Alone, broken-hearted; I wept bitterly through the night. After all the years of what I thought was serving God, here I was. Not only was I alone; having been betrayed by my own search for love. Now, I faced betrayal at work. The one place where I had diligently served and had rose to a place of respect; the only place I believed I was loved. Perhaps I had grown too proud of my position. After all, it brought me great joy to know I was looked up too. I had fought for Christ so many years; or so, I believed. Yet, there still were all those “if only” thoughts that would plague me at times. If only I were successful, or had more money, or was a little thinner. Perhaps, still the biggest; if only someone loved me: then, I could be happy.
Happiness and joy appeared so often in my life like a see saw. One moment up and the next crashing to the ground. This time, it came with a crushing blow. The one place, I always excelled was in the workplace. Now, I was the accused. Months went by and in fact, I resigned and started my move to Missouri from Florida before everything was cleared. Yet, I felt a sadness deep within. Then, in Missouri; God left me with a part time job where I faced many difficulties, criticisms, and struggles at first. My applications for a second job marked denied. Never had I faced rejections of this kind before. Suddenly my last stronghold of self pride, crumbled within me.
DISCOVERING THE SOURCE OF TRUE JOY
One by one, throughout my lifetime; God had ripped from my hands the counterfeit joys I clung to. He needed me to realize: He IS my joy. Happiness and joy did not depend upon all these things I thought I desired. Nor did they depend on my obtaining these. Many times, in my life, when facing disaster; I seemed to know this, only to let that truth slip quickly away again as I reached for or held too tightly to some new desire or string of pride. Why was it that I would lay aside the truth of True Joy to cling once more to counterfeit joys? My time alone with God would slide; just a little. Busy with other things, I stopped reading my Bible. Preoccupied with some new counterfeit joy, I left my only True Joy laying in some corner.
Then, God would snatch that counterfeit joy out of my hand; and, once more I would fall into despair. Only, in the center of my tears; I would look up to see God there in all His Glory. His loving arms were there to pull me up; lift me out of my sorrow. Then, His joy would fill my heart again. Part of the problem! We fail to understand this truth: the purpose for which God created us was to shower us with His love, fill us with His Joy, and bestow upon us His Glory. When we lose sight of our purpose, we seek all these things through self-made means. Because I seek love, joy, and glory; I search for it through whatever means I can. Much like Adam, I tend to forget; I already have all of it when I sit in His presence.
KNOWLEDGE THAT TRANSFORMS
When I understand fully that God IS, that He rewards those who seek Him, and that my purpose in this life is to be a receptacle of His love, joy and Glory; then, everything changes. Because I begin to see the world through God’s eyes, I begin to know Joy in the center of every trial. I know that He is the Joy I was searching for. Therefore, I set my alarm to get up at 4 am every morning to spend time alone with Him. Beyond that, I seek His presence with whispered prayers of “thank you, Lord”, “guide me Lord” and “Your Will, Lord” throughout my day. Praise, worship songs and sermons surround me in my car and as I work around my house.
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength Isaiah 26:3,4
Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalm 16:11
JEREMIAH 29:11-13
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.
Note this: God’s ultimate plan is that we seek Him; because He knows our only hope for everlasting Joy is found in Him. After all, He created us for that precise purpose.
THE STORY’S CONCLUSION: jOY OVERFLOWING
Six months after my arrival in Missouri, my situation took a sharp turn toward all that God had planned for me. My part time job went to full time. Richly blessed, I work with two of the best and kindest Electrophysiology Physicians in the world at the VA. Honored to be lead by a great group of Cardiologists, my life beams with hope and joy. God has shined His light upon me. What a blessing to be able to serve the Veterans alongside a very dedicated and caring staff, which we have here.
God knew that I would have hesitated leaving Florida; had, He not created a storm there. He knew that He had His best for me here where I am now; therefore, He ripped from my hand a counterfeit joy that I might find true joy in the center of His will and plan for me. No longer was I relying on me or my accolades to find joy; instead, He IS my joy. All the rest of my happy benefits are bonus.
concluding thoughts
Remember the beginning of this page! “Alone, broken-hearted; I wept bitterly through the night. After all the years of what I thought was serving God, here I was. Not only was I alone” How quickly does our own thought process get messed up when we take our eyes off of our only true source of joy! You, see: I was never alone; because God was right there with me every step of the way. Furthermore, I believed that my serving God deserved some trophy or reward; when, I had always had Him as my greatest treasure because of His Grace, not anything I could do with my own strength. His presence was mine and did not depend on my own futile attempts at serving Him. Without Him, I had no hope. He IS my strength, my hope and my joy!
When I remember the truth of my place within this universe (nothing without Him) and my purpose to be God’s receptacle for love, joy and glory; then, I am filled with and amazed by Joy. No matter what comes, I am undaunted by the storms; because, He IS ALL I need.
CONCLUDING TWEETS:
[tweetthis]God ripped from my hand a counterfeit joy that I might find true joy in Him[/tweetthis]
[bctt tweet=”No longer relying on me or my accolades to find joy; God IS my joy.” username=”effiedarlene”]
[bctt tweet=”God created us for the purpose of filling us with His Joy &bestowing His Love on us” username=”effiedarlene”]
This is an original Drawing by an amazing artist. Check out his work: http://roninron.com .
You cannot copy or duplicate this picture without permission; because of copyright laws.
featured picture at the top of the post is used by permission https://unsplash.com/@jakemelara
©Effie Darlene Barba, 2017
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.