Power-filled Positive Thinking—Chapter 11A-Enlightened by God’s Wisdom
Suddenly I awoke at 4 am with the excruciating abdominal pain—well I say awoke as the night had been so filled with restlessness I am uncertain I had even slept. Scurrying toward the bathroom to begin this morning’s ordeal of severe pain, bloody diarrhea and no sleep. Ulcerative Colitis had become my constant, unwanted and uninvited companion since the summer of 1999 and now it was July, 2000 with no hope of remission. Despite high dose steroids, constant medications, cortisone enemas, suppositories and every possible dietary restriction I could place—nothing would slow it down and every morning at 4 am it ran a 4 hour cycle of severe pain and trips to the bathroom. These morning ordeals had begun with a fury shorty after I had finished the chemotherapy for breast cancer and had been a daily occurrence ever since. The steroids had severely affected my body as well. My leg muscles were too weak to carry my body up a stairs and I would have to pull myself up the stairs clinging tight to the rails. Sleep was not even possible due to the very high doses of steroids I had to take. The only exception was the one night in 3 that I allowed myself to take a sleeping pill. On those nights I slept about 5 hours. I did not want to become dependent or addicted to the sleeping pills, so one night out of three I would take one. Additionally, I had grown a beard on the rounded moon shaped face. My eyes sunken deep within the roundness until I couldn’t even know myself in the mirror. The large buffalo hump had grown just below my neck, distorting my body further. 
At 4 am with all the pain and agony, I did not want to awaken the children who were now young men getting ready to leave for college in the fall, so I had placed a large recliner in my walk-in closet. There I would sit and talk with God while reading my Bible. There I learned of God’s love, joy and peace in the midst of tragedy.
I had finished my Master’s in Nursing and now was working as a Nurse Practitioner; but, the debts were overwhelming and there was this monstrous disease destroying my body.
During the time of the cancer I remember asking God if He was taking me home. “I am tired, the journey has been long. Is it time to go home?” I would ask with great heaviness of heart. Again, with all the agony of this disease, I pleaded and asked God if He was going to take me home. Then, I would remember my children and how my sons had lost their father already and I would add, “please, Lord take care of them and help them to have great joy.” One of these mornings, I heard a whispering sound, “Child, I am taking you home, one day; but, it may not be today. Keep your eyes on me. I am your comforter, I am your joy, I am your provider and I am your Father. Never forget, I love you.” I realized that He had been there in that closet with me every morning and He had a plan. He had been revealing Himself to me through His word, through the hours I had spent with Him each morning. To this day it is my habit to get up early every morning to be alone with God as I start my day. Whatever questions I have in life, I lay them at the foot of His throne as I go to sleep. Often at 2 or 3 am, I am gently awakened with a whisper of a song or a scripture which is the answer. I return to sleep peaceful, knowing that God has answered me and that He has a plan.
Which brings us to the truth that in Christ, we are also enlightened and provided with wisdom to guide us in our life.
Ephesians 1: “6To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. 7 In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace; 8 Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence; 9 Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself:”
Ultimately in September when the children were gone off to college in September 2000, I went to Washington University in St. Louis, MO where they removed my colon completely and then took me off the steroids. God had lead me every step of the way and He gave me the greatest gift of all which was a close relationship with Him. There in that closet I found God, His Joy, His love, His wisdom and His comfort in the midst of every circumstance that had occurred. God had allowed all the pain, the scars, and the tears; knowing that my circumstances would drive me into the closet where I would find Him above all else. He knew that it was in that closet I would find His victory and how to always see life through His eyes of love.
Listen to the this song by Mandisa That is What Scars are For
©2015 Effie Darlene Barba
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