How to Actually Survive When Feeling Rejected and Lonely

April 13, 2016 Effie Barba

‘I have chosen you and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:9-10 (NKJV)

Nothing cuts deeper into our hearts than feelings of rejection or loneliness. Our hearts yearn for love, acceptance, and companionship. We want validation that we matter. We want to know that, at least to someone; we have purpose and meaning. For some of us, rejection cuts at the very core of our being forcing us to come face to face with our own frailties and failures. If we are honest, I daresay that is true of most of us.

As the fall of 2000 approached, my sons were off to college and I prepared to have major surgery once more. This time I was having my colon removed. Terry and I had begun to try to mend things. Maybe there would be a chance to piece together our relationship again. Then, Terry said he would drive me the 4 hours to the hospital for my surgery; but, then he was leaving for a hunting trip. So, it was there would be no one for the doctor to talk to after surgery. I was alone as I went into surgery that morning. I made the arrangements for my daughter to fly into St. Louis and take a taxi to the hospital 5 days later (estimating the day of my discharge). When we arrived at the hospital, we parked the car so I would know where it was. Terry became angry I wouldn’t let him take the car to meet up with his hunting buddy; but, he had left me stranded without my car once before. So I insisted he take a taxi to meet his friend.

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Christian Poetry

Why Is Prayer So Important in My Life?

April 11, 2016 Effie Barba

The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16

Some seasons of our life seem to go on and on. So it was with the ulcerative colitis. Mine awoke me every morning at 4 am without fail. There was a cycle with my worst pain and incessant trips to the bathroom occurring every morning from 4 am to 8 am. Then it would calm down enough I could get to work. That was when I drug my big recliner into my large walk in closet—my prayer room was created. For 4 hours every morning, it was God and I alone preparing to face the day.

Over the course of the disease, I developed all the severe side effects from the high doses of steroids. I lost all the muscle tone in my legs making stairs a near impossibility. I grew a mustache and beard. The large “buffalo-hump” between my shoulders ached. My eyes and mouth became lost within the moon shaped face. Fatigue plagued me as there was little hope for sleep those days except the one in three that I allowed myself a sleeping pill. Despite the massive routines of suppositories, cortisone enemas, and pills; nothing controlled this monstrous disease. It was the hours alone with God that gave me the strength to keep going. In those early mornings, I would read scripture and we would just talk. When I looked in the mirror at the stranger staring back at me, I now saw a warrior. I was God’s warrior.

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Christian Poetry

Poetry Sunday: Anger Is

April 10, 2016 Effie Barba 4 Comments

Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speaking, As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious. I Peter 2:1-3

Anger, jealousy, bitterness are all signs of a much deeper issue of the heart. Usually these are the manifestations of how broken and scarred our own hearts are. Often, our reaction is a result of our own fears of inadequacy. We protest most loudly when deep in our heart of hearts we fear they are right. “Maybe, I am unlovable. Maybe, just maybe I am a failure.” Other times, we lash out with anger at another’s injustice; yet, deep inside we only want to say, “Well at least I am better than that person.” The truth being when I react to another’s anger with anger, I become the very one I am bitterly denouncing. Look at what Peter said, “Lay aside all the anger, bitterness, hypocrisy, jealousy, and gossip.” How? “By reading the word, drinking in the grace of Jesus. Once you have truly tasted the blessed sweetness of grace; how, can you allow anger to grow. When we trust God’s Sovereignty and remember all that He has forgiven in our lives; forgiveness and grace will fill our hearts.

