How Can I See the Girl in The Mirror as Beautiful?

April 4, 2016 Effie Barba

“Behold, how beautiful you are, my darling,
Behold, how beautiful you are!
Your eyes are dove’s eyes.” Solomon 1:15 (AMP)

As I returned to school, I was so grateful to have my daughter to drive me and to help me for the first two weeks, then she went back home. Next step was to face chemotherapy. I would receive the chemotherapy every three weeks for 4 doses. What I soon found was a pattern. Three days after chemo my body ached, my shoulders hurt, my brain seemed in a fog, and there was a heavy metallic pressure in my mid chest which was so intense I could hardly breath. That would begin to ease and then 9 days later, a horrendous fatigue along with the severe drop in my white count would happen. By day 18, I began to feel a little better; then it was time for the next dose. It was God’s grace and sheer determination that I pushed on through school. I knew that if I stopped I would give up; besides, my chemotherapy was at Vanderbilt. I really didn’t have a choice when I considered I had school loans which would come due. As it was, I wasn’t allowed to work as a nurse anywhere while on chemo and money was enough of a problem.

Remember the plans I had? Look on the bright side with the various wigs, weight loss and the improved body due to the tummy tuck!! Well, not exactly what happened. My weight shot up 40 pounds (the only thing that eased the pain in the chest was ice cream or cheese every two hours)—that plus the steroids with each chemo added to the weight gain. Besides, not a time to try to diet. My scalp was so tender that the wigs were miserable—a scarf was a little better; but, nothing was the least painful. So, I went bald most of the time and only wore the wigs when around my sons so they did not have to see the baldness. The tummy tuck? Well, now I had no waistline—just flat down the sides as well as the front. In fact, all of that brought me back full circle to that little girl in first grade.

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Christian Poetry

POETRY SUNDAY—Stand Still

April 3, 2016 Effie Barba

Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God Job 37:14

There are seasons in this world that we may not fully understand why God allows the pain or the suffering. The valley may seem so dark and the road so rough that we cannot find our way through; but, we can trust Him. Often, God tells us to stand still and see His Salvation in the midst of our trials. The plan He has is a plan to bring you ever closer to Him where fullness of joy may be yours. Yet, a little while; and He will show you the way. In the meantime, He is there to comfort you, love you and show you His mercy. So, Stand Still and know that He is God.

Stand Still

By Effie Darlene Barba

When your world is falling apart

And you can’t seem to find your way

When your love has broken your heart

When there’s nothing else you can say

Stand still, stand still

When the Doctor says the “C” word

When you can’t even pay the rent

And you don’t know how to be heard

With your health and energy spent

Stand still, stand still

When you’ve given all you can give

And you feel you are all alone

When you want a reason to live

Know this, that I am on my throne

So Stand still, stand still

I AM the one who parted the sea

The one who calmed the raging storm

I created all that you see

I Am He who gave earth its form

So, stand still, stand still

I Am the one who died for you

To Pay the price to set you free

Let my glory come into view

Turn your eyes and focus on me

And Stand still, stand still

Stand still and know that I AM He

Who loves you with all of His might

In me you have the victory

I Will arm you for every fight

So Stand still, stand still

Stand still, and know that I AM God

Stand still, I walk each mile you trod

Stand still, let my love wrap you tight

Stand still, you are ever in sight

Stand still, I am the giver of life

Stand still I am remover of strife

Stand still, I Am joy and hope evermore

Stand still, I Am the wings- You can soar

I Am the one who gives you each breath

I AM the way you are reconciled

I AM the one who did conquer death

I AM the one who loves you, my child

So Stand Still, stand still

So, here is my question for you today. Do you know Him as your heavenly Father? Have you accepted His Gift of Salvation?

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.” John 3:16-19

If you have never asked Jesus to be your Savior, would you today?

