Tag: grace

Pride, Grace, Guilt, Love-How Does Faith Ever Win?

 

“ For we ourselves also were sometimes foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving divers lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful, and hating one another.4 But after that the kindness and love of God our Saviour toward man appeared,5 Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost;6 Which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour;7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life”               (Titus 3)

Restless nights in prayer I have pondered on how to continue telling you the next step in my journey toward discovering the truth of love. It would be so easy for me to tell you how desperately miserable I was, how I worked two jobs while finishing high school, how the church failed me, mom failed me, and how no one came to rescue me. I could tell you how an 18 year old ended up in the hospital with atrial fibrillation and elevated blood sugar from stress. I could tell you of how I stuttered—unable to speak clearly once more. Truth is I sinned—no excuses.  So, what happened?  Pride got in the way. The doctor I worked for told me, “You can’t go on like this. You need to get a divorce and restart your life.” My reply? “No, it can’t happen. I cannot fail.” Famous last words? Sounds a lot like Peter, “Even if everyone else fails you Lord, I won’t” (Mark 14:29). Not me! I could never do that!

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I wish I could tell you that I had stopped praying or reading my Bible. At least then, I had some excuse why I slipped away into sin. No, indeed my Bible study and prayer escalated in intensity as I determined that “I” would prove myself worthy of God’s love. Somehow I could and would perform well enough to earn God’s love. I wouldn’t fail like “them.” Ah, but you see. There it was lurking deep within, that self-exalting heart. By the fall of 1973, only months after my graduation; I was in an adulterous affair and pregnant. All the way there, I would like Peter say, “I would never.” But I did. The church told me to leave and not return. The hospital told me to either have an abortion or resign because the baby was half Mexican. (By the way, abortions were illegal). Instead, I got divorced and married the father of my baby. We left for Florida. Did God abandon me? No.

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3 Truths About the Wondrous Grace of Jesus

Throughout the gospel of John, he has made it very clear that his choice of events and his great detail in recording these events were to present Christ’s beauty and grace in such a manner as to draw you to Jesus Christ. The writers of the gospels had each been endowed by the Holy Spirit with a special gift to write down these memories incorporating a part of each writer’s personality and at the same time presenting God’s word to us. God loves to use our uniqueness in a manner to display the wonderful diversity of His beauty. So, it is not surprising that John’s final recorded event was when Jesus came to Peter with such grace and love. Ever so gently, Jesus came to commission Peter to lead the church. So, let’s lay the groundwork to this chapter.

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photo courtesy of Jim Peregoy.  I added the captions.

Privately, in the upper room at the last supper, Peter had sworn his allegiance to Jesus. He swore that he would die before he would allow Jesus to be taken. Jesus told him that before the cock crowed three times, he would have denied Jesus 3 times. Peter thought that this could never happen; yet, just as Jesus had predicted—Peter did deny Jesus three times while in the courtyard. (If you want to read more detail about that go to “What to Do If I Fail with All My Heart?”) After Jesus’ resurrection, Jesus had already appeared two times to the apostles. In neither of those appearances did Jesus mention the betrayal. No, doubt Peter’s heart was rejoicing in the truth of the resurrection. Yet, deep within lay the sorrow of his own betrayal of Jesus. There was that wound that cut deep into his own heart. That pain when you know you have caused pain to someone you love. Worse, that pain which you feel when the Holy Spirit convicts you and you suddenly realized that you have betrayed Jesus (the love of your life). I have too often been right there where Peter stood—filled with the joy of Grace while at the same time fearing that I failed God. [bctt tweet=”Truth is God knew–just as He did with Peter–every time I would fall down & He still chose me”]

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What In The World Will You Do With Jesus?

What In The World Will You Do With Jesus?

It was the question before Pilate that fateful night. He was the Roman Governor. It should have been an easy decision. After all, why would he have cared? He had spilled innocent blood before without a thought. He had nothing to do with the Jewish faith or their teachings of a Messiah. Still, there were the tortuous dreams of his wife who warned him “to have nothing to do with this innocent man.” Maybe, since Jesus was from Galilee, he could send him off to King Herod Antipas instead. “Let Herod determine the fate of Jesus” Pilate thought. Herod Antipas was the son of Herod the Great (the one who feared that Jesus was the awaited Messiah and had all the male babies slaughtered surrounding Bethlehem). Herod Antipas was the one who ordered the beheading of John the Baptist.