Anger Is

By Effie Darlene Barba

Anger is that thought hidden deep inside

Rising up to defend our injured pride

Anger is the scar from a broken heart

Using words to hurt like some poisonous dart

Anger plants itself first a tiny seed

That grows into a thorny wretched weed

Choking out all hope of love, faith, or joy

Doing Satan’s work, oh so sly and coy

Anger is the sign of a heart of sin

Pushing, striving wanting always to win

“How dare you to hurt me, why don’t you see

It’s not about you, it’s all about me”

Anger pours forth like a cold winter rain

With shards of ice inflicting hurt and pain

While all the time it truly hurts the most

The angered one whose innocence does boast

My Lord, I need your gentle touch of Grace

I need to see your righteous, loving face

So, I might cast aside this selfish pride

That You might heal my broken heart inside

For when I truly cherish Grace you see

No trace of anger can abide in me

When the truth of Your Sovereignty does rise

Only then can I fully realize

Any anger my heart would entertain

Is against the plan Your Will did ordain

So as the fullness of truth comes into view

Anger is a sign of my doubting You

How could it be my wretched, sinful heart

Allowed an angry thought to even start

Only your grace can cleanse my heart of sin

Your love restore anew Your joy within

Let forgiveness and Grace be what I give

To everyone I meet each day I live

Singing forth your praise with great jubilee

As from anger’s curse I have been set free

It was your perfect grace that loved me so

So, please Let Grace be all my heart does know

And in faith as I trust Your plan for me

Let Your dear Grace be all the world does see

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Christian Blog

How to Deal with Love’s Number One Enemy-Anger

April 8, 2016 Effie Barba

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor? James 4:12 (NIV)

Spring had finally arrived and with it hope of renewal. All the chemotherapy treatments were completed. Slowly, steadily I had new hair growing. Slowly, steadily the fatigue was going away. Flowers were beginning to bloom in the yard. As is the case, along with the grass, the weeds also begin to grow. My anger toward Terry was like those weeds. I had not analyzed it. I had not dealt with it. I had not plucked it out when it was small, so it grew. After all, I rationalized, “he wasn’t there when I needed him. He was not willing to even help me financially; after all I had done to financially help him before.” It was easier to rationalize my anger than to deal with the real issue which was my own heart.

Dutifully, “trying to be a good Christian”, I held my tongue at the moment and never spoke of the seething anger inside. Perhaps if I ignore the weeds growing in my own heart, they would go away. I prayed; but, the anger still grew. I was back home to do my internship, while able to work. I still went to Vanderbilt one day every two weeks to turn in my papers and meet with my instructor. I flew to my daughter’s wedding; but, Terry didn’t go with me because of hunting season, again. By fall, I had a new challenge to face—ulcerative colitis. It hit with a rampage that resulted in high dose steroids and multiple medications with little success. So, once more I did not deal with the weeds of anger in my heart—they sat there dormant for another winter.

ANGER’S EXPLOSION

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Christian Blog

3 Lessons About Love from The Battlegrounds of Cancer

April 6, 2016 Effie Barba 4 Comments

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love…and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3: 17,19

This series has been about searching for the truth of love. At least, my journey in that search. Life hits us at times with hurricane force winds and we feel that we can barely hold on. Yet, in the end it is love that holds us firmly in place. Much like a young tree that has withstood heavy winds of time whose roots have sunk deeper with each trying wind. Each trial in this life can become the means that we sink our roots a little deeper into the firm foundation of love. “God is love” (I John 4:8). So, it is that even my cancer had its place in my journey to discovering the truths of love. It was like that hurricane wind forcing me to dig my roots ever deeper into the only foundation that could hold me—God’s love; while at the same time forcing me to face the lessons along this journey that would ultimately lead me to discovering the splendor, beauty and joy of knowing love.

As you may remember from the previous writings, I had learned the truth of sacrificial, unconditional love from my marriage with Pete. Yet, love in its fullness has many more aspects as I still was going to need to learn along my journey. When Pete’s earthly death had ripped him from my arms, there was left a gaping void in my heart which I daresay was more evident because I now must face the next lessons of love. Love is strong enough to withstand was one of those lessons. My love for my children pushed me forward through the battle against cancer. God in that gave me a small glimpse of the strength of His love for me which endured so much more than I would ever have to endure as Jesus died on the cross to cover my sins. There were many more lessons left to learn to even begin to know all the complexities, the magnificent beauty of God’s love in us—the real truth of love which can then out pour into rivers of joyous love in our lives.

LOVE’S SEARCH

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