Here I am Lord, Send Me

"One Sabbath morning, I preached from the text, ‘My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken Me?’ and though I did not say so, yet I preached my own experience. I heard my own chains clank while I tried to preach to my fellow-prisoners in the dark; but I could not tell why I was brought into such an awful horror of darkness, for which I condemned myself. On the following Monday evening, a man came to see me who bore all the marks of despair upon his countenance. His hair seemed to stand up right, and his eyes were ready to start from their sockets. He said to me, after a little parleying, ‘I never before, in my life, heard any man speak who seemed to know my heart. Mine is a terrible case; but on Sunday morning you painted me to the life, and preached as if you had been inside my soul.’ By God’s grace I saved that man from suicide, and led him into gospel light and liberty; but I know I could not have done it if I had not myself been confined in the dungeon in which he lay. I tell you the story, brethren, because you sometimes may not understand your own experience, and the perfect people may condemn you for having it; but what know they of God’s servants? You and I have to suffer much for the sake of the people of our charge … You may be in Egyptian darkness, and you may wonder why such a horror chills your marrow; but you may be altogether in the pursuit of your calling, and be led of the Spirit to a position of sympathy with desponding minds" Charles Spurgeon

As pointed out by Charles Spurgeon, those who are called to preach or to teach of Christ are called to be willing to undergo moments of great sorrow and burden.  Sometimes, God allows the preacher or teacher to undergo seasons or moments of great pain as He lays the emotional burdens of another upon them so they can teach.  This usually occurs prior to meeting the other person which causes the preacher/teacher to wonder and doubt as to why they suddenly feel so alone or so burdened or so laden with guilt.  As they struggle with their own lack of faith and grasp hold of the scripture with great passion, they are then able to speak or write with the greater sensitivity and the connection is made with the other.  This does not mean that to teach to a prostitute, I must become a prostitute or to help a drunkard I must become one; rather, it is even more complex because I may be placed in a situation where it appears the only way out–yet, grace steps in and prevails before falling.  Extreme example?  Ok, more realistic, I may be turmoil-ed with inner conflict and feel as though God has deserted me; yet, in my search and hunger to feel His abiding presence again I write something that helps someone else–can I see His mighty Hand Working through my sorrow?  Perhaps, every illness that I have suffered is so that I might help another find Christ in the midst of their suffering illness.  We need be thankful to all those servants of God who are willing to suffer great trials and sorrow so as to be teachers for Christ.  Particularly those whose lives have lived out such an example of following Christ, never compromising such as Charles Stanley, Alistair Begg, Michael Youssef, David Jeremiah, and John Piper, to name a few.  I wish that my entire life were an example that I could be proud of; but, perhaps that too was allowed that I couldn’t be proud in me and only cling to God’s Mercy to this His child.   Still my hearts desire is to be able to say with Paul, "14 Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.

15 But I have used none of these things: neither have I written these things, that it should be so done unto me: for it were better for me to die, than that any man should make my glorying void.

16 For though I preach the gospel, I have nothing to glory of: for necessity is laid upon me; yea, woe is unto me, if I preach not the gospel!

17 For if I do this thing willingly, I have a reward: but if against my will, a dispensation of the gospel is committed unto me.

18 What is my reward then? Verily that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge, that I abuse not my power in the gospel.

19 For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more"

Lord, let my life display you.  Anything that could mar your name; please rip it from my heart.  Let me seek your face always.  Here I am, Lord, Send Me.

Isaiah 6: 8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcxOkht8w7c