Psalm 139
1O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.
2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off.
3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways.
4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether.
5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me.
6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it.
7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence?
8If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.
9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;
10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me.
12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee.
13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb.
14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.
15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.
17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.
19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men.
20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee?
22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
So I am back home. The pain was probably a kidney stone which I passed and the hernias are ok to wait. Yet, such an incredible God who by this redirected my next two weeks. I finished reading “The Hidden Smile of God” by John Piper. I was so reminded of what was important in this life. This is perhaps best said by John Bunyan in “Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners”
“I was made to see that if ever I would suffer rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that can be properly called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, my wife, my children, my health, my enjoyment, and all, as dead to me and myself as dead to them. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible, as Paul said in another place; the way not to faint, is to look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal" If I truly believe the truth—God is Sovereign and Omnipotent—then nothing enters my life as His child but He ordain it and if He ordain it then it is an expression of His love. He ordains the pain, the suffering, the heartaches and even allows my failures to ultimately bring me into His fullness of Joy—dependent on nothing else but Him. Additionally it will bring Glory to His name; which is my only true purpose and desire in this life. Can I lay down my children, my desires, my health, my free time, my fatigue, my hopes, my finances and my dreams at the foot of His cross. Do I eagerly pick up whatever cross He choose for me to bear and patiently carry it with His Face of Glory ever before me? That is what I truly want and desire. So these two weeks off I will spend seeking His face, cleaning my house while listening to His words, and work on the book I am writing called “A Broken and Contrite Heart” I will leave the finances to God and not going in to work “Code Stemi”. This is what He asked for me to do, and I will trust His Hand of Love. Oh, that I might remember this, nothing else matters but to Glorify Him.
Love, Effie Darlene Barba