Isaiah 40
28Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
30Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint
Perhaps at this moment, I need this reminder not only each morning; but each hour of the day. On August 2, I am scheduled for surgery and there are those thoughts of fear that at moments well up deep inside. In some way it is a simple surgery as I am going for a ventral hernia repair. Unfortunately, due to all the prior surgeries and the altered muscle and fascia; what should be simple is actually a complete reconstruction of my abdominal wall. How in-depth that is I am uncertain. For the past week, I am progressively more fighting nausea every time I eat combined with pain. My physical body is aching as I continue to push forward to work and fulfill the obligations that are mine. It is during this same moments of insecurity when I want to just draw aside and withdraw into the arms of Jesus to prepare and rest; there is at the same time a persistent problem at work that as the leader of the nurse practitioners I must deal with. Deep inside I just want to run into my closet with my Father. I became very frustrated with the situation as I watched the person twisting and turning and whining to get their way. My response should have been to stand firm and protect my company and that I did. But I realized I (as mercy) am not good at fighting the battles meant for Justice (the Prophet) and then felt I needed to justify my responses which in truth is not necessary. I should have called Ron for counsel; but I didn’t. Instead I let the aggravations drive me to talk too much as I sorted through these things. Inside I searched to see if there was any other thing I could do, but when searching in this manner I ended up speaking to some friends who aren’t friends and spread it as gossip. My fault. I realized that never in my life could I deal with whining and manipulation from anyone. This struggle has caused me to search before God my heart and lay my sinful response back at His seat of Mercy to cleanse any chaff before I move forward toward the surgery and recovery and toward the firm movement forward that justice demands with the other situation. Regarding the surgery, I would say I have waited too long for the surgery; but when I had planned it before—the surgeon couldn’t. So, as I know God sets the time and God picks the surgeon; all is well. I need His strength to make it to the date and I need His help to financially make it through. Whoa that would be a completely other side trip so I won’t start that one now; rather a different blog about God’s teaching me finances a bit late in life must shortly follow. But He has always been faithful in the past and I know He will be in the future. I need to return to work by the 14th of August and I am resting in His strength to do just that. He knows what is best and my time is in His hands just as it was in times past it will be today and forever. I was going to continue my story through the journey beginning January 2001; but alas work is calling and I must go. I love you my readers and want you to know; God is in control.
As David there are moments that we may feel trembling inside and there are moments when we feel guilt ; but the important thing is to know where do we go then. David wrote songs as the one below to express His feelings. Psalm 31:
9Have mercy upon me, O LORD, for I am in trouble: mine eye is consumed with grief, yea, my soul and my belly. 10For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing: my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed. 11I was a reproach among all mine enemies, but especially among my neighbours, and a fear to mine acquaintance: they that did see me without fled from me. 12I am forgotten as a dead man out of mind: I am like a broken vessel. 13For I have heard the slander of many: fear was on every side: while they took counsel together against me, they devised to take away my life. 14But I trusted in thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my God. 15My times are in thy hand: deliver me from the hand of mine enemies, and from them that persecute me. 16Make thy face to shine upon thy servant: save me for thy mercies’ sake. 17Let me not be ashamed, O LORD; for I have called upon thee: let the wicked be ashamed, and let them be silent in the grave. 18Let the lying lips be put to silence; which speak grievous things proudly and contemptuously against the righteous. 19Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men! 20Thou shalt hide them in the secret of thy presence from the pride of man: thou shalt keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues. 21Blessed be the LORD: for he hath shewed me his marvellous kindness in a strong city. 22For I said in my haste, I am cut off from before thine eyes: nevertheless thou heardest the voice of my supplications when I cried unto thee. 23O love the LORD, all ye his saints: for the LORD preserveth the faithful, and plentifully rewardeth the proud doer. 24Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD
It is human to sometimes tremble, but never lose sight of who is your strength, this same David knew this. After all he began this Psalm with:
1In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. 2Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. 3For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me. 4Pull me out of the net that they have laid privily for me: for thou art my strength. 5Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth. 6I have hated them that regard lying vanities: but I trust in the LORD. 7I will be glad and rejoice in thy mercy: for thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities; 8And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room.
So when the valley seem to dark (and it will sometimes;) or when your heart is heavy with guilt or sorrow ( it will be sometimes) or when you feel yourself trembling with fear (and you will sometimes), always remember God the Creator of this Universe has it all in His mighty Hands and He is always waiting there with open arms to carry you each step of the way, now and forever.
I want to share another song with you.
The following video, I dearly love as I do the writing and singing of Krysten and Keith Getty. The following song I see as my life song.
Love, Effie Darlene Barba