As we come to the next part in Proverbs, I would like to take a moment to address multiple scriptures which are repeated by Solomon on various occasions through Proverbs concerning discipline. So let us look at some of the verses concerning discipline, compare the rod spoken of to the shepherd’s rod, look at this from the perspective that Solomon may have seen from his own life story, and end with the love of our heavenly Father displayed in His hand of discipline.
Proverbs 13 (NIV) “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
Proverbs 23: 13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.
Many heated arguments occur over these very verses between those who support spanking as the only biblical means of discipline versus those who might wish to believe otherwise. These arguments seem to surround; yet, never address the real issue of parenting.
We are to teach, train, guide and correct our children by teaching them the truth of the gospel and by living forth examples that they may follow. If we say one thing and do another, they are more likely to do as we do than to do as we say.
Yes, they must learn that our actions have consequences and that we all are accountable for our actions. Discipline is a must; although, hitting a child because we are frustrated, because we can’t be bothered with listening to their thoughts or because we cannot think of a better means of punishment is not truly disciplining in love either. So, let’s look at the “rod” used by our great shepherd.
Psalm 23: (NIV) “ Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
The rod was not used by the shepherd to beat his sheep; rather, it was a guide. At times he needed to gently tap and guide them with it. There were moments when a sheep might have been heading toward danger that the shepherd would hurl the rod through the air so that it would land on either the right or the left of the sheep to startle it into turning away from the danger. The staff was used to destroy approaching enemy that could harm the sheep. We, like our great shepherd, are to guide our children and to protect them from danger. Discipline needs to be firm; yet, we must be willing to also listen and acknowledge when we are wrong or we have been too quick too judge. We cannot let discipline be a substitute for being too busy to listen or spend time.
Another point, I do believe we need to look at when reading these scriptures was Solomon’s life. During his life, he had watched as David refused to punish his son Amnon for having raped his half-sister (one of David’s own daughters). The text read, “because he loved him.” As time went by, the sorrow and depression of that daughter weighed heavily upon her brother Absalom. He then devised a plan and killed his half-brother Amnon. Absalom ran to exile; however, David pardoned him and he returned. It was apparent that his respect for his father was gone and David let him get by with a lot more until ultimately he turned the people of Israel against David for a time. Solomon had watched as his father, though King had failed to discipline his own children. Both Amnon and Absalom should have been beaten for their crimes; yet, David overlooked their wrong and let it go. We are not talking about “beating” a child; but, punishing teenage and adult children who should have been held accountable as any other citizen should have under the King’s rule. David thought it was “love” that prevented his punishing his sons; but, instead a true love might have saved their life instead. Was David afraid of what they might think of him or the accusations they might have hurled? After all, he remembered all too well his own sins of the past.
So, what are we to do as parents?
1. Take the time to know each child, nothing replaces real attention. Be ready to always listen. It is the only way to know and see their heart so you can guide it toward Jesus. Remember they are more important than some TV show, spending hours with friends, and some personal project—you will have time for those later.
2. Discipline is essential. Rules must be in place and exact punishments for breaking those rules established and exacted. Making certain they are well understood beforehand.
3. Live by example. Put God first. Demonstrate your own need to obey the heavenly Father and admit when you fail. Demonstrate your repentance before God and your desire to please Him in all that you do and say.
4. Teach them the gospel. Tell them about sin’s power, it’s destruction, and the ultimate death that it brings. Tell them about Christ taking our punishment for us on the cross and His desire to transform us into His image of Righteousness. Show them true joy, hope, love and peace are found only in Him.
5. Pray, a lot and then trust God to guide you as you raise your children. This is one of the future graces He has promised.
Remember this, God loves us too much to leave us where He found us. He is forever reshaping, molding, sifting, polishing, guiding, and correcting us so that we may become the vessels he intended us to be. Shouldn’t we do the same for our children?
Listen to A Mother’s Prayer
Keith & Kristyn Getty, Moya Brennan – A Mother’s Prayer
© 2014 Effie Darlene Barba
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to any brands, products or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides regarding the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”