Can I Look in The Mirror and Still Feel Loved?

April 27, 2016 Effie Barba

I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: and I will sing praises unto thee among the nations For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: and thy glory above all the earth; That thy beloved may be delivered: save with thy right hand, and answer me. Psalm 108:3-6

As I sat and stared at an empty page this morning, I prayed. Prayer is my only hope. From the time I post the previous post to the moment I begin the next, my mind is prayerfully searching to know where to turn and what to write. That is sometimes easier when I am doing a series through any book of the Bible; because, then I must focus on God’s word and from that wait for God to guide my understanding through commentaries, prayerful searching and even listening to sermons. Certainly, at work I must focus on work; yet, as I walk the halls between tasks, I sometimes hear a word, a thought that inspires my understanding of the scripture at hand. That is Grace.

When I finished the series on the gospel of John in mid-February, I felt compelled to begin a series about love. Before I started the series, I questioned God in earnest as to why this series. Yet, the longer I questioned; the stronger the conviction came. As I have opened up to each of you all my own failures along this road toward discovering the truth of love, I have at times felt very vulnerable and very frail. As always, God has been faithful to reveal to this weary heart His Grace each step of the way. Along this journey of writing the story of my life, God has revealed to me truths about me as well. Truths as shunned to know as I have been forced to look deep into the mirror of my own life, my own heart. When there was a time it would have been easier to just blame Miguel, Pete, Terry or even Mom for their role in breaking my heart; now, I couldn’t.

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Christian Blog

What Is the Second Greatest Enemy to Love?

April 25, 2016 Effie Barba

Make me to go in the path of thy commandments; for therein do I delight. Incline my heart unto thy testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way. Psalm 119:35-37

As I have pointed out previously, anger is enemy number one of love. Our hearts are so quickly filled by anger so as to crush any hope of love. There is another enemy which can grow like a cancer within our hearts preventing any hope of feeling true love. That enemy is covetousness. Much like anger it begins with a thought or desire deep within our hearts and then grows until it destroys joy, love and hope. It is very subtle at the beginning. We may look at something and just for a moment desire that it was ours. We may see a couple in love and wish that was ours. We may see another who has a nicer home or car and wish it was ours. Someone may have a better position, better grades, greater success, better health, and the list goes on. Whatever it might be, a small seed of discontent starts within our heart which can grow rapidly creating doubt, fear, and depression; while at the same time choking out any signs of love within our feeble hearts. It is no wonder, “Do Not Covet” is one of the 10 commandments. (Exodus 20:17)

To covet is defined as to yearn to possess or have something. That can be anything!! Then when we don’t have it and we see someone else who does, we become jealous or envious. We wonder why “God loves them better. Why would they have that? Haven’t I been faithful?” If we look at the apostles, this too was evident within their hearts. They were always wanting to know who would be greater, sit closer to Jesus, or suffer less. Paul even spoke of his own struggles with coveting in Romans 7. So, how do we destroy the cancer of coveting; so, that we might know the joy of having hearts filled with love? Faith!! Faith is the key. Let me help you to understand this; as this is a lesson I too must often go back for a refresher course. A seed I often need to destroy before it takes root in my own heart.

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Poetry

Poetry Sunday: A Daughter’s Surprise

April 24, 2016 Effie Barba

This series on love has been quite intense at times I know. Perhaps today we can just take a moment to laugh at even ourselves. As I pointed out, God is always at work to transform this heart of mine. The years that Mom lived under my care were at times challenging; but, oh so revealing. She lives now in an assisted living because the care she needs is more than I can provide and still work; yet, now we can laugh about our lives together. I never miss going to see her and sitting for a while. I take her treats, gifts and “things” every week so she doesn’t worry. Sometimes I pick her up to go to the movies or out to eat. She seems much happier there, since she doesn’t have to worry all day, “Oh what will I do if Darlene dies in a car crash! Or can’t make it home!” This poem I wrote for a humorous poetry contest. When I read it to Mom, she laughed at each verse. Then she said, “So, true.”

A Daughter’s Surprise

By Effie Darlene Barba

It was a quarter til six

Before the sunrise

Came a tap at my door

Awoke by surprise

I pretended to snore

The pounding grew louder

Now she called my name

As “Yes Mom,” I said

She then did proclaim

Quite loud “Are you dead?”

How do I answer?

