AND LORD?
If you don’t know Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord: I urge you to go to my page titled How to Be Saved by clicking on this link. There is nothing more important than this; because He is the way, the truth and the life. Therefore, I urge you to seek Him today.
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Disclosures
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2020
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. Furthermore, I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned except for my own books. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.