What will you do with Jesus

Herod was fascinated by Jesus and wanted to have Jesus perform a miracle for his own entertainment. When Jesus stood silent and did not “perform” for him, Herod cloaked him in robes and sent him back for the soldiers to beat, mock and torture. With that, he declared to Pilate that it would be Pilate’s problem. Herod saw Jesus as some powerless peasant, incapable of any significant problem. In fact, Herod thought it impossible that Jesus could be “guilty of what these foolish priests and scribes accused Him of.”

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What Do You Do When You Get It All Wrong?

I awoke this morning with these ideas circling in my head.  As I began to write down some of the thoughts; I realized that I needed to share these with you today.  So, I filmed this video for you.

 

4 points to remember when you get it all wrong

1.  It is not about how many times I have failed God.  It is about how many times that God’s loving Grace has searched for me, found me buried in despair, and asked “Child, do you love me?”  “Yes, my Lord, with all my heart!!”, I reply.  “Then my Child, come take my hand.  We have work to do.  The fields are white with harvest.  Feed my sheep.”

2.  It is not about how many times Satan has sifted me and left me like dust on the board of life.  It is about how many times God takes that pulverized flour and makes bread to feed those who are hungry.

3.  It is not about how many dreams I have toward doing things for God—no matter how lofty they might be.  It is about how many times God picks up the shattered pieces of those dreams, then reflects His Glory through them to shine His light upon another soul.  Changing the eternity of another through the shatter pieces of what once was my dreams.

4.  It is not about what I can do for God.  It is about what He can do with a broken heart, and feeble weary hands when that heart has come to realize that He is my greatest treasure.  He is my Joy, my hope, and the love I have so longed for.

So, dear friend; if you think that God can not use you to shine forth His Glory.  Think again.  He loves you and His mercy is new every morning.  I needed to tell you that today.

I wrote and published my book A Broken and Contrite Heart in 2011 which was an in depth look at what do you do when you get it wrong.  Although, I have grown spiritually since it’s publication; it remains a good place to begin or continue your journey of Grace.  Whenever, I forget (as sometimes we humans do); I have to return to that place in which I realized that it has always been all about Grace and Grace Alone.

If you wish to purchase a copy, you may click the link or go to Amazon.com or BarnesandNobles.com to order one.

If indeed, you wish a copy and cannot afford it; please email me.  Depending upon the response, I will try to honor you with a copy.  Understanding that in the modern book market; I, the author,  must purchase my own books from the publisher. So, as I am able and God permits, I will try to fulfill those requests.

©Effie Darlene Barba, 2016

Disclosure of Material Connection: I have not received any compensation for writing this post.  I have no material connection to the brands, products, or services that I have mentioned with of course the exception of my own book for which I receive a small commission from Authorhouse, the publisher.   I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

What to Do When I Fail With All My Heart?

What to Do When I Fail With All My Heart?

Often I have heard sermons on Peter’s denial.  I have listened intently as pastors explained the different analogies concerning why Peter failed this test. I have heard it explained that Peter failed because  he followed Jesus at a distance or that he became too concerned for his own life. Others commentaries say that he stood with the wrong crowd as he warmed himself by the fire. We wish we could find a reason for his failure. Then we would find the formula that prevents us from stumbling as well. My heart so longs to love God better!! I want to be a testimony for Him. I want to always present Him well.  I wish I could find the truth as to why despite my desire to please Him, to love Him and to follow Him; sometimes, I make a mess of it all. When that happens, then, like Peter—all I can do is to fall before God’s throne of Grace to weep a little while.

broken/contrite heart by Ronald Barba

 

Peter truly loved the Master. He had left everything to follow Him. At times, Peter was a bit tempestuous like the sea he had fished in. Yet, his heart longed to please the Master. This had been a long night as Jesus told them that He must go away so that the Comforter would come. Jesus tried to prepare them; but, Peter didn’t really want to hear this. He didn’t know how He would survive without Jesus being present to guide Him. Was it fear that caused Peter to deny Jesus? I don’t think so. Peter had pulled out his sword in front of a cohort of soldiers; but, Jesus told him to put it away. Peter had followed while others had scattered. He didn’t know what the plan was next. He needed Jesus to tell him the plan. “Where do I go now? What do I do now? If I am not to fight for you, then what?” Haven’t you been there? I have. In those moments of waiting when you feel so lost and alone, uncertain as to what the next step is. Those moments when you are praying with all your heart and soul not to fail God; then, you find yourself flat on your face in the mud anyway.

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