Tag: Honesty

Can I Look in The Mirror and Still Feel Loved?

 

I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people: and I will sing praises unto thee among the nations For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens: and thy glory above all the earth; That thy beloved may be delivered: save with thy right hand, and answer me. Psalm 108:3-6

As I sat and stared at an empty page this morning, I prayed. Prayer is my only hope. From the time I post the previous post to the moment I begin the next, my mind is prayerfully searching to know where to turn and what to write. That is sometimes easier when I am doing a series through any book of the Bible; because, then I must focus on God’s word and from that wait for God to guide my understanding through commentaries, prayerful searching and even listening to sermons. Certainly, at work I must focus on work; yet, as I walk the halls between tasks, I sometimes hear a word, a thought that inspires my understanding of the scripture at hand. That is Grace.

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When I finished the series on the gospel of John in mid-February, I felt compelled to begin a series about love. Before I started the series, I questioned God in earnest as to why this series. Yet, the longer I questioned; the stronger the conviction came. As I have opened up to each of you all my own failures along this road toward discovering the truth of love, I have at times felt very vulnerable and very frail. As always, God has been faithful to reveal to this weary heart His Grace each step of the way. Along this journey of writing the story of my life, God has revealed to me truths about me as well. Truths as shunned to know as I have been forced to look deep into the mirror of my own life, my own heart. When there was a time it would have been easier to just blame Miguel, Pete, Terry or even Mom for their role in breaking my heart; now, I couldn’t.

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Why Does True Love Demand A Humble, Forgiving Heart?

Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love Ephesians 4:2 (PHILLIPS)

Having seen the glimpse of what God was doing in the heart of Pete should have given me all the hope I could ever need to patiently believe. It should have; but, how quickly our human hearts see a flickering light and want immediately to see the full beam of glorious light. Patience was always that lesson that I asked God if we could just skip and move on to something else. Yet, it was the one God truly wanted me to learn. After all, if I truly trust God; patience would be easy. After all, patience is merely the question of “How much do I really trust God’s goodness toward me?”

Humble love

 

So, it was that after Pete declared his discovery that the Bible was true; he did not again speak of God or salvation. He continued with his highs and lows. Actually, the moments of happiness were being engulfed by the days of deep depression. More and more Pete wanted to retreat into a world of sleep using drugs to stay there. There were those moments of anger and harshness that would come that made me welcome his retreat back into sleep. The violence would come as I tried to hide the drugs from him or to ration them to help him come clean again. I pleaded with his family to come and sit watch with him as he went through withdrawal; yet, one by one they would leave as soon as Pete became verbally abusive. Again, I would be left alone to try. So, I would try each new day to step by step bring him off.

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