I thought for a while

Oh what do I say

And then came a smile

I answered this way

“Yes mom, I’m dead, but

Don’t call the police

For an hour or two

Or three at the least

Until I say to”

She paused a moment

“I wanted to eat

I don’t want oatmeal

Or some cream of wheat

I really do feel

I want to have eggs

And toast so you see

You need to get up

And cook them for me

With maybe a cup

Of fresh coffee to”

So needless to say

There would be no hope

To sleep in today

Although I could MOPE!

I tried then to smile

As her breakfast I cooked

Her face then a scold

She spoke as she looked,

“You are getting old!”

“Oh, by the way can

You go to the store

My diapers are low

And I really need more

A hundred or so

I must not run out

I use ten every day

Down to nine hundred

Well there is no way!!

Such worry and dread!”

As she wrung her hands,

“Oh, me oh my, dear

What should I now do?

This worry and fear

My mind all askew”

“Where was I? Oh Yeah!”

“Then when you get back

My Laundry needs done

But please leave my lunch

With a sweet roll or bun

I love you a bunch”

“Thank you for breakfast

It really was nice

For dinner perhaps

Some chicken and rice

For snack then some wraps”

“Oh, my now I’m tired

I must go to sleep”

And off mom did go

To sound slumber deep

The sun now aglow

I went to get dressed

And to my surprise

There in the mirror

I saw there- mom’s eyes

Then it was clearer

That she had been right

I am getting old

The thought did occur

As life does unfold

One day I’ll be her

So today I must laugh

Today I will sing

And dance through this day

As though it were spring

No time to delay

No time then to waste

No time to be sad

No time for sorrow

No time to be mad

Sometimes in relationships we need to stop a moment to laugh at ourselves Laughter can be healing

Love covers 1000 wrongs when we look deep within our self & remember the Grace we were given

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post. I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

Christian Blog

Why Is God Always Working to Perfect Me in Love?

April 22, 2016 Effie Barba

The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O Lord, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands. Psalm 138:8

God never gives up on me! Think about the impact of knowing that truth. I don’t mean just knowing it with your mind; but, really knowing that truth in every fiber of your being. He is always, constantly concerned with “perfecting” my heart. He loves me just as I am with all my blemishes and brokenness. While at the same time, He loves me too much to leave me there as He found me. Steadily, gently with great compassion and love; He is always about the work of transforming my heart to be a little more like Him. He wants for me to have the best of His Joy, His peace, and His love in my heart. He also knows what needs to be transformed within my childish heart to help me see Him clearer, know Him better, and to comprehend the magnitude of His love toward me.

About 9 months after I had moved to Springfield, I began to get phone calls from Mom that were desperate pleas for “Help.” She was battling with depression and suicidal thoughts. Each time I would take off, take her to her psychiatrist who would adjust her medications. I arranged for her to get counseling as well. Then, I would return to Springfield which was four hours from Dexter. After about a month of weekly trips, I realized that Mom was not getting any better. Although, she had thought she would be glad when “I and my kids finally left so she could rest;” that wasn’t the case. Now she needed me.

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Christian Blog

What to Do When Feeling Alone, Afraid, And Ashamed

April 20, 2016 Effie Barba

Simon Peter, a servant and an apostle of Jesus Christ, to them that have obtained like precious faith with us through the righteousness of God and our Savior Jesus Christ: Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord ,According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 2 Peter 1:1-4

In the quiet moments alone, do you ever look back over your life and cry? Have you ever felt misunderstood? With a heart full of love, you so wanted to do or say the right thing; but, every word seemed to be misinterpreted and in the end you feel alone and rejected. At the end of the day you end up with so many “would haves”, “could haves”, or “should haves.” Maybe, it has to do with a diet you failed again. Maybe, it had to do with a financial decision you now regret. Whatever the reason, have you ever come to the end of the day and wondered if there is any purpose for you? Have you ever wondered whether any of it matters? Your joy is gone, your hope is gone and your only prayer is that when the morning breaks, peace and joy will have returned. Yet, your sorrow is worse because you feel that you have failed God once more. You hope that “knowledge that you are loved” will once more fill your heart with song, if only you could feel that again. So what do you do?

My time in Springfield was a time to heal the brokenness inside. Beyond having met and known new friends who accepted me as I was; there was also the time alone to reflect upon my life. It actually was when I first began to write about my life. Writing was a way that I could reflect and writing pushed me even further to search the scripture to discover the promises of God. Promises that could restore my heart whenever I felt broken, lonely, unloved, and unworthy. Too often, I would find myself in that state at the end of the day. Yet, it was those feelings that drove me to the scriptures even more and drove me to my knees a lot. One scripture that can restore hope in those times is this one from 2 Peter.

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