Today, as I turn 59; I am preparing to move to Missouri with great expectation and great hope for all that God has planned. Yet my thoughts have turned to Mom. For the past ten years, she has lived with me. I have watched as she has aged over that time period while I have tried to urge her to hold onto hope. For a time, I must leave her behind in a nursing home; something I had sworn I would never do. Yet, over the past ten years and particularly the last three years, I have become her memory and her decision maker. For the past six months she has asked to be in a "rest home" , because she wants to just rest and "never have to do dishes again". During that time, I asked her to wait because I wasn’t ready to let her go there and I needed her here to proof read my blogs, to listen to me prattle on at times, and to be my prayer warrior. She has grown weary of life itself. The therapist says that her decision making skills have so deteriorated as to make her unsafe to be at home alone and they will be working to help her regain those.
Mom Holding Me as a Baby and Mom now.
Perhaps the natural progression of aging as was described in Ecclesiastes as the writer urges us to worship God in the days of our youth before "the days of trouble come." My plan is to as soon as possible return for her. Before I do, I must prepare her a safe place to live. My hope is to bring her into my home again; but, I must face the reality that her decision making skills have so deteriorated that it may be necessary only to transfer her to a nursing home near me. Perhaps, I will be able to find a day care for her while I work. Either way, I will bring near to me as soon as is possible. I have no fear; because I know that God is with her. After all, she was the one who taught me about Christ. She gave me life and she
showed me the way to be born again that I might have life abundant. Her whole life she has struggled with being bipolar; yet, her love of God has been the one thing never questioned and ever present with her. The other thing never questioned was her love for me as she has demonstrated throughout the years over and over again. She has been my prayer warrior, always. Let’s look at Ecclesiastes 12.
Ecclesiastes 12 (NIV)
Remember your Creator
in the days of your youth,
before the days of trouble come
and the years approach when you will say,
“I find no pleasure in them”—
2 before the sun and the light
and the moon and the stars grow dark,
and the clouds return after the rain;
3 when the keepers of the house tremble,
and the strong men stoop,
when the grinders cease because they are few,
and those looking through the windows grow dim;
4 when the doors to the street are closed
and the sound of grinding fades;
when people rise up at the sound of birds,
but all their songs grow faint;
5 when people are afraid of heights
and of dangers in the streets;
when the almond tree blossoms
and the grasshopper drags itself along
and desire no longer is stirred.
Then people go to their eternal home
and mourners go about the streets.
6 Remember him—before the silver cord is severed,
and the golden bowl is broken;
before the pitcher is shattered at the spring,
and the wheel broken at the well,
7 and the dust returns to the ground it came from,
and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
8 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.
“Everything is meaningless!”
NIV THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Let us all be reminded to serve God now with all of our strength, our heart and our spirit before our eyes begin to fail, our hearing fades, our teeth fall out, and our bodies become too weak and fatigued to carry out the task. Today is the day of salvation before it is too late. Today is the day of witnessing before we no longer can. Do not think that you will wait until tomorrow before you accept Christ as your Savior or do His work; because tomorrow may never come.
And for all of you who are struggling with yourselves because of the complexities of caring for an elderly parent who is ill; be gentle with yourself as well. Let love lead you and God guide you. Do not get trapped in guilt or regret. Aging happens and is a part of life. Solomon, with the wisdom God gave Him, knew this as he penned the verses in Ecclesiastes. I am grateful for these past ten years, I am grateful for these 59 years of life, I am grateful for 54 years of walking with God as my companion, and I will forever be grateful for the future grace which will be mine with God.
Before mom left for the nursing home, I played her this song and told her that was how I felt. In the video, it is sung to a mother who has passed on; but I recommend that you say it to your mother while she is still alive if you still have that chance. So, Mom; I love you more than you know and I am proud of all you have done, sacrificed and your bravery in facing the world. Most of all thank you for pointing me to Christ.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utm4T6lT7pE (Preview)
For more insight into being the child of a bipolar when they become lost in their world, go to my 2010 blog of a prayer I wrote during a moment of desperateness. What do I do when I am lost in a sea of craziness?
In other words, I have not always gotten this right at being a daughter or a mother; but with God’s help, I can always rest in the truth of His word and His plan of good for Mom and my children.
© 2013 Effie Darlene Barba
Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to any brands, products or services that I have mentioned with the exception of my own book. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides regarding the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”