Original Photo used courtesy of unsplash.com/finleydesign (Neil Thomas-photographer) I added the inscription.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Christian Blog

5 Steps to Victory in Every Battle of Life

April 1, 2016 Effie Barba

Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s. 2 Chronicles 20:15

The day finally came for the surgery. I had prepared my mind, my heart and my spirit as best I could. But perhaps that is a problem if I say, the best I could. I would need much more than my best, I need God to fight this battle in me and for me. Thirteen hours I was in surgery. I awoke in recovery with excruciating pain as though I had been skinned alive. I could barely breathe, my voice a faint whisper, and unable to move because of the pain. Fortunately, the nurse saw my eyes opened, whispered some words of comfort as she gave me some pain medicine into my IV. Nothing really prepares you for the pain, the struggles, the fatigue, and the total body changes that come with surgery. I needed a God’s battle plan.

FOR GOD IS ON MY SIDE

IT WAS NOT BY CHANCE I WAS AT VANDERBILT, GOD KNEW THE CANCER WAS GOING TO BE THERE AND HE ALREADY HAD A PLAN FOR MY WINNING THE BATTLE AGAINST IT. The tumor was large in diameter—about 6 centimeters; but, flat like a pancake. It was a very aggressive form of HER2/neu positive cancer cells. Because I was at Vanderbilt I was placed in two important research studies. The first was to study the sentinel node. Because I was in that study they removed the usual lymph nodes (over 25) from my right arm as well as the “sentinel” node which in my case was located near the center of my chest. It would have been ignored had I not been in the study, since this was a rare location for the cancer to potentially spread. The second study involved the chemotherapy I was going to receive. When I randomized, I was placed in the arm of the study that would receive the most aggressive chemotherapy. In fact, I was going to receive Adriamycin/Taxotere which at that time was considered 2^nd or 3^rd line therapy. Herceptin was barely being developed so that was not in the potential available drugs.

MY CHILDREN AND I

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Christian Blog

How to Prepare Mind, Heart and Spirit for Battle

March 30, 2016 Effie Barba

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

So, I had to prepare for battle in every way possible. It was certainly not the first battle I had fought. I had the battle scars to prove that. Each battle presents with it’s own unique trials and lessons. I needed a strategy, map it out on the playing field of life so that I could march forward into battle prepared to win with God at my side. Well, at least that was what I thought. God smiled and let me plan.

MIND GAMES

First I had to prepare my mind for the actual events that were coming. I couldn’t just ignore the truth that surgery was needed followed by chemotherapy. So as best as I could I needed to plan in a manner as to focus on whatever good I could focus on. The surgery was being scheduled for early December because they had to coordinate the schedules of the surgeon and the plastic surgeon. They recommended reconstruction on the same day as the mastectomy. Personally, I thought that was such a good idea!! So, after meeting with the plastic surgeon; the plan was for a tram-flap reconstruction. That is, they take a muscle and fat from the abdomen and from that they form a breast. I shuddered at the thought. Sounds awful; but, I decided to focus on the positive. I was going to have a tummy tuck paid by the insurance. I determined that to think of positives with chemo as well.

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Christian Blog

How to Find the Strength in Love to Battle Cancer

March 28, 2016 Effie Barba

But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy. Psalm 59:16-17

It was late October, 1998 when I first heard that dreaded word. There was a light fall breeze and I had been listening to wonderful Christian music as I nearly skipped to the Doctor’s office. Deep inside I knew all was going to be ok. The needle biopsies had all been negative. The mammograms had all been negative. The Doctor had decided to do the open biopsy only because I insisted and because the ultrasound had looked a little funny. God’s plan for me was good. I was half way through my Master’s Program in Nursing. So whatever had been that lump-it was gone now and I knew the Doctor was going to give me good news. My heart was singing songs of joy and praise, as I entered the office and awaited the doctor.

“The cyst was just that a cyst. The lump that we had biopsied, I removed and it was negative—no cancer cells there,” the doctor began. “whew, I was right”, I thought; as suddenly I felt even more overjoyed. Then the doctor continued. “There was a small area near the back of the breast, behind the lump. I took a small piece from there in part to reshape the breast and the tissue looked a little different. The pathology from that piece was positive for a very aggressive form of breast Cancer.” Suddenly my heart sank. My mind began spinning. I could hardly hear the remainder of the words that came. But, I was there alone and had to grasp the words. Decisions had to be made and I was the only one who could make them; so, I must pay attention. “We need to do surgery, you will need a mastectomy”, the Doctor continued. “Then you will need chemotherapy and maybe even radiation. It depends on what we find in surgery and the final staging of the cancer.